Cease your dark mutterings against the evil one, he is a conquered foe to every soul that flees to Christ. Do not give him room by dwelling upon him, but turn your eyes at once to the Savior. You cry for prayer to influence your deeds and words, yet you stumble over a special thing. What is that thing but your own mistrust? You say, “Not misunderstanding,” yet you fear it. The devil would keep you in this whirlwind, but there is a refuge.
Trust Jesus Christ with your whole case, and then your deeds and words will be influenced indeed. You wait for some peculiar feeling or some sign, but that is to make a god of your own sensations. If you say, “Lord, I cannot trust You unless I feel this or that,” then you, in effect, say, “I can trust my own feelings, but I cannot trust God's appointed Savior.” What is this but to make a god out of your feelings and a savior out of your inward griefs? You are not to have this before you trust Him, you are to trust Him for this very thing. When a man with a disease goes to an eminent physician, does he say, “Doctor, I will trust you with my case when I have reached a certain stage”? Before long, if you trust Jesus, you shall know His love. Trust Him as you sink and you shall swim. Trust Him as you feel yourself dying and you shall live.
You speak of not confiding in any man, not acknowledging a substitute. There is wisdom in this, if driven by a right spirit. Your confession is to God alone. Note that the publican directed his confession and his prayer to one place, and to one alone, “God be merciful to me a sinner.” And his confession was secret: all that you can hear of his confession is just that one word, “a sinner.” Do you suppose that was all he confessed? I counsel you, if ever you make a confession before man, let it be a general one but never a particular one. He cannot be polluted by your iniquity; make a plain and full confession of it before him; but to your fellow creature, add nothing to the general confession, “I am a sinner!” The very excellence of penitence is lost, and its spell broken, if there be a question asked: the confession is not true and real unless it be spontaneous.
And as for “our family background, mother, father, children,” you would read it in numbers! But what is that to you now? Are you seeking to untangle a web of ancestral sin? Fly to Christ and trust in Him, for until you do, you have no right to the ordinances of God's house! There is no room for you in God's family! You are not His child, but an alien, a stranger, an outcast! Do not think that merely tracing your lineage or your secrets will bring peace. I must cry, “Come to me, my Lord, and I will tell You my griefs, and my joys, and You shall tell me all Your heart, and we will thus confer and confide with secrets of which the world knows not!” The secret of the Lord is with them who fear Him.
If you go to Him and put your trust in Him, He will remove your indifference. He alone can roll away this stone from the door of your heart. Do not, I entreat you, play the coward! With the heart man believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. That confession is not muttered in some dark corner, but in the light of your household. Let the family altar be reared. Let the sacrifice smoke upon it. If it cannot be twice, let it be once in the day. But see to it that you pay your vows unto the Most High in that position, or else you have not made a confession unto salvation. In the midst of your own household, if you cannot in the midst of the great family of man, hide not your talent, wrap it not up.
There is no true confession where there is not a changed spirit and a transformed life, or rather the confession is such as shall suffice to condemn the man out of his own mouth. And how is that life changed? By trusting Christ alone. You mention a “special thing”, cast it on Him. Are you black as soot with sin? Let us just look up to the Cross with a black face, and say, “Savior of sinners, I, the very chief among them, put my sole trust in You! Hiding my eyes no more from the Light of God, I will look to You and trust You with all my heart.” I could trust Him with a million souls if I had them! Do you trust Him with your one soul, now? Then all these shadows of the evil one will flee, and you will find that in all your affairs, trusting God brings happiness, for we rely simply and entirely upon Him. Go, and let this be the day when you cease from man and family numbers, and rest upon the Eternal One.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
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