I recently posted this: "Please pray for me. I'm in a lot of turmoil about my boyfriend. We are in courtship but I know that I probably shouldn't have started a relationship with him because it began out of me being lonely (and possibly the same on his end) even though I genuinely care for him as a person and do love him. In certain ways, even though he is a professing Christian, we are unequally yoked. He is led astray by certain false teachings. I was going to break up with him today but he had a terrible week so far and I don't want to make it worse so now I can't and don't know when I will now. It would hurt me so much for this relationship to end for so many reasons but I don't know that God wants us together and I feel more turmoil about how I could end up hurt as a result of dating and possibly marrying someone who I was never supposed to be with. Please pray for me about all this. Please pray that God will open up the opportunity for me to break up with him. I really believe this needs to happen but now am at a loss of when to do it." I want to add that I'm going to try again to break up with him next week while he has a break from work if no other opportunity arises before that and if he hasn't had a difficult week. Please pray I will be able to find the right time. Pray that if God wants me to just break up with him in spite of him having had a difficult week, that I would just do it and do so with kindness and courage. I feel trapped and have little peace as I know he is not who I'm supposed to be with and though I care for him, for multiple reasons, I barely trust him to be faithful. The inner turmoil I feel is consuming. Thank you.
Boyfriend
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear the deep turmoil in your heart, and we come before the Lord with you, lifting up this heavy burden. The pain of uncertainty in relationships, especially those that began out of loneliness rather than godly purpose, is a weight only the Holy Spirit can carry with you. We want to first affirm your courage in recognizing that this courtship may not be aligned with God’s will. The fact that you are wrestling with this rather than ignoring the conviction is a sign of the Holy Spirit’s work in your life.
Scripture is clear that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, and while your boyfriend professes Christ, the influence of false teachings and the lack of trust in his faithfulness are serious concerns. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 warns, "Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What agreement has Christ with Belial? Or what portion has a believer with an unbeliever?" Even if someone claims faith, if their life does not reflect the fruit of the Spirit, love, faithfulness, self-control, it is right to question whether they are truly walking with the Lord. The fact that you barely trust him to be faithful is a red flag that cannot be ignored. Proverbs 31:11-12 speaks of a godly spouse: "The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." If you cannot trust him now, how much more difficult would marriage be?
You also mentioned that this relationship began out of loneliness, which is a common struggle, but one that can lead us into unwise attachments if we do not surrender it to God. Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the solitary in families." The Lord is your true source of companionship, and He desires to fill the voids in your heart with His presence, not with a relationship that may lead you away from His best for you. We must also address the reality that if this courtship were to continue, the temptation toward physical intimacy outside of marriage would likely grow stronger. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 is clear: "Flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." If you are not married, any sexual activity is fornication, and it grieves the Holy Spirit. Even if you have not crossed that line, the emotional entanglement can make it harder to walk away.
We must also gently but firmly rebuke the hesitation to act out of fear of hurting him. While kindness is important, enabling someone to remain in a relationship that is not God’s will for either of you is not love, it is fear masquerading as compassion. Galatians 1:10 asks, "For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? For if I were still pleasing men, I wouldn’t be a servant of Christ." If God is leading you to end this, delaying out of guilt or pity will only prolong the pain for both of you. The enemy would love for you to remain in this place of turmoil, where your peace is stolen and your focus is divided. Jesus came so that you might have life abundantly (John 10:10), not so that you would be bound in confusion and emotional exhaustion.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our sister who is struggling in this relationship. Lord, You see the turmoil in her spirit, and You know the weight she carries. We ask that You would give her clarity, like the clarity of the morning light, so that she may see Your will with unshaken conviction. Father, if this man is not the one You have for her, we pray that You would make that truth undeniable. Give her the courage to act, not out of fear or guilt, but out of obedience to You. Strengthen her to speak the truth in love, even if it is painful, and to trust that You will heal both of their hearts in time.
Lord, we ask that You would break any emotional chains that are keeping her bound to this relationship. Where there is fear of loneliness, remind her that You are her Bridegroom and that Your love is enough. Where there is guilt over hurting him, show her that true love sometimes requires hard choices. Where there is doubt, flood her heart with Your peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding. Guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, and let her rest in the knowledge that You are working all things together for her good.
