Broken Hearted

[Amy Luna]

I really need prayer. I am in so much emotional pain that I feel like I'm going to die. In fact, I can't believe I'm in this much pain and I'm still alive. I am a christian and love the lord. I am not perfect and have made mistakes but I do believe and love the lord. That being said, I think confession is good for the soul and if people are to properly pray for me perhaps I shouldn't hold anything back. A year and a half ago I met a man named Michael. Michael seemed to be so sweet and sincere and made me feel like I had some worth. My previous relationships had been really bad and at the point that I met Michael I had no self esteem. At first we were friends. He is a christian man and he counseled me and helped me work through a lot of emotional trauma. At some point the friendship took a turn into something more. At first I was really scared and backed off because I felt myself falling in love and didn't want to be hurt again.

Eventually I couldn't help myself. I realized I had fallen and their was no stopping it. One night after work, we kissed and it was like heat lightening. We fell in love and saw each other for 4 months and then Michael got scared and backed off for a month in November. My heart was broken. He said he freaked out because he couldn't stand to get hurt again the way he had been hurt in the past.

Right before Christmas we got back together again. We were going strong all the way until the middle of April when we found out I was pregnant. I lost the baby and it broke my heart. Michael was freaked out because he's 54 and I'm 37 but he seemed to handle it well enough at the time. I've been grieving over the loss ever since but have tried to hold it together. I actually feel guilty about it and blame myself.

Well we got over that hurtle and seemed to be getting closer. We both have kids from previous failed marriages and got through all our kids birthdays together because they all have their birthdays with in a month and halfs time.

We seemed to be doing alright despite what happened in April.

Well last weekend we went to Aspen together on a short vacation. It was beautiful. We had set aside the money to do this weeks in advance. We got back into town and parted on Sunday afternoon.

I received a few emails from him and a couple of phone calls, plus I saw him briefly on Wednesday. Wednesday night I got a call from him telling me that

he's afraid of the future, about him getting to retirement age in 11 years and the fact that I have young children is a real problem for him. He want's to break up because he feels the future will be difficult with him being so much older and me having such a young family. He swears he loves me and is in love with me but he just can't do it. My argument was that if two people truly love each other they can face anything together, get through anything together. He just wouldn't be swayed.

So here I am. I love this man with all my heart. I gave 100%, I did my very best. I opened up to this man. I have never opened up to another person and trusted them as much as I trusted Michael. I gave this man my heart and it's now stomped into saw dust.

I have given this man the last year and a half of my life. I have slept with him almost a hundred times and I'm not even the type of girl that does that.

I gave myself to him because I loved him and hoped we would face the future together. I thought our love was strong.

Now here I am a mess, torn apart and he's probably going to be playing in church on Sunday like everything is right as rain. He's a musician and plays bass at church every Sunday.

I feel betrayed. If you can't trust a christian man, who can you trust?

I wish that Michael would realize that you just don't throw love away because your afraid the road a head might be difficult.

Anyway, someone please pray for me. I'm a mess, my life is a mess and I don't know what to do. I can't keep walking around in this much pain.

 

[fallbackplan]

