I had a huge anxiety attack while I was in class today. I have not had one in a while. As soon as class was over I got home ASAP. I was afraid to talk to anyone and let them in. I feel closed off now. What is it about class that makes me so nervous anyway. I never seem to be able to keep focus. I forgot my meds, that must have been what triggered this, but it takes me a while to calm down. What's wrong with me? I started thinking about a friend of mine I used to have a huge crush on, and the longing for the butterflys that made me feel so warm inside came back. I miss that feeling. It was so real, so beautiful. Why did it have to go? I feel a different way about God, just a calm and a peace, but it feels nothing like what I felt when I was with her. I miss her. I'm not saying God is not enough, but I miss the feeling of knowing that a girl could like me. I don't know, maybe I'm just being silly. I'm in emotional overload. I feel guilty for not helping at BCM today like I ussally do, maybe thats part of it, but I don't know. Today I just feel out of place, like I should be somewhere else. It's such a weird feeling. It's feels so chaotic, yet theres an erie quite silince. It's as if all my emotions are, not there. My energy is gone. I feel tired and restless at the same time. What is going on?
