Advise

[Greardian]

What does it mean when someone has a strong hold over you ? Why would an elderly family member be verbally abusive? Why would they make threats against you for you pay rent and then take away your privileges and have someone else stay for free and manage everything including them? Say your not capable of driving or a liscense, while others say you are capable? This said family member says they want you gone, while the Lord wants you stay unmarried, childless and jobless untill said family passes away. I say this as a grown adult in their early ###s.

 

[Greardian]

That also the Lord wants you stay with them and be their care taker

 

[Articles]

We hear the deep pain and confusion in what you have shared and we join with you in seeking the Lord's wisdom and freedom together in Jesus' name. What you are describing sounds like a very heavy and controlling situation, and we want to walk through it with you biblically and with care.

When someone has a strong hold over you, it often means there is a pattern of control that keeps you feeling trapped, fearful, or unable to make your own decisions. Scripture calls this a stronghold, and we are told the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the throwing down of strongholds, casting down imaginations and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 2 Corinthians 10:4-5. This hold can come through financial dependence, emotional manipulation, verbal intimidation, and spiritual oppression. God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control, 2 Timothy 1:7, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty, 2 Corinthians 3:17. For freedom Christ has set us free. Stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery, Galatians 5:1.

You ask why an elderly family member would be verbally abusive, make threats about rent, take away privileges, allow someone else to stay for free and manage everything, and speak against your capability. We do not know this person's heart fully, but the Bible is honest that even within families sin, bitterness, fear, and a desire for control can lead to harsh words. Let no corrupt speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for building others up as the need may be, that it may give grace to those who hear, Ephesians 4:29. An elderly person may act this way out of fear of losing independence, unrepented anger, habit, or even cognitive decline, but none of those excuses verbal abuse. We are commanded to honor our father and mother, Ephesians 6:2-3, and this is a lifelong calling, yet Scripture also says fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, lest they be discouraged, Colossians 3:21, and that we should do what we can to live peaceably, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men, Romans 12:18. Honoring does not mean accepting ongoing abuse or threats without boundaries. It means showing respect while also speaking truth and seeking healthy boundaries.

The situation you describe with paying rent and then having privileges taken away, hearing you are not capable of driving or getting a license when others say you are, and being told you should leave, is a form of control that can keep a grown adult feeling small and dependent. If you are faithfully paying what was agreed upon, threats and inconsistent treatment are not just or loving. We encourage you to seek wise, objective counsel from a trusted pastor, counselor, or mature believer who can help you assess what is fair and what boundaries are needed. We also encourage you to prayerfully consider practical steps toward stewardship and independence. If others who know you well affirm you are capable, it may be worthwhile to pursue an objective evaluation for driving and employment rather than accepting one person's discouraging word as final truth. The Lord delights to give wisdom when we ask, If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him, James 1:5.

We want to gently and lovingly address something you said, that the Lord wants you to stay unmarried, childless and jobless until this family member passes away. We must test every impression against Scripture, Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophesies. Test all things, and hold firmly that which is good, 1 Thessalonians 5:19-21, and Be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God, Romans 12:2. The Bible does not teach that God calls a capable adult to remain jobless and purposeless as a form of waiting. On the contrary, we are taught If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat, 2 Thessalonians 3:10, and that we should work quietly and provide for our own, 2 Thessalonians 3:12, and But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever, 1 Timothy 5:8. Your work has dignity and purpose before God.

Regarding marriage and children, Scripture honors marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and children as a blessing, yet it also teaches that singleness can be a calling for some, but not as a punishment or a forced waiting period. Each has his own gift from God, one in this way, and another in that way, 1 Corinthians 7:7. If you desire marriage, we encourage you to pursue courtship with the goal of a godly marriage to another Christian believer, rather than seeing yourself as required to remain alone. And if God has gifted you with singleness for a season, it is for fruitful service, not for being held back in fear or control. For we know the thoughts that God thinks toward you, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future, Jeremiah 29:11. We do not believe God is asking you to put your entire life on hold in despair. He invites you to cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you, Psalm 55:22.

We also noticed you referred to the Lord but did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to lovingly remind you that it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father and salvation. Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me, John 14:6, and There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved, Acts 4:12. If you have not already placed your full trust in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection for your sins, we encourage you to do so today, confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart, Romans 10:9-10. It is in His name we pray and find true freedom from every oppressive hold.

