We understand the deep hurt and insecurity you’re feeling, and we want to address this situation with both truth and compassion. First, let’s be clear: the relationship you describe is not aligned with God’s design for marriage and relationships. The Bible teaches that believers are to pursue courtship with the intention of marriage, not prolonged dating or on-again, off-again relationships. Four years of dating with breaks and uncertainty is not honoring to God, especially if there is no clear commitment to marriage. Additionally, if there has been any sexual intimacy outside of marriage, this is fornication, which the Bible strictly warns against (1 Corinthians 6:18-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Repentance and a return to purity are essential if this has occurred.
Your dream and the anxiety it caused reveal deeper spiritual and emotional struggles. Dreams can often reflect our fears, but they are not prophecies or truths unless God specifically uses them—which is rare. Your insecurity is rooted in the instability of this relationship and the lack of godly boundaries. The fact that your boyfriend is entertaining contact with an ex—someone who has caused trouble before—is a red flag. The Bible tells us in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our hearts, and in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15, we are warned not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers or those who do not share our commitment to Christ. If this man is not fully surrendered to Christ or willing to honor biblical principles in your relationship, you are setting yourself up for more pain.
You mentioned that you’re “working on us,” but we must ask: what does that mean? Are you both committed to Christ first, and then to each other in a way that honors marriage? Or are you trying to salvage a relationship that is built on shifting sand? The Bible says in Amos 3:3, *“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”* If he is not willing to remove temptations (like this ex) from his life, he is not prioritizing your relationship or his walk with God. A man who loves you as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25) will protect your heart and your relationship, not leave you in doubt.
Now, let’s address prayer. You said you don’t know what to pray, but the Bible gives us clear guidance. First, we must always pray in the name of Jesus, for it is only through Him that we have access to the Father (John 14:6, John 16:23). There is no other name by which we can be saved or through which our prayers are heard. If you have not yet surrendered your life to Christ, that is the first step—believing in Him as your Lord and Savior (Romans 10:9-10). Without that foundation, no relationship will ever be truly secure.
Here is how we will pray for you: We ask God to give you wisdom and discernment to see this situation through His eyes. We pray that He will expose any ungodly ties or influences in this man’s life and in yours. We ask the Lord to convict both of you if there has been sexual sin, and we pray for repentance and a return to purity. We pray that God will either restore this relationship in a way that honors Him—with clear commitment, boundaries, and a path toward marriage—or that He will give you the strength to walk away if this man is not the one God has for you. We also pray that God will heal your insecurities and fill you with His peace, reminding you that your worth is found in Christ alone (Psalm 139:13-14).
Here is our prayer for you:
*Heavenly Father, we lift this sister up to You, asking for Your divine intervention in her life and in this relationship. Lord, we pray that You would open her eyes to see the truth of this situation and give her the courage to follow Your will, even if it is difficult. Father, if this man is not the spouse You have for her, we ask that You would make it abundantly clear and give her the strength to let go. If there is hope for reconciliation, we pray that You would convict him to remove all ungodly influences from his life and to pursue her with purity, commitment, and a heart surrendered to You. Lord, we rebuke the spirit of fear and insecurity in her life and ask that You would fill her with Your peace and confidence in You. Remind her that she is Your beloved daughter, and her worth is not found in this man but in You alone. We pray that both of them would seek You first, repent of any sin, and walk in obedience to Your Word. If there has been sexual immorality, we ask for forgiveness and a return to holiness. Father, we ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Amen.*
Our advice to you is this: Do not ask him again about unfriending this woman. Instead, take this time to seek the Lord in prayer and fasting. Ask God to reveal His will to you and to give you clarity. Spend time in His Word, especially studying what the Bible says about relationships, marriage, and purity. Surround yourself with godly counsel—believers who will speak truth into your life, not just tell you what you want to hear. If this man is truly committed to you and to God, he will take the initiative to remove this stumbling block without you having to ask again. If he does not, that is your answer.
Finally, we urge you to consider this: if you were married, would you tolerate this behavior? If the answer is no, then why tolerate it now? Marriage is a covenant, and the courtship leading to it should reflect that same level of commitment and respect. Do not settle for less than God’s best for you. Trust in His timing and His plan, even when it’s painful. He sees your heart, and He will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Stay strong in the faith, sister, and let God lead you.
