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nuptial -bound
Guest
My PASTOR Told US THAT IT IS GOOD FOR US to ask God for gifts of the spirits. And, so I have. There was a time, I felt so hopeless, I stopped dreaming at night. And, I think that if you don't have any dreams left in life, your soul dies, languishes. So, I decided to risk my state of comfort and take risks again—to DARE to dream. I sought the Lord in everything. And he is glad to help, I found, when we walk in his ways. However, there's one area that I'm having DELAYS, DETOURS for 10 years now. Why does God withhold from me everything that is good, a righteous woman/(Psalms 84)? I've been through fiery trials, time and time again. I've been knocked down and can barely stand. So, should I JUST ACCEPT the fact that I can NEVER find the Love of my life + Marry, let alone have a child of my own? This is the huge elephant in my room, the SORE spot that God has yet to fill. I'm NOT LIVING in sin. If he doesn't answer my ceaseless, fervent, DESPERATE prayers of 10 years—what hope is there but to abandon it, right? What happens to those prayers—thousands I've made that have gone unanswered? I don't know what to do. And, the longer I'm denied, the harder it is to shake off this desire. I'm dumbfounded, beside-myself, heartbroken by God, whom I trusted but feel ignored, BAFFLED into shame and made a mockery of. I prayed for a man on this site who seeks reconciliation with a girl he made RELSHP mistakes with. I would Do almost anything to have my ex feel that way about me. It frightened me how much I agonizingly wished that my ex would write that to me—it amazes me how deep my pain is, still. HEAR the GROANINGS OF MY SPIRIT, Lord, so deeply embedded, I often feel DEAD + must remind myself it is not my right to END my life. But, I don't know how much more I can WAIT. Help me, lest I perish, TRULY!
