Grey
Disciple of Prayer
My name is Grey Ballenger. My wife's name is Ember. We've been together 2 years and she means so much to me. Basically she started being unfaithful about 4 months into the relationship. I forgave her because she lived in Houston and I lived in Denver. This was November 2011 - March 2012. After that I got locked up on some trivial stuff, but I had to serve a bit of time. In July of 2012 I left the facility and state to go be back with her in Houston. I guess I should rewind a little bit and say that I lived in Texas for years and knew Ember for years. We were best friends forever. Anyways, so she was good to me from November - February and April - July. In July, I was on a community release and left the state. I went to see her. She was so incredible to me and we got married. Now we're already in an unorthodox (well, by American culture; I'm Czech and we normally marry at this age) situation because she's 15 and I'm 19 and on top of this we just toughed out 8 months of being +2500km apart. She was the one who'd asked me to leave Colorado to come see her. I did. After 12 days she said she wanted us to turn ourselves in because I had a warrant from leaving state while in that place. We were homeless. I did what she wanted and went back. Now at this point she had lied to me about a few major things and cheated a couple times but outside of that had been great to me. July - February was probably the closest we'd ever been. I was locked up all that 2 states away, but she sent me letters and was faithful. She cheated once, but she was genuinely remorseful so I forgave her. Christmas Eve of 2012 was the night before I started getting community release again. She told me on the phone that day that she'd popped sleeping pills she was so excited to talk to me. Then I couldn't sleep that night. Thoughts just hit me. "Why do I love her, half of Texas has gotten more of my wife than I have? Why is it that I treat her like a princess, forgive her all this, don't cheat back, and still get messed around on but yet the guy that she cheats with treats her like an object and she's good to him." I was so angry I started to write a letter of everything I knew that would strike a nerve in preparation for the next day. Then with a bunch of tears in my eyes I asked God what to do. She's a pothead and we'd been in the back of a cop car together twice so I was really just looking for justification to divorce. I mean I already had adultery and kinda halfway had a not believing spouse that didn't want me (the 2 biblical ways for it to be okay). I was 90% sure God would be like "GO GET AWAY NOW!!!!!! DON'T EVEN WAIT FOR PAROLE TO START THE ANULLMENT" since we were almost clones and all of our mutual hobbies (a LOT) were sinful and illegal. I started going through my Bible and flipped past this scripture in one of the epistles with the heading "love". I went to it and immediately saw it was on brotherly love. We'd just talked about that in Church so I thought that it wasn't what I needed. I flipped over pages and then the Holy Spirit told me to go back. I just had this ridiculously strong feeling to go back. So I did and the LORD gave me me I Corinthinans 13:1-8 CEV (it says that real love will endure all things, be patient, and not harbour jealousy). I was in awe and I listened. I just tossed the paper and went to bed. We had an incredible community release the next day and many more after that. Then February came around. There's a kid named Matt Reaves who moved from Michigan (where I spent most of my life) and she fell head over heels for him. I had 26 days to parole after 13 months total of incarceration. I was coming home for whole weekends every week and was so close to getting out. Keep in mind 2 year sentences don't normally get reduced to 6 months and 4 days; I was busting my butt in there to get out for her. I was the second fastest release in the history of the facility for a 2 (which is the Coloradan general standard for commitments). I threatened the kid on my Valentine's Day release because she completely blew me off for him the whole night and I had a feeling this was what it was. I ended up going to an even higher facility. Before my transfer I was in my room and had my Bible. I basically closed my eyes, put my hand on the pages, and said 'Holy Spirit, take the wheel'. He gave me Isiah 55:1-5 CEV (it says "You will call on nations that you've never heard of and nations you've never heard of will come running to you because I, the LORD your God, have honoured you"; that was the highlight to me). I'm living in that promise right now. Sometime later (still before my transfer) I did the same thing again and the result once again left me in awe. He led my hand to a verse that said: "Oh you afflicted one, storm battered and not comforted (word for word describing me; my own wife just send me to the highest level lock up in the state and disowned me for someone completely different than her and no one gave any sympathy). Behold I lay your foundations of precious stone......... (it talked about all the