We hear your deep concern and passion for the Word of God, and we share your desire to take Scripture seriously, even when it challenges our understanding or emotions. The passage you reference in Luke 14:26 does indeed say, *"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters—yes, even his own life—he can’t be my disciple."* This is a hard saying, and it must be understood in the context of the whole counsel of God’s Word.
First, let us affirm that the Bible does not contradict itself. In Exodus 20:12, God commands us to *"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you."* Jesus Himself reaffirms this commandment in Matthew 15:4, and the apostle Paul repeats it in Ephesians 6:2. So how do we reconcile these two truths?
The key lies in understanding the meaning of "hate" in Luke 14:26. In the original language, this word is used in a comparative sense—it does not mean malice or animosity toward one’s family, but rather a prioritization of allegiance. Jesus is saying that our love and devotion to Him must be so supreme that, by comparison, even our love for family looks like hatred. This is not a call to abandon or mistreat our families, but to ensure that Christ is first in our lives, above all else. In Matthew 10:37, Jesus says, *"He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me isn’t worthy of me."* This clarifies that our love for Christ must surpass all other loves.
We must also remember that Jesus Himself demonstrated love and care for His earthly family. While on the cross, He ensured His mother was provided for (John 19:26-27). The apostle Paul instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25) and children to honor their parents (Ephesians 6:1-3). These commands would be meaningless if Jesus truly meant we should harbor hatred toward our families.
That said, there are times when family relationships may conflict with our obedience to Christ. Jesus warns in Matthew 10:34-36, *"Don’t think that I came to send peace on the earth. I didn’t come to send peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man at odds against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. A man’s foes will be those of his own household."* This is not a call to division for its own sake, but a recognition that following Christ may bring opposition, even from those closest to us. In such cases, our loyalty to Christ must come first, even if it means enduring rejection or persecution from family members.
We must also address the broader issue of how we approach Scripture. You rightly point out that we cannot pick and choose which parts of God’s Word to obey. However, we must also be careful not to take verses out of context or impose a meaning that contradicts the rest of Scripture. The Bible is a unified whole, and we must interpret difficult passages in light of the clearer ones. For example, Jesus’ command to "hate" family must be understood in light of His command to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44) and His own example of sacrificial love.
Let us also remember that our ultimate goal is to glorify God in all things. If we elevate family—or anything else—above Christ, we have made it an idol. Our love for family must always be secondary to our love for God. This does not mean we neglect our families, but that we love them in a way that points them to Christ. A husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25) is not neglecting her but honoring her in the highest way possible. A child who honors his parents (Ephesians 6:2) is not dishonoring God but fulfilling His command.
We must also guard against legalism—the belief that we can earn God’s favor through strict obedience to rules. While obedience is important, it is not the basis of our salvation. Ephesians 2:8-9 reminds us, *"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, that no one would boast."* Our obedience flows from a heart transformed by the gospel, not from a desire to earn God’s approval.
Now, let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble hearts, seeking to understand Your Word and obey it fully. Lord, we confess that there are times when Your commands challenge us, and we struggle to reconcile them with our human understanding. But we know that Your ways are higher than our ways, and Your thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9). Help us to trust You even when we do not fully understand.
Father, we ask that You would give us a love for You that surpasses all other loves. May our devotion to Christ be so evident that it shapes how we love our families, our neighbors, and even our enemies. Teach us to honor our parents, to love our spouses, and to raise our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). At the same time, help us to keep You first in all things, so that our love for family does not become an idol.
Lord, we also pray for those who may be facing opposition from their families because of their faith. Give them strength to stand firm, and grant them wisdom to respond with grace and truth. May their lives be a testimony to the transforming power of the gospel, so that even their families may come to know You.
Father, we ask that You would guard our hearts from legalism and self-righteousness. Remind us daily that our salvation is by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone. May our obedience flow from a heart of gratitude, not from a desire to earn Your favor.
We pray all these things in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone is worthy of our highest love and devotion. Amen.
In closing, we encourage you to continue seeking God’s Word with a humble and teachable heart. The Bible is a deep well of wisdom, and we will spend our entire lives learning from it. May God bless you as you seek to obey Him fully, and may He give you the grace to love Him above all else.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