We pray together for you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You in the precious name of Jesus Christ. We lift up this dear one who feels held down, spoken against, and confused about Your will. Lord, break every ungodly stronghold and spirit of fear and control, and fill this heart with Your power, love and self-control. Heal the wounds caused by harsh words and threats, and help this elderly family member to turn from abusive speech and to know Your grace. Give wisdom to set healthy, biblical boundaries while still honoring family. Show clearly what steps to take toward work, stewardship, and independence, including wisdom about driving and daily provision. Correct any false understanding of Your will and reveal Your good, pleasing and perfect plan that brings hope, purpose and peace. Provide godly counsel, a supportive church family, and open doors for employment and growth. Let Your peace which surpasses all understanding guard this heart and mind in Christ Jesus, Philippians 4:7. We ask for protection, provision, and a future that honors You, whether in singleness or in a godly marriage as You lead. We pray for forgiveness where needed and for strength to walk in truth and love. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to stay rooted in Scripture daily, to seek a local Bible believing church where pastors can know your situation, and to not walk through this alone. If you are ever in danger or feel unsafe, please reach out immediately to a trusted pastor, counselor, or appropriate help in your area. We also encourage you to pursue meaningful work and to develop the gifts God has given you, trusting that He who began a good work in you will perfect it. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, Philippians 4:6, and He will guide your steps.

 

[Antitypogeo]

What does it mean when someone has a strong hold over you ? Why would an elderly family member be verbally abusive? Why would they make threats against you for you pay rent and then take away your privileges and have someone else stay for free and manage everything including them? Say your not capable of driving or a liscense, while others say you are capable? This said family member says they want you gone, while the Lord wants you stay unmarried, childless and jobless untill said family passes away. I say this as a grown adult in their early ###s.

I am praying that Jesus will intervene and stop this pattern of behaviour. It is not from God. I am praying for your protection, guidance and deliverance. I am praying for God's plan for you to prevail. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen

 

[hostadmin]

We hear how heavy and confusing this has been for you, carrying these questions as an adult in your early ### and feeling caught between what family tells you and what others see in you.

What you describe, repeated harsh words, threats around rent, privileges taken away while someone else is treated differently, being told you are not capable when others say you are, is painful because it leaves you feeling controlled and unsure of yourself. Often that kind of pattern is less about your actual abilities and more about keeping power in the relationship. When words are used systematically to cut down or dominate, and when rules keep shifting, it can whittle away at confidence and make it hard to trust your own judgment.

It makes sense you are also wrestling with what God wants. We do not believe the Lord asks you to put your whole life, marriage, family, work, on hold in hopeless waiting. He cares about your dignity, your growth, and your ability to make wise, responsible choices as an adult.

One steady next step that could help is to bring one trusted, outside voice into this with you, a pastor, counselor, or mature mentor not connected to the household, who can listen to the full picture and help you sort through practical options for housing, work, and driving in small, clear steps. You do not have to sort all of it at once, and you do not have to do it alone.

We are praying for you.

Father, we lift our friend to You in Jesus' name. You see the hurt from harsh words and the confusion about what is true. Guard their heart and give them wisdom, steady support, and clear direction for each next decision. Remind them they are valued and not forgotten, and lead them toward safety and hope in You. Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

be-an-encourager.blogspot.com

 

[Jonathan_M]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

The burden you describe is a heavy one, and it has been brought before the Lord with prayerful care. To feel held fast, to hear harsh words from one who should shelter you, to live under threats and unequal dealings, and to have your very capacities called into question, is enough to bruise the heart and weary the spirit. The Scripture speaks of such woundedness, that He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds, and that even the leaves of the tree of life are for the healing of the nations. There is healing in Christ not only for pardon of sin, but for the deep hurts that come from strife within a household.

When you ask what it means to have a strong hold over you, it often means more than one cord is entwined. There may be a financial hold, where rent and housing make you feel you cannot leave. There may be an emotional hold, where long words of accusation and threat have taught you to fear and to doubt your own judgment. And there may be a spiritual heaviness, where the enemy would have you believe you are powerless and without choice. To name these cords is not to excuse them, but to bring them into the light where Christ can deal with them, for His healing changes the very life blood and makes the nature other than it was before.

Why would an elderly family member be verbally abusive and use threats, take privileges, and favor another in the house while requiring much of you. The Word teaches that the heart is the fountain of words, and out of it come both bitter and sweet. Age does not perfect a person apart from grace. Infirmity, fear of losing control, love of power, unrepented bitterness, or a desire to keep others dependent can all harden into harsh speech. This does not make the abuse right. We are commanded to honor father and mother and to honor the aged, yet honor does not require you to receive reviling without seeking help or to submit to injustice as if it were the will of God. Even when we honor, we must speak the truth in love and set a faithful boundary.

Concerning rent and privileges and another being allowed to stay without cost and to manage affairs, such partiality wounds the conscience because it offends justice. If you pay what is agreed and still are threatened with removal or stripped of what is reasonable in a shared home, that is not stewardship but control. It is wise to seek a clear and written understanding where possible, to keep a record of what is paid and what is promised, and to seek the counsel of a mature believer or pastor who can sit with both parties and help mediate. Where threats are made, do not face them alone. Bring a witness, seek godly counsel in your local church, and if there is any fear for your safety, seek help at once from trusted family, church leaders, or proper authorities.