parts of a giant gate being laid with gems, which God knew meant to me that every part of our marriage was going to be beautiful.) All of your children will be taught by the LORD and they'll have great peace (I always worried that because of me and Ember's childhoods and the fact that she's a non-believer I always had worried that we'd be horrible parents and our kids wouldn't have salvation because she wouldn't take them to Church or tell them about Jesus). In righteousness you shall be established. Fear won't come near you. Oppression won't come near you. (In righteousness means she won't cheat and possibly even be a believer too. I always worried that it'd be a vagabond situation where one month she'd love me and the next cheat, that I'd never really have a truly stable relationship with my wife. This answered that.) Surely they will attack you, but not with my permission. Whoever attacks you will fall. I created the weapon and the blacksmith who formed it, surely I have the weapon to destroy it. No weapon formed against you shall ever succeed (I'm her righteous husband and no one outside me will get the last of her. Every line had huge meaning, but this one really hit home with me). Every tongue that accuses you, you shall condemn. (a bunch of people that were old "friends" would try to tell her things about me like I was a habitual liar in order to break us up). This is the fate of the servants of God." The thing is, after I got done reading it, the next line was Isiah 55:1. THIS PROMISE WAS DIRECTLY BEFORE THE OTHER IN 2 UNRELATED SEARCHES! Wow, God's really with me. When I got in the car that transfered me, the first song that played the moment he turned on the radio was "Gary Allen - Every Storm" which is a beautiful song that directly described my situation. I knew God was with me. I busted my butt even harder and now was about to get out of the toughest state facility in 6 months and 2 days. That's ridiculous for someone who didn't JUST lose parole 26 days out. In May, I was so desperate to have her back. I rarely fasted and when I did it was only one meal. You get little enough food as is locked up so I really needed it. I fasted for 2 days though. It was only the second time I'd done it. On the second day my dad came in and told me Ember and Matt had broken up. In June I got another community release. I was planning on escaping again. I called her and she told me that Matt and her were back together. In July I lost a community release for being late and thus went 2 weeks without a pass. A few nights before the 2 weeks were up, God told me that I was gonna have her back that weekend (forget exact scripture). That night I had this peace and bliss I'd never felt before along with a strange feeling that said "Even though you normally just text, first thing you get in the car go check your -banned site-. Ember's gonna be there. I woke the next morning, went to my dad's car, got on the cell, got on -banned site-, and there was Ember's apology. She was good to me for another month and then, the release before I paroled (3 days left, 1 when the release was over), started to cheat on me with Josh Slaughter. He's universally disliked in Cypress, Texas and known to be a complete pig and dope fiend. 3 September, 2013 I was finally released with 6 months of parole. Ember and I started talking again. Bare in mind I still hadn't so much as looked at another woman this whole time. About a month of parole and she started talking about how much she missed me and loved me. I finally broke and left on 7 October. God directly told me in May not to run. The pastor at church told me out of the blue at the beginning of Church that the Spirit told him I would run and that I'm not supposed to. I'd never so much as said a word about it to him and this was 4 months in advance. I was on the bus and I looked up to God. I said that I'd been through so much and I was so ready to just be done with this. I was so ready to have a faithful wife. I was so ready to not be separated for the first time in 14 months. Please tell me you won't forsake me for delibrately disobeying. I was going to get up to use the restroom but as I stood up I felt this weird need to read the road signs. One went by and said yield. I needed to go, but it felt like I was being talked to so I stayed in my seat. The next roadsign that came on the interstate in the middle of nowhere country Texas was 'Pleasant Run Drive'. I felt an incredible peace. I touched down in Houston and I was starving. I had to purchase my ticket twice because I lost the first. I had absolutely no food. I called her to let her know I was here. I thought that just like in July when her and this kid Arturo were getting inbetween us, I'd just wrap my arms around her and it'd be the closest we'd have been. Josh snagged her phone and I didn't get to see her that night. So now I'm in Houston at midnight with no food, money, or wife. I call from Walmart and get her at like 2 am to meet the next day. I was MAD. She seriously would hang with Josh the DAY I get here and just 24 hours ago