We also pray for this young man, Lord. If he is truly Yours, draw him back to You. Convict him of any false teachings he has embraced, and let him hunger for Your truth. If he is not walking in repentance and faith, we ask that You would soften his heart and lead him to salvation. Protect him from further deception, and let him find his identity in You alone.
Father, we declare that no weapon formed against her shall prosper, and that You will restore to her the joy of her salvation. Surround her with godly friends and mentors who will speak life into her and remind her of Your promises. Prepare her heart for the spouse You have for her, a man after Your own heart, who will lead her closer to You. Until that day, let her walk in confidence, knowing that You are her Provider, her Protector, and her Peace.
We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the Name above all names, the One who died to set us free from every chain. Amen.
In the days ahead, we encourage you to seek wisdom from mature believers who can speak into this situation. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Do not isolate yourself in this decision. Spend time in the Word, asking the Lord to confirm His will through Scripture. Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path." Let His Word be your guide, not your emotions.
When the time comes to have this conversation, remember that you are not responsible for his reaction. Your responsibility is to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and to trust God with the outcome. It may be painful for a season, but the freedom that comes from walking in obedience is worth it. You are not "trapped", you are being refined, and God will use this season to draw you closer to Him. Isaiah 43:19 says, "Behold, I will do a new thing. It springs out already. Don’t you know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." Trust that He is making a way for you, even when the path is unclear.
Lastly, we want to gently remind you that salvation is found in no one else but Jesus Christ. If you have not placed your faith in Him as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so today. Romans 10:9 says, "If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." It is only through His sacrifice that we can have a relationship with God, and it is only by His name that we can come boldly before the throne of grace. If you have already surrendered your life to Christ, we encourage you to reaffirm that commitment today, asking Him to be the Lord of every area of your life, including your relationships.
Scripture is clear that we are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, and while your boyfriend professes Christ, the influence of false teachings and the lack of trust in his faithfulness are serious concerns. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 warns, "Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What agreement has Christ with Belial? Or what portion has a believer with an unbeliever?" Even if someone claims faith, if their life does not reflect the fruit of the Spirit, love, faithfulness, self-control, it is right to question whether they are truly walking with the Lord. The fact that you barely trust him to be faithful is a red flag that cannot be ignored. Proverbs 31:11-12 speaks of a godly spouse: "The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." If you cannot trust him now, how much more difficult would marriage be?
You also mentioned that this relationship began out of loneliness, which is a common struggle, but one that can lead us into unwise attachments if we do not surrender it to God. Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the solitary in families." The Lord is your true source of companionship, and He desires to fill the voids in your heart with His presence, not with a relationship that may lead you away from His best for you. We must also address the reality that if this courtship were to continue, the temptation toward physical intimacy outside of marriage would likely grow stronger. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 is clear: "Flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." If you are not married, any sexual activity is fornication, and it grieves the Holy Spirit. Even if you have not crossed that line, the emotional entanglement can make it harder to walk away.
We must also gently but firmly rebuke the hesitation to act out of fear of hurting him. While kindness is important, enabling someone to remain in a relationship that is not God’s will for either of you is not love, it is fear masquerading as compassion. Galatians 1:10 asks, "For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? For if I were still pleasing men, I wouldn’t be a servant of Christ." If God is leading you to end this, delaying out of guilt or pity will only prolong the pain for both of you. The enemy would love for you to remain in this place of turmoil, where your peace is stolen and your focus is divided. Jesus came so that you might have life abundantly (John 10:10), not so that you would be bound in confusion and emotional exhaustion.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our sister who is struggling in this relationship. Lord, You see the turmoil in her spirit, and You know the weight she carries. We ask that You would give her clarity, like the clarity of the morning light, so that she may see Your will with unshaken conviction. Father, if this man is not the one You have for her, we pray that You would make that truth undeniable. Give her the courage to act, not out of fear or guilt, but out of obedience to You. Strengthen her to speak the truth in love, even if it is painful, and to trust that You will heal both of their hearts in time.
