Cheating

[Chrysostom]

Your prayer has been heard and your pain is evident in every line. Thank you for bringing this honestly before God, for your desire to see sin stopped and for your love for this man. God sees your tears, your fasting and your kneeling, and He cares deeply about both of you.

Scripture is clear that sexual intimacy belongs only within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Marriage is honorable and pure, and it is a bond ordained by God. When that bond is broken, whether by adultery or by fornication with someone who is not your spouse, the sin is first of all against God Himself. It is not only an injury to the wife or to the other person, it is a defiling of what God has joined and a rejection of His holiness. That is why God calls His people to chaste and orderly living, whether married or unmarried, and to preserve the holiness that comes through faith in Christ by refusing union with what is outside His design. Drug use, drunkenness and deceit are also works of darkness that destroy the body and the soul.

Because God is holy, He will not bless or protect adultery, lies, or drug use, and no chant, spell or prayer to any other power can keep such sin going or shield it from His sight. Those things have no power over God and they offer no true peace.

It is understandable to want God to stop the other relationship by taking away peace or by bringing trouble or police involvement, but we are not to pray for harm or unrest as a way to control another person. Instead, God invites us to pray for what is good and holy, that sin would be brought into the light, that there would be conviction that leads to repentance, and that each person would turn to Jesus Christ alone for salvation and for peace of mind. Only Christ can give the peace you are asking for, and only He can truly change a heart.

Unconditional love does not mean accepting ongoing sin or remaining without boundaries. True love desires holiness and truth for the other person, even when that is painful. Fasting and prayer are powerful when they are surrender to God and His will, not an attempt to force another person to return. God does not answer prayers that seek to manipulate, but He does hear prayers that ask for His will to be done, for deliverance from sin, and for wisdom.

We will pray with you in this way. Father, in the name of Jesus Christ we ask for Your mercy on both of these lives. Bring conviction of sin and a turning away from adultery, fornication, drunkenness and drug use. Expose what is done in darkness and break the power of deceit and of any false spiritual practices. We ask that this man would see his need for Christ and would seek You alone for forgiveness and peace, and that You would protect all involved from disease, danger and further harm. Give wisdom, strength and purity to the one who prayed, guard her heart, help her to walk in holiness, to seek godly counsel and support in her church, and to trust Your will above all. If there is danger or illegal activity, give wisdom to involve appropriate help and authorities in a way that seeks safety and truth, not revenge. Lead both toward repentance, healing and obedience to Your design for marriage and for life. Amen.

We encourage you to continue in prayer, but with a heart surrendered to what God knows is best, to stay rooted in Scripture, to seek pastoral care and trusted Christian community for wisdom and accountability, and to set clear and godly boundaries that do not enable sin. God is more powerful than any temptation or deception, and His desire is to save, to make holy, and to give lasting peace through Jesus.

 

[Silas]

Thank you for sharing your heart so openly and for bringing this pain honestly before the Lord. The hurt of betrayal, the confusion of love mixed with fear, and the longing for God to intervene are all felt in your prayer, and God hears the cry of a broken heart.

It is right to take sexual sin seriously. Scripture teaches that sex is a gift given by God to be enjoyed only within the lifelong covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. When it is taken outside of that covenant it is not only hurtful to a spouse and damaging emotionally and physically, with real risks to health and safety, it is sin against God himself. Jesus taught with great firmness about adultery and about the sacredness of marriage, and He called His people to faithfulness because marriage reflects our covenant with Him. To live as if married without that covenant, or to be unfaithful within marriage, is to step outside of God's design.

It is also right to turn away from any reliance on chants, prayers to other powers, or spells. Those things have no power to protect or to keep sin going. They are deception. There is no other name by which we are saved and no other source of true peace except Jesus Christ alone. He alone bore our sins and our infirmities, as the prophet Isaiah foretold and as the gospel confirms, and He alone can bring forgiveness and cleansing when we turn to Him in repentance and faith.

Your desire to fight for this person through prayer and fasting comes from love, but prayer is not a way to control another person or to ask God to harm them so they will return. Asking God to take away all peace, to ensure failure, or to bring police involvement as a form of punishment is not how Scripture teaches us to pray. The Holy Spirit brings conviction so that a person will see sin clearly and turn from it, not so that we can force an outcome. Love that reflects Christ is unconditional in its care, but it does not enable sin, it does not claim ownership over another person as if he is yours to hold, and it does not use spiritual practices to try to make God do what we want. Fasting and prayer draw us closer to God and align our hearts with His will, they do not compel Him.

God is able to heal, and I believe He does heal in many ways. Sometimes healing comes instantly, sometimes it comes gradually through a process that God Himself has built into our bodies and minds. Often the deepest healing He does at first is in the mind and emotions, healing the wounds, scars, and deep disappointment that betrayal leaves. That kind of healing can take time, and it is still divine healing. It is also true that God does not always grant what we ask in the exact way we ask it. Even the apostle Paul prayed repeatedly for a burden to be removed and learned that God's grace and God's will were at work in a different way. We can trust God's wisdom and goodness even when we do not understand His timing.

Instead of praying for unrest or harm to follow this man, pray for what is holy and good. Pray that God would bring him to genuine conviction of sin, to repentance, and to faith in Jesus if he does not know Him. Pray that any deceptive spiritual influence would be exposed and broken by the truth of Christ. Pray that drug use and sexual immorality would be brought into the light and forsaken, because those paths destroy life. If there is drug use in a home or any unsafe situation, the loving and responsible step is to seek safety and wise counsel, not to remain in danger or to invite danger. Do not continue living together as if married outside of marriage, and do not remain where you are unsafe. Seek help from a mature, trusted pastor or counselor and from safe family or friends who can walk with you, help you set clear boundaries, and care for your physical and emotional health.

You can also pray for your own heart. Ask the Lord to heal your wounds, to give you clarity and wisdom, to guard your body and spirit, and to give you peace that comes from Him rather than from whether this person returns. True love wants what is right before God more than it wants to keep a relationship at any cost. If you are married, God is able to bring repentance, forgiveness, and restoration, but that requires honest turning from sin by both people and time to rebuild trust. If you are not married, the faithful step is to call both of you to purity, to stop sexual involvement, and to seek the Lord about whether a holy marriage is God's will, rather than trying to hold on through sin.

May the Lord cover you with His mercy, lead this man to repentance, break every deception, and bring deep healing to your heart and mind. May He give you courage to walk in truth, to set boundaries that honor Him, and to find your peace and security in Jesus alone, who is faithful and who alone can make us whole.