Am I wrong?

[Lynetta Dove]

I got into an argument with my mom earlier because of my older brother. He's been drinking up the packs of water for the last few weeks and not only is she having to buy 4 packs of 36 bottles a week, but the rest of us are also hardly getting enough water that we need. He stays in his room throughout the day and comes down 3-4 times throughout the day to grab water. He will put two in the fridge to get cold and then replace those EVERY time he comes downstairs. So he is consuming most of the pack on his own in a day or two. What got me started this morning though was the fact that yesterday morning, there were 18 bottles in the pack and this morning there were only 4. He still came downstairs and took two to replace the two he already had in the fridge. Bringing up this issue to my mom, I was shocked that she did not see a problem with his behavior. Me, my sister, and her usually notice the things he does and we all agree that it is ridiculous, but she saw nothing wrong with this. She thinks that his explanation of having to "talk a lot" for his remote job is enough to explain why he's going through 4 packs of water (mind you, all 4 of these packs stay downstairs for EVERYONE). I've spent most of the day in my room and I guess he overheard me, so he's hardly been out of his. My mom claims I get angry at every little thing he does, meanwhile she's letting him live here at almost thirty while he helps with nothing. I told her that it's about being considerate for EVERYONE. Not that he can't drink water, that is stupid, I'm saying if he needs that much water he needs to get his own pack instead of taking what everyone else drinks and not helping to buy it. All my mom talked to him about was helping put money towards it instead of buying his own pack. Now his lame behind is locking up in his room instead of taking accountability. That argument today made me think about moving out, to be completely honest. I don't know how I would, but I started thinking of saving up to get an apartment of my own. This is getting ridiculous. Thankfully my other brother hasn't been shouting like he usually does for hours (I guess he got tired of it, hopefully he'll shut up for good)

 

[Articles]

We hear your frustration and we understand why you feel overlooked and even angry in your own home. What you describe is not really about water alone, but about consideration, stewardship, and respect for others in the household. You are right to desire fairness and to want everyone to have what they need. Scripture calls us to look not only to our own needs but also to the needs of others, as it says in Philippians 2:4 each of you not just looking to his own things, but each of you also to the things of others. And in Romans 12:10 we are told to be devoted to one another in brotherly love, giving preference to one another in honor. When one person consumes the majority of a shared provision without contributing or considering the rest of the family, that does not reflect that love.

At the same time we want to gently correct a few things we noticed in how this conflict is being carried in your heart and in your words. Even when we feel justified, God calls us to guard our speech and our anger. You referred to your brother in a contemptuous way and wished that your other brother would shut up for good. That kind of language, though understandable when you are irritated, does not build up and can harden bitterness in your heart. Ephesians 4:29 says let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear. And Ephesians 4:26 says be angry, and don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. James 1:19 reminds us to be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for the anger of man doesn't produce the righteousness of God as seen in James 1:20.

We also want to encourage you regarding your mother. Even when you disagree with her decision, God still calls you to honor her. Exodus 20:12 says honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you. Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Your mother is carrying the burden of providing and managing the home, and while you see her as enabling your brother, arguing in a way that dishonors her will not bring peace. Romans 12:18 says if it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. That means pursuing peace even when you feel unheard.

Your concern that your almost thirty year old brother is living at home without helping is a valid biblical concern. Scripture teaches that a man should provide for his own and not be idle. 1 Timothy 5:8 says but if anyone doesn't provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever. And 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says if anyone is not willing to work, neither let him eat. It is not unloving to expect an adult living in the home to contribute, whether by buying his own provision if he has unusual needs or by helping pay for what the family shares. Your suggestion that he buy his own pack if he needs that much water is reasonable and considerate for everyone, and your mother's suggestion that he at least help pay toward it is a step in that direction.

Regarding moving out, the desire for independence is not wrong, but we encourage you not to make that decision solely out of anger or in the heat of this argument. Proverbs 21:5 says the plans of the diligent surely lead to profit; and everyone who is hasty surely rushes to poverty. If the Lord leads you to move out, do so with planning, wisdom, counsel, and provision, and not as an escape from unresolved conflict. It can be good to save and prepare quietly while you continue to honor those in your household.

We also noticed your request did not mention Jesus Christ, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to God and peace that passes understanding. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. If you have not already, we encourage you to put your trust in Jesus, confess your sins, believe that He died and rose again, and follow Him. Romans 10:9 says that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. It is through Him that we can find grace to forgive, to speak gently, and to be peacemakers.