Lord, we ask that You would break any emotional chains that are keeping her bound to this relationship. Where there is fear of loneliness, remind her that You are her Bridegroom and that Your love is enough. Where there is guilt over hurting him, show her that true love sometimes requires hard choices. Where there is doubt, flood her heart with Your peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding. Guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus, and let her rest in the knowledge that You are working all things together for her good.
We also pray for this young man, Lord. If he is truly Yours, draw him back to You. Convict him of any false teachings he has embraced, and let him hunger for Your truth. If he is not walking in repentance and faith, we ask that You would soften his heart and lead him to salvation. Protect him from further deception, and let him find his identity in You alone.
Father, we declare that no weapon formed against her shall prosper, and that You will restore to her the joy of her salvation. Surround her with godly friends and mentors who will speak life into her and remind her of Your promises. Prepare her heart for the spouse You have for her, a man after Your own heart, who will lead her closer to You. Until that day, let her walk in confidence, knowing that You are her Provider, her Protector, and her Peace.
We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the Name above all names, the One who died to set us free from every chain. Amen.
In the days ahead, we encourage you to seek wisdom from mature believers who can speak into this situation. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Do not isolate yourself in this decision. Spend time in the Word, asking the Lord to confirm His will through Scripture. Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light for my path." Let His Word be your guide, not your emotions.
When the time comes to have this conversation, remember that you are not responsible for his reaction. Your responsibility is to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and to trust God with the outcome. It may be painful for a season, but the freedom that comes from walking in obedience is worth it. You are not "trapped", you are being refined, and God will use this season to draw you closer to Him. Isaiah 43:19 says, "Behold, I will do a new thing. It springs out already. Don’t you know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert." Trust that He is making a way for you, even when the path is unclear.
Lastly, we want to gently remind you that salvation is found in no one else but Jesus Christ. If you have not placed your faith in Him as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so today. Romans 10:9 says, "If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." It is only through His sacrifice that we can have a relationship with God, and it is only by His name that we can come boldly before the throne of grace. If you have already surrendered your life to Christ, we encourage you to reaffirm that commitment today, asking Him to be the Lord of every area of your life, including your relationships.
We’ve been praying with you through this, and we want you to know we understand why you feel so tied up inside. When you genuinely care about someone, the thought of adding to their pain can make your own resolve feel impossible, even when you know deep down that the relationship isn’t where God wants you to stay. The consuming feeling you’re carrying often comes from holding two strong convictions at once: a settled sense that you need to step away, and a tender hesitance to wound someone you love.
What we hear in your words is a woman who already has the clarity she’s asking for. You know the path forward; you’re simply watching for the right mile-marker to take it. And that’s what makes this so exhausting. It’s tempting to believe that breaking up will be kinder if you wait until his life feels steady, but the truth is, you cannot control his circumstances, and waiting for the perfect window often just prolongs the unease for both of you. Your courage is not dependent on whether his week was good or terrible. If God is calling you out of this relationship, the most loving thing you can do for him is to be honest as soon as possible, even if it stings at first.
Maybe the next step is simply this: tell one trusted, mature friend your firm intention for next week and ask her to pray for you and check in with you afterward. Not to pressure you, but to stand with you so you don’t have to hold all this weight alone. You are not being cruel by ending something you believe isn’t right. You are being faithful.
Lord Jesus, we lift up this sister who feels trapped and worn thin. Give her the steady courage to follow through on what she knows she must do, and let her speak with both truth and gentleness. Quiet the inner noise that tells her she’s making things worse, help her trust that obedience to You is always the safer place. Surround her with support in the days that follow, and grant her the peace that has felt so far away. In Your name we pray, amen.
What we hear in your words is a woman who already has the clarity she’s asking for. You know the path forward; you’re simply watching for the right mile-marker to take it. And that’s what makes this so exhausting. It’s tempting to believe that breaking up will be kinder if you wait until his life feels steady, but the truth is, you cannot control his circumstances, and waiting for the perfect window often just prolongs the unease for both of you. Your courage is not dependent on whether his week was good or terrible. If God is calling you out of this relationship, the most loving thing you can do for him is to be honest as soon as possible, even if it stings at first.
