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I was raised Pentecostal, in 8/92 I married a Catholic boy Kevin. We were married at a college chapel, not in the Church by an Episcopal priest. Father didn’t attend and opposed me and us having any kids of my coloring. His father had some coloring but had concern over out kids and I being young and stupid cared. This past Sunday I heard how birth control kills a marriage. We experienced Desert Storm fallout, foreclosure, he caught pleurisy, we had periods of traversing the country, he was in our house here and I was with my mom helping my aunt with a bone marrow transplant. We stayed married living together 2.5 yrs, of the 4 we were married, in 1996 July 4th I flew to TX because he stopped calling to talk to me just talking to my mom to prove he'd call, and he promised he would see priest in the am if I would take the return flight home the next day. He was confusing with messages; he loved me physically, so I knew he wasn't lying about the priest. He never called or came back. I was no angel, I was an unappreciative wife. I did take the RCIA classes while we were together in 94, but we had yet to redo the ceremony. I prayed and hoped and waited and he never came back. I felt like Hannah, I have felt cheated. Now I am 37 and I can’t wait longer for kids. I have been getting counseling and I don’t want to be a David. I only want Kevin if he wants me and if he is free. I didn’t get the marriage annulled, and I don’t know how he could re-marry without this. His mom was okay with me, I loved Kevin more at the end, and he loved me more in the beginning. He told me he loved me then he left. I have tried to get over it, I have finished college, am nearly finished a masters and a teach kids and I feel so ashamed and sad about where our would- be- kids are (the priest said this in church). Last I heard he was in TX, I have not heard from him or seen him or his family in years and I have to get on with my life and learn to be happy with Gods will even if it isn’t what I want, or no matter how unfair I think it is. I am very sad, I am getting counseling, I just want to know once and for all time. Marriage is for life, I am the wife of his youth. We have all sinned and fallen short of the Gods requirement. I have repented of my sins and I pray I am not sinning now, hoping he is free. Please pray my heart is not bound or able to remember or to be reminded because I am every day in the children I teach and my aching in my heart and mind. I have not always been saved or born again, I got so much closer to God in 99 alone, with family abroad and after so many deaths, and failing health, ( since 96 when we were together). Help me. I have green carded a person in need of a transplant without insurance. Pray for me, all I want is Kevin back, only if God says its okay, (he is free and want me too) If this is not possible pray I will be miraculously delivered of caring and hurting about it. I want no one else for a family. My material items don’t matter now, but they were so important before. I did not appreciate an love as I should have I didn’t keep Gods precepts. Pray that God forgives me, and Kevin forgives me. I have so long ago forgiven him. I want him happy even if it is without me. I can accept this if Kevin or God tells me. I need it quickly. Please help me. I cried at the Nat’l Basilica in WDC for hours yesterday, retracing steps we once made, as a unit. Just pray I can be strong and true. And that God will have mercy on me and consider my aching heart and that I am truly sorry. Please ask God to give me a second chance with Kevin with us making our kids too, if he is free.
