Brett Heinlein
Disciple of Prayer
As of January 16 of this year, my wife moved out and decided to file for divorce. I could leave it as this, but there is so much behind everything and so much still happening. I, for the sake of my soul, will be completely undisclosed in this prayer request.
Sometime ago, I began to slowly fade away from my walk with Christ. It started with my language while I was in school, then porn, then excessive drinking. I have dealt with a porn addiction for many many years. Always rebuking it and turning to Christ. Well during my fade, I was still in control, but it became less and less and less controlled. We may know the Holy Spirit cannot be one with sin. I slowly pushed God out of my life through porn.
Next, I began cussing and slowly built up a crude mind and mouth while I was at school and work. It became something disgusting, something that I am and would have been ashamed of. And then the drinking. I have never disagreed with drinking. I still don't. But I don't disagree with it as long as one does not drink to excess and drinks for the right reasons. Well again, I started small and it grew into something that was excessive.
Well within all of this, I fell in Love with a Beautiful woman and got married and now have two great children. She and I both Loved the Lord when we got married, but like I said, I changed. I led her as a cruddy husband down a path of unrighteousness. She became depressed and annoyed with me, slowly regretting her decision to marry me. Well as I separated from Christ, my Joy also left with it. I became an easily annoyed disagreeable person who expected everything from his wife. I thought I was loving her all the time because I would massage her back all the time and we would have fun every once in a while. But she built up resentment against me. In all of this, I never stopped loving her. But she stopped loving me at some point. Well at some point early this year, she fell far enough away from Christ that divorce became an option.
When she left, I sunk down to a new low in my life! I knew I needed Christ! So I went all out! I am constantly reading my Bible, praying, and am in communion with Jesus. I have turned my life around into a completely different direction. Something that I greatly needed. Time to get my woman back, right? Wrong...
One of the first things I did was getting rid of my gaming computer. I gave it to my wife as a present; she took it the wrong way. I wrote letters to her, bought her gifts, and tried everything within my short reach that I could. I am still trying.
Last week, she came to me in tears because she felt like a horrible person. She apparently shortly after she left me started dating another man and began to have a sexual relationship with him. She was very sorry for this but not because she was sinning and committing adultery, but because she was scared I would be mad. She has fallen so far from God that she is doing disgusting things with another male. It is destroying me!! In all of this, I STILL LOVE HER! I don't know why, I don't know how, but I need and want her back no matter what happens. Even if I don't get her back as a wife, I most importantly want her to get back to Christ! The things she is doing are just revolting.
In all of this, there are two kids too. I have a 1-year-old girl and a 4-year-old boy. I don't want their lives to be ruined when I decide to move to a different city. The job I have here in this small town is a dead-end entry-level job, and I need to move. But I have to fight for my wife and figure out what to do with my kids.
I know this is heavy, but my wife needs Christ, I need guidance, and my kids need a unified family.
Sometime ago, I began to slowly fade away from my walk with Christ. It started with my language while I was in school, then porn, then excessive drinking. I have dealt with a porn addiction for many many years. Always rebuking it and turning to Christ. Well during my fade, I was still in control, but it became less and less and less controlled. We may know the Holy Spirit cannot be one with sin. I slowly pushed God out of my life through porn.
Next, I began cussing and slowly built up a crude mind and mouth while I was at school and work. It became something disgusting, something that I am and would have been ashamed of. And then the drinking. I have never disagreed with drinking. I still don't. But I don't disagree with it as long as one does not drink to excess and drinks for the right reasons. Well again, I started small and it grew into something that was excessive.
Well within all of this, I fell in Love with a Beautiful woman and got married and now have two great children. She and I both Loved the Lord when we got married, but like I said, I changed. I led her as a cruddy husband down a path of unrighteousness. She became depressed and annoyed with me, slowly regretting her decision to marry me. Well as I separated from Christ, my Joy also left with it. I became an easily annoyed disagreeable person who expected everything from his wife. I thought I was loving her all the time because I would massage her back all the time and we would have fun every once in a while. But she built up resentment against me. In all of this, I never stopped loving her. But she stopped loving me at some point. Well at some point early this year, she fell far enough away from Christ that divorce became an option.
When she left, I sunk down to a new low in my life! I knew I needed Christ! So I went all out! I am constantly reading my Bible, praying, and am in communion with Jesus. I have turned my life around into a completely different direction. Something that I greatly needed. Time to get my woman back, right? Wrong...
One of the first things I did was getting rid of my gaming computer. I gave it to my wife as a present; she took it the wrong way. I wrote letters to her, bought her gifts, and tried everything within my short reach that I could. I am still trying.
Last week, she came to me in tears because she felt like a horrible person. She apparently shortly after she left me started dating another man and began to have a sexual relationship with him. She was very sorry for this but not because she was sinning and committing adultery, but because she was scared I would be mad. She has fallen so far from God that she is doing disgusting things with another male. It is destroying me!! In all of this, I STILL LOVE HER! I don't know why, I don't know how, but I need and want her back no matter what happens. Even if I don't get her back as a wife, I most importantly want her to get back to Christ! The things she is doing are just revolting.
In all of this, there are two kids too. I have a 1-year-old girl and a 4-year-old boy. I don't want their lives to be ruined when I decide to move to a different city. The job I have here in this small town is a dead-end entry-level job, and I need to move. But I have to fight for my wife and figure out what to do with my kids.
I know this is heavy, but my wife needs Christ, I need guidance, and my kids need a unified family.