Amy, that was powerful...you layed it all out there. sometimes it's hard to pray for something when you really don't know what it is you're praying for. Usually we just ask the Lord to intercede and provide a miracle. Sometimes only Jesus knows what's going on in a relationship. I know i've been in relationships which I didn't know where it was going, she didn't know and nobody else had any idea either. In your case it's perfectly clear, you and he had decided to give it your all understanding it to be a long lasting thing, maybe marriage soon. You lost your baby and a part of your heart too, i'm sure. As a man, I don't know how I would have handled this if I was him but I think I would have held you and told you it was going to be alright. It would have hurt really bad but it wouldn't have changed my love for you, speaking if I was in his shoes. What I want to do is to pray for you that your heart is filled with so much joy, you just cant contain it, that the joy from your heart runs out and fills everyone you are around. I pray you are so happy and confident about yourself that you know it doesn't matter if someone doesn't know if they want to be with you. It's only important that you know you deserve him, you may even deserve better. I don't know, of course we are all sinners, especially me, but through grace...we are saved. Your selfworth should be so high, that you want to tell the world what God has given you. I'm sure you have many great attributes, I'm sure you love the Lord and try to follow him wherever possible. This situation has caused you to hurt in your heart and rightly so, love hurts sometimes. I pray if it's the Lords will, you guys get back together and get married without any doubts. If he's saying he has doubts about it, then don't do it. You are too good of a person to live with doubts. I apologize if this sounds judgemental or wrong, I just think since you layed it all out there, I kinda got a better picture of who you are. You care, plain and simple about your life and happiness in it. I just pray that if it be the Lords will, you guys get married. If it's not the Lords will, then Amy......here comes the Good part....Jesus has something far better for you out there. All you have to do is stand still and the Lord will provide what you've always wanted, you don't have to settle, you can have it all in the Lords name if you use a relationship to glorify the Lord, when two people come together and praise the Lord, I think it pleases God greatly. So I just pray for you to be happy and to stand still for the Lord has something in store for you and when it's from the Lord, it's always Good! I myself am playing the waiting game right now so it's not always easy but it always pays off. God bless you and your kids Amy, you deserve it. It's very hard to put your heart out there and not have that love returned. I pray for your heart to be healed and a smile be put on your face. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

 

[kjferg86]

Dear Amy, I am reminded of a book my daugher bought.. Better Single that Sorry. I ask that you pray diligently about this relationship, without being blinded. Ask God to open your eyes to what HE wants. What if he decides to marry you, then lives with regret when your kids get older. I dont want to hurt you, but you are not married and therefore have not made a vow and commitment before the Almighty God. If you did that, then you would be bound for life to a man who is possibly sorry he married you. Wait on the Lord He will direct your path. And I agree withFallbackplan, if this man is not who God wants for you, He will provide the right one and he will be absolutely PERFECT. However, if this man is the right one, wait on the Lord and all things will work out. But please WAIT ON THE LORD. In the meantime, pour yourself out to God, study His Word like it is the breath you breathe. Give yourself totally to God. Totally to God Totally to God. HE will also give you the self esteem you need. If you were the only one lost, He would have sent Jesus to the cross for JUST YOU. You are loved. You are so loved by HIM. My sister, I dont want to hurt you, only to share what God gave me.

 

[Amy Luna]

Unfortunately I did make a vow to God in regards to this man. It was a whopper of a vow and I'm bound by it now.

 

[fallbackplan]

Amy, I was just thinking about you and your situation. I just got home from church and I was wondering how you were holding up. Yes, you say you did make a vow. You boldly put your heart out there and haven't had the return you so desired. But you have kept up your end of the vow, you have kept your word and have made every step possible to keep this vow. He's the one who hasn't let you keep your vow and he's the one who decided to change the relationship. He is bound by that, not you. You are free from your vow because he broke it, not you. If you had broke the vow, you would have had to be the one to leave him after giving yourself to him, heart..body...and soul. You are truely a blessed person to have the ability and faith to be willing to love. Some of us who have loved before, have found it hard to put ourselves out there to love again, I know I have anyway. Cowardly, maybe I am by not doing this but one things for sure, you are not a coward, you are a brave young woman who has kept her word. That's all you can do girl. I pray God blesses you beyond belief, I know the Lord has something out there for you and it's going to take some patience for it to come into light. God bless you Amy, be well. Amen.

 

[fallbackplan]

Just wanted to bring this back to page 1 on requests for i'm sure you are still hurting. I pray more people get on here and can intercede in prayer for you and lots and lots of happiness. Bless you. Amen

 

[kjferg86]

Dear Amy, i am praying that God will heal your broken heart. I am not insensitive to your pain. My husband of 28 years left me for a younger woman. I understand. I didnt know you were married to this man. I pray that God would hold you in HIS Capable Hands. I still want to let you know that God wants you to pour yourself into His Word. Make it your very breath you breathe. Honey, He loves you when you think nobody else does. But I can guarantee you, a lot of people love you. We do . Believe me we do love you sister. Trust in the Mighty Hands of the Lord Jesus Christ. Dont put your trust in man. Bless you dear.