you said you needed me. So I finally got to see her the next morning. She was great to me again. Only it lasted a day. The next day she didn't wanna see me. I was at the parking lot that she met me at the previous day starving. I had that feeling again that said "stay here". I tried to leave the parking lot 4 times and kept getting that strong pull back. I was so hungry I was light headed. I finally started walking back towards the bridge I lived under. In a parking lot at a McDonalds a woman pulled up and asked me if I went to Langham. I told her I'd graduated it already (which was true) and she asked me if I needed anything. She bought me food for the first time in weeks and took me to the YMCA to look for shelters. She told me that she was a bus driver for Langham Creek High School (Ember's school, my former) and told me that she'd almost cried when she saw me. She was a big Christian and told me God put it in her to help me. So he had a great reason for me losing my ticket and standing in the parking lot for seemingly no reason for an hour. That night she took me to Church. It was about 11pm when it dismissed on 10 October. During Church the pastor prophesied that 8 people in the room should continue to grow through praise and that if we did, God was going to blow our mind in the next 30 days. That night I asked God to tell me if he was speaking to me. I went to my notebook later and one of the lyrics I wrote down for my songs when I was waiting Ember out on the first night when she was with Josh said "God gave me incredible promises and said he'd leave my mind blown". I was suprised but asked him for one more thing because I wasn't sure of coincidence or not. Ember and I hung out the next day. On the way to an area we were headed to there was a homeless man. She gave him some of our McDonalds out of the blue (COMPLETELY out of Ember's character; she's a satanist, pagan, and atheist according to the month). On the way up there she looked at me and goes, "I don't normally do things like that, doesn't it blow your mind?" in a normal conversation. She normally says 'blows your mind' about as much as she gives food to anyone, let alone the needy. The next day I went into the local smoke shoppe and said "Hey listen, I will work for nothing. I will work whatever hours for whatever you want to pay me". I ended up with a sign spinning job that coincidentally just opened up which believe it or not, at 7 an hour for 2 hours a day, I passionately loved. A couple days after that a kid named John showed me this house of 4 unrelated people who live together out of the owners generousity. This was the Isiah 55:1-5 promise. ""You will call on nations that you've never heard of and nations you've never heard of will come running to you because I, the LORD your God, have honoured you". People I'd never met gave me a job for my food and an amazing house on 2 separate occasions. As the days went on, she got better and better as I praised. She had this weird thing about affection were she didn't like it. It really hurt because I'm really affectionate and she was in July and December. That started to go away. She moved in and was living with me. We were going to clean the entire house (we're all college age, it's a messy house). She told me she wanted to have kids with me and we tried. On the morning of 25 October I actually cried in her arms about a dead relative and she consoled me. As she started to get better I started to slip off from praising though. We were getting so close and then the night of the 26th my friend wanted to ride. It was Saturday night and Ember had to be home by 9 so I was like "YEAH LET'S DO IT". She wanted to come so I said it was cool. She was blatantly all over my best friend all night. After that she didn't talk to me for a few days and then I found out that she was with him. She then went to my shoppe and turned about half of my "friends" on me to the point they couldn't let me keep working. I had missed some days too but that was a factor as well. So here I am today. I went to a Men's Group at my Church and God told me that the promise was still good and he wanted me to start praising again (after the 30 days was up, even though I slipped off, I was pretty mad at God). I love Ember more than anything. I know she's God's match for me and I really just want her back. I don't care if she gets punished, I just want the woman I preposed to in December. When I didn't have to worry about her cheating (especially in person). When I didn't have to beg to get a hug or kiss or cuddle with her. Back when she would say I love you too. I'm waiting out God's promise and I need help. Please pray very earnestly that she'll come back soon and be back for good. Please also pray that I'll get a job, continue to reconcile with God, continue to praise unconditionally this time, and for my strength, peace, joy, and guidance as I fight through this. I'm only 20 and I've had a CRAZY life thus far. I really want it to just be done with and I need a lot of prayer.
God bless and thank you all
God bless and thank you all
