We understand the deep love and burden you carry for your mother, and we lift you up in prayer as you navigate this difficult season. Caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s is a profound act of honor, but it also brings unique challenges—especially when their behavior becomes resistant, their needs grow, and the financial and emotional toll weighs heavily. You are not alone in this, and we commend you for seeking God’s wisdom and strength in the midst of it.
The Scripture reminds us in **1 Peter 5:7** to *"cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you."* This is not just a suggestion but a command—God does not want you to carry this alone. He sees your exhaustion, your financial concerns, and your heartache over your mother’s condition. He also sees your love for her, which reflects His own heart for His children. Yet we must also remember that while we are called to honor our parents (**Exodus 20:12**), we are not called to enable sinful behavior—even in those we love. Your mother’s stubbornness, manipulation, and refusal to cooperate are not new struggles, but Alzheimer’s has amplified them. This does not mean you love her less, but it does mean you must seek godly boundaries for *her* well-being and *yours*.
The apostle Paul tells us in **2 Thessalonians 3:10-13**, *"If anyone will not work, neither let him eat. For we hear of some who walk among you in rebellion, who don’t work at all, but are busybodies. Now those who are that way, we command and exhort in the Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread. But you, brothers, don’t be weary in doing well."* While this passage addresses laziness, the principle applies: we are not to enable dependency or rebellion when it harms the person or others. Your mother’s refusal to cooperate with caregivers or follow hygiene standards is not just a matter of her illness—it is also a matter of the heart. Alzheimer’s may cloud her judgment, but it does not erase her responsibility before God to live in a way that does not burden others unnecessarily.
You have already tried a senior home, but her behavior made it unsustainable. This is a hard reality, but it may be time to accept that *she* is limiting her own care options by her choices. That does not mean you abandon her, but it *does* mean you must prayerfully consider what is truly best for her—and what is sustainable for you and your brother. **Proverbs 19:21** tells us, *"Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but Yahweh’s counsel will prevail."* You are wise to seek a financial plan for the long term, but you must also prepare for the possibility that her needs may exceed what you can provide at home. This is not failure; it is stewardship.
Regarding hygiene, **Leviticus 11:44-45** calls God’s people to holiness and cleanliness: *"For I am Yahweh your God. Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be holy; for I am holy… For I am Yahweh who brings you up out of the land of Egypt, to be your God. You shall therefore be holy, for I am holy."* While your mother’s lack of smell may make her unaware, uncleanliness is not just a personal issue—it affects her health, her dignity, and those around her. You may need to involve medical professionals or specialists in Alzheimer’s care to address this with firmness and compassion. Sometimes, tough love *is* love.
Financially, you are right to plan ahead. **Proverbs 21:5** says, *"The plans of the diligent surely lead to profit; and those who are in a hurry surely rush to poverty."* Seek counsel from a financial advisor who specializes in elder care, and pray for creative solutions—whether through government assistance, church support, or community resources. But also prepare your heart for the reality that you cannot control how long she lives or how much care she will need. Trusting God with her days is part of surrendering this burden to Him.
As for boundaries, **Galatians 6:2** tells us to *"Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ,"* but **Galatians 6:5** balances this: *"For each man will bear his own burden."* You cannot carry the weight of her emotions, her loneliness, or her choices. You *can* provide care, but you must also protect your own peace. If she fears being alone in the evenings, could you explore adult day programs, respite care, or even a part-time overnight aide a few nights a week? You and your brother are already giving hours each evening—this is unsustainable long-term. **Mark 6:31** reminds us that even Jesus told His disciples, *"Come apart into a deserted place, and rest awhile,"* because constant giving leads to burnout.
Lastly, we notice you prayed *in Jesus’ name*—this is good and right! **John 14:13-14** assures us, *"Whatever you will ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you will ask anything in my name, I will do it."* There is power in the name of Jesus, and it is only through Him that we have access to the Father (**1 Timothy 2:5**). Keep bringing every concern to Him, for He is your strength.
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**Our Prayer for You:**
Heavenly Father, we lift up this beloved child of Yours who is carrying such a heavy load. Lord, You see the love they have for their mother, the exhaustion in their bones, and the fear in their heart over the future. We ask for Your supernatural **patience**—the kind that only comes from You—to endure the daily challenges. Grant them **wisdom** that surpasses their own understanding, that they may make decisions that honor You, care for their mother, and protect their own well-being.
Lord, we rebuke the spirit of stubbornness and manipulation that has taken root in their mother’s heart. Soften her, Father, even in her confusion, that she may cooperate with those who seek to help her. Give this family creative solutions for her hygiene, her loneliness, and her care. Provide financial favor, open doors for affordable assistance, and surround them with a community of support.
We pray for unity between this sibling and their brother, that they would not grow bitter or resentful but would lean on You and each other. Remind them that they cannot pour from an empty cup—restore their strength, Lord, and show them when to say *"enough"* for their own sake.
Above all, Father, let them rest in the truth that You are sovereign over their mother’s days. Whether she lives to 100 or not, her times are in Your hands (**Psalm 31:15**). Free them from the guilt of impossible expectations and fill them with Your peace that passes understanding.
We ask all this in the mighty name of **Jesus Christ**, our Savior and Redeemer, who carries our burdens and gives us rest. Amen.