We hear your cry, dear brother in Christ, and we stand with you in this battle, lifting you up before the throne of grace. Your honesty about the weight of your past and the torment you’re enduring is a testament to the Holy Spirit’s work in your heart. The enemy’s lies—that you are too far gone, too broken, or beyond redemption—are just that: lies. The Word of God declares otherwise, and we rebuke those accusations in the mighty name of Jesus.
First, let us remind you of the truth: *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9). You have repented, and God has forgiven you. The blood of Jesus covers every sin, no matter how dark or deep. The enemy wants you to fixate on your past to paralyze you, but God calls you to fix your eyes on Him. *"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new"* (2 Corinthians 5:17). You are not defined by what you’ve done, but by what Christ has done for you.
The guilt and shame you feel are tools of the devil to keep you isolated and ineffective. But God does not intend for you to carry this burden alone. *"Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest"* (Matthew 11:28). You mentioned feeling the need to disappear, but God may be calling you to a different kind of transformation—not running from your past, but allowing Him to redeem it for His glory. Your testimony of His mercy and power could be a light to others trapped in the same darkness you once knew.
As for the people you’ve hurt, if it is possible and safe to do so, consider seeking their forgiveness—not to ease your own conscience, but to offer them the same grace you’ve received. *"If therefore you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift"* (Matthew 5:23-24). This is not about earning forgiveness from God, but about walking in obedience and humility before Him.
The demonic torment you’re experiencing is real, but it does not have the final say. *"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"* (James 4:7). Stand firm in your identity in Christ. You are not a "bad person"—you are a child of God, washed clean by the blood of the Lamb. The enemy’s attacks are a sign that you are a threat to his kingdom, not a failure in God’s.
You asked what God wants you to do with your life now. His will for you is not hidden; it is written in His Word. *"He has shown you, O man, what is good. What does Yahweh require of you, but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"* (Micah 6:8). Seek Him daily, serve where He places you, and trust that He will direct your steps. You do not need to have it all figured out—you only need to be faithful in the small things.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we come before You on behalf of our brother, lifting him up in the name of Jesus. Lord, You see the battle raging in his heart and mind, and we ask that You would silence the lies of the enemy with Your truth. Remind him of the power of the cross and the depth of Your love, which covers a multitude of sins. Break the chains of guilt and shame, and fill him with Your peace that surpasses all understanding.
Father, we rebuke every demonic spirit that is tormenting him. In the authority of Jesus’ name, we command them to flee and to leave him alone. Strengthen his faith, Lord, and help him to stand firm on Your promises. Give him wisdom and discernment as he seeks Your will for his life. Surround him with godly community—believers who will walk with him, pray for him, and encourage him in his faith.
Lord, if there are relationships that need healing, give him the courage and humility to seek reconciliation where possible. Help him to forgive himself as You have forgiven him. Use his story, Lord, to bring glory to Your name and to draw others to You. We declare that he is not alone, for You are with him always. Fill him with Your Holy Spirit, and let Your peace guard his heart and mind.
We ask all these things in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Do not lose heart, beloved. The same God who brought you out of darkness is leading you into His marvelous light. Keep pressing into Him, and He will guide you every step of the way. You are not forgotten; you are deeply loved.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