Maybe the next step is simply this: tell one trusted, mature friend your firm intention for next week and ask her to pray for you and check in with you afterward. Not to pressure you, but to stand with you so you don’t have to hold all this weight alone. You are not being cruel by ending something you believe isn’t right. You are being faithful.
Lord Jesus, we lift up this sister who feels trapped and worn thin. Give her the steady courage to follow through on what she knows she must do, and let her speak with both truth and gentleness. Quiet the inner noise that tells her she’s making things worse, help her trust that obedience to You is always the safer place. Surround her with support in the days that follow, and grant her the peace that has felt so far away. In Your name we pray, amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
The pretense of private devotion while the heart clings to a forbidden alliance, this is as the frogs of Egypt creeping into the bedchamber. You know the yoke is not Christ’s, for His word comes clear: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” You have felt the galling of it, the iron entering your soul, for all unholy bonds that break from the gospel’s holiness bring a yoke of iron upon the neck in due time. Yet you have delayed, fearing to add sorrow to his week. But the devil never gives up on us, do not quit fighting him. He takes care to fight us with all his might; let us do the same. The form of obedience must not be yielded, even when the hour seems harsh. To wait for a convenient season is often the snare of the sluggard; the soul drifts back to sleep, waking only in fits and starts, until the peril is past feeling.
You speak of inner turmoil consuming you. That hunger is not sent to destroy but to drive you to the soul-satisfying Savior. The dead can do without bread, but the living cannot. If you have no peace away from Christ’s clear will, it is because you belong to Him and He will not let you feed on husks. His yoke alone is easy; the burden we pile up by our own willfulness breaks the shoulders. But the Lord can break these bars of the yoke, yes, tear away each one. Cry to Him who supplies all need from His own fulness, and do not give up trusting my Master because conscious joy delays. The fierce vultures of sin and anguish are meant to drive you into the heart of the blessed Jesus, not into a hardening of your resolve to manage this in your own strength.
Christ is to be lifted up, and in that lifting you will find your drawing. Not a vague hope, but the Crucified One, His glory, His wounds, His finished work. This is the bread that builds up in all ways, meeting every necessity. If He is yours, all things are yours, and your hunger is forever over. But you must break from that which dims His face. The gospel’s holiness demands no less. When the Spirit of God makes a soul stand on its own footing, there is danger of keeping yourself to yourself in morbid fear, but wake up. You are getting nearer Home. Act with the kindness that dares to wound for everlasting healing. Trust that the same voice which can call a rotting Lazarus from the tomb can command peace into your breaking heart and give you words in the appointed moment. Lift not your eyes to the difficulty of the task, but to the One lifted up, who draws all manner of sinners, and faltering saints, unto Himself.
You speak of inner turmoil consuming you. That hunger is not sent to destroy but to drive you to the soul-satisfying Savior. The dead can do without bread, but the living cannot. If you have no peace away from Christ’s clear will, it is because you belong to Him and He will not let you feed on husks. His yoke alone is easy; the burden we pile up by our own willfulness breaks the shoulders. But the Lord can break these bars of the yoke, yes, tear away each one. Cry to Him who supplies all need from His own fulness, and do not give up trusting my Master because conscious joy delays. The fierce vultures of sin and anguish are meant to drive you into the heart of the blessed Jesus, not into a hardening of your resolve to manage this in your own strength.
Christ is to be lifted up, and in that lifting you will find your drawing. Not a vague hope, but the Crucified One, His glory, His wounds, His finished work. This is the bread that builds up in all ways, meeting every necessity. If He is yours, all things are yours, and your hunger is forever over. But you must break from that which dims His face. The gospel’s holiness demands no less. When the Spirit of God makes a soul stand on its own footing, there is danger of keeping yourself to yourself in morbid fear, but wake up. You are getting nearer Home. Act with the kindness that dares to wound for everlasting healing. Trust that the same voice which can call a rotting Lazarus from the tomb can command peace into your breaking heart and give you words in the appointed moment. Lift not your eyes to the difficulty of the task, but to the One lifted up, who draws all manner of sinners, and faltering saints, unto Himself.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.
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