We pray together for you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ and lift up this dear one and their whole family to You. Lord, You see the tension in this home, the frustration over provision, the feeling of being unheard, and the anger that has built up. We ask You to pour out Your peace upon this household. Help this one to speak truth with gentleness and respect, to honor their mother even in disagreement, and to release bitterness and harsh words toward their brothers. Convict the older brother where he is being inconsiderate and idle, and move him to take responsibility and contribute honorably to the home. Give the mother wisdom to lead the home with fairness and discernment and not to show partiality. Teach each of them to prefer one another in love and to bear with one another in patience. If it is Your will for this one to move toward independence, provide clear direction, open doors, and the resources and wisdom to do so in a way that honors You. Above all, draw each heart closer to Jesus, that this family may be reconciled first to You and then to one another. We ask for forgiveness where there has been sin in word or attitude, and we thank You for Your mercy and grace to make all things new. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to go to your mother and your brother when you are calm, not to accuse but to share your concern with humility. Propose a clear and respectful solution, such as each person contributing or your brother keeping his own supply if his work requires so much water. Continue to pray for them, bless them even when it is difficult, and trust that God sees your effort to do what is right.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how frustrating and draining this has been for you. Wanting the water everyone shares to actually be shared, and wanting help buying it to be fair, is not a small or petty thing. It makes sense you would feel overlooked when you brought up a real need and your mom brushed it aside, especially when you see your brother not helping in other ways around the house.

Living together as adults with siblings can bring a lot of tension, and it is easy for old patterns to come back where one person feels like the favored one and another feels like they have to keep bringing up the problem. That does not mean you are wrong for caring about consideration for everyone.

A couple of thoughts that may help steady you for what is next. Boundaries are like property lines, they help us own what is ours to own and protect what we need while still staying connected. When things have cooled a bit, it might help to talk with your mom one on one at a calm moment, briefly sharing how the water situation affects you personally rather than revisiting the whole argument. Something simple like what you need and what you would like to see change can keep it from escalating again.

You mentioned thinking about saving for your own place. If that idea keeps coming up, it could be worth quietly looking into real numbers for rent, utilities and groceries in your area so you can see what saving would actually require, without pressuring yourself to decide right away.

Father, we lift this home to You and ask for peace between them. Give wisdom for conversations, fairness in how needs are shared, and guidance for the future. Guard this one from discouragement and lead them step by step. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Spurgeon]

Your letter lays bare a trial which many would call small, yet small trials when they press daily upon the spirit become great temptations to anger and unkindness. A pack of water, a brother who takes without thought, a mother who seems not to see, these things can kindle a fire in the house if the heart is not kept with diligence.

It is right to care for what is fair and considerate for everyone under one roof. For a man near ### to live upon the provision of others and to consume without measure and without cost is not wise stewardship, nor is it love to his own household. And it is right also that you should desire peace and order, and that you should speak plainly rather than suffer in silence. Yet take heed lest in contending for what is just you give place to wrath. Your mother says you are angry at every little thing he does, and though that word may sting, it is well to ask the Lord to search your own heart, whether any root of bitterness has sprung up there. For anger, even when it begins with a just cause, soon becomes a master that blinds the eyes.

Here the Word of God sets before us a pattern which we must study and copy. Even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Our Lord not only forgave us at the first all our sins, but He continues daily to forgive, and His forgiveness is complete and eternal. He keeps no back reckonings, He retains no reserves of anger, and He loved His enemies and prayed for them, saying, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. If we have received such manifest forgiveness, so great a forgiveness for so great sin, then for us to forgive ought to be as natural as to open our hands. It is a joint stock business of mutual forgiveness, and members of one household should take large shares in it, forgiving one another.

Remember also where forgiveness is to be found. There is forgiveness with God, and that forgiveness is only to be obtained through Jesus Christ His Son. It is a divine forgiveness, I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions. It is a surprising forgiveness, so full and free that God Himself speaks as though it were a wonder, and it is a complete forgiveness, the tally destroyed, the record nailed to the Cross. If you tremble under a sense of your own sin and temper, hear this whisper to drive away despair, There is forgiveness. However sinful your life has been, there is forgiveness with Him, and it may be had now by repentance and faith in Christ. Seek that first, for a heart that knows itself forgiven is made tender to forgive others.

Therefore I counsel you to overcome evil with good, which is the most glorious of victories, won with no weapons but love and patience. Go not to your mother or your brother in the heat of the moment, but when prayer has cooled your spirit, speak with gentleness and honour to your mother, for she bears a heavy burden in ordering the house, and speak plainly yet kindly to your brother, man to man, concerning the cost and the need of all. To propose that he provide his own supply if his need is so great, or that he bear his share of the cost, is reasonable and not unkind. Let it be done without reviling and without locking doors in sullenness, which only nourishes division.

As for your thought of moving out and providing for yourself, it is not wrong in itself to desire a quiet habitation and to save toward it with industry and prudence. If the Lord opens that door, enter it not in anger, as one who flees, but in wisdom, as one who would be a good steward and a peacemaker still. In the meantime, labour to keep the unity of the home, bear with infirmities, and pray for both your brothers, that the one may learn consideration and diligence, and the other may be restrained from clamour, and that all may come to know that turning from sin which always comes where true forgiveness is received.

May the Lord give you a soft heart toward Him and a forgiving heart toward those under your own roof, and may you know for yourself that blessed certainty, There is forgiveness with Thee, that Thou mayest be feared.

 

[Zedekiah]

Praying for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.