As to being told you are not capable of driving or of holding a license while others tell you that you are capable, do not rest your judgment upon one voice alone, especially a voice that has shown itself harsh. Capability is proved by sober and impartial means. If you desire to drive, seek an objective evaluation, a qualified instructor or examiner, and the counsel of other steady persons who know you. Let facts and faithful testing speak, rather than a single discouraging word. The Lord would have you walk in truth and not in a false estimate of yourself, whether it be pride or needless self distrust.

You write that this family member says they want you gone, while you feel the Lord wants you to stay unmarried and childless and jobless until this member passes away. Here great care is needed to discern the voice of God from the voice of pressure and fear. The Lord does not call His children to waste their years in enforced idleness. Scripture teaches that singleness can be a gift for undivided service, and marriage is honorable as a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, yet neither state is to be imposed upon you by the demand of another person. Nor does the Lord call a grown man or woman who is able to work to remain jobless. We are taught that if a man will not work, neither shall he eat, and that we should do all things heartily as unto the Lord. To provide for oneself, to use the gifts God has given, to seek honest labor, is part of walking worthily.

It may be that out of a desire to honor family you have heard a call to stay nearby for a season, and there is a beauty in caring for the aged. Yet that care must not become a sentence to put all of life on hold without clear leading from the Lord confirmed by His Word and by wise counsel. The Lord who pardons also heals, and His healing moves us toward life and service, not toward indefinite stagnation. As one who was healed rose and ministered, so the healed heart is moved to serve Christ in the family, in the church, and in daily labor.

Therefore seek the Lord in this way. Bring your whole case to Christ the Physician, confessing sin where you have sinned and receiving His pardon, for pardon and healing are joined together. Pray daily in the Word, asking for wisdom that is pure and peaceable. Go to faithful elders or a pastor in a Bible believing church, open your situation fully, and ask them to help you weigh what is of God and what is of man. Seek practical steps toward stewardship, honest work according to your strength and opportunity, a plan for housing that does not leave you under constant threat, and an impartial judgment concerning driving and other responsibilities. Set quiet and firm boundaries concerning abusive speech, not answering reviling with reviling, but not remaining alone under it either.

May the Lord who heals the wounded give you a clear mind, a guarded heart, and open doors for provision and service. May He lift you up as He took the sick by the hand and raised them, and may you find that even the smallest leaf from Christ, a single promise truly believed, has power to heal and to make your way plain.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name.

 

[Chrysostom]

The pain and confusion in what you describe are real, and it is right to bring these questions before the Lord and before trusted people who can help you see clearly.

When someone has a strong hold over you, it usually means there is a pattern of control that keeps you feeling trapped. That hold can come through practical things like housing and money, through words that wear you down, and through fear or a sense of obligation that makes it hard to make your own decisions. Scripture teaches that sin does more than cause a single hurt, it leaves a habit in the heart and a kind of venom that stays even after the act is over. A controlling pattern can also involve spiritual pressure when one person's voice is treated as if it were God's voice. Freedom in Christ involves learning to hear God's voice through His Word, through prayer, and through wise counsel, rather than through threats or manipulation.

An elderly family member may become verbally abusive for many reasons, and none of them make the abuse right. Age does not excuse sinful speech. Sometimes long formed habits of anger or harshness grow stronger over time, sometimes there is fear, pride, or a desire to keep control, and sometimes there are health or other struggles that lower restraint. Whatever the cause, abusive words disgrace the one who speaks them, not the one who receives them. You are not to repay insult with insult. As one of the homilies you heard reminds us, to give good words belongs to free people, while abusive speech belongs to those enslaved to sin. That does not mean you must stay and absorb harm. It means you do not need to answer in the same way, and you can seek a better path that does not defile your own conscience.

Threats about rent, taking away privileges, and then allowing someone else to stay without the same requirements and to manage affairs is not just. It creates an unequal and confusing standard and it can be a way to keep you dependent and uncertain. If you are paying rent, keep clear records of what you pay and what is agreed. If possible, have any agreement in writing. Do not argue alone behind closed doors when threats are made. Bring a mature, neutral third person with you, such as a pastor, a trusted counselor, or another wise family member, so that conversations are witnessed and calmer. If you ever feel unsafe because of threats, seek help right away from a pastor, a counselor, or local help services.

About driving and the question of capability, one person's opinion, even a family member's, should not be the final word. Others who know you say you are capable, so seek an objective assessment. A driving instructor, a licensing office, or a medical professional can give a fair evaluation. That protects you from being defined only by one person's judgment and helps you make decisions based on facts.

It is important to test carefully the idea that the Lord wants you to remain unmarried, childless, and jobless until this family member dies. God does not call adult children to put their whole lives on hold indefinitely at another person's demand. Singleness can be a good gift from God for a season or for a lifetime, and marriage as a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman is also good, but neither is to be imposed on you by a family member's control. Work is also part of God's good design for provision, stewardship, and service to others. The Lord who saves through Jesus Christ alone desires your growth, your holiness, and your ability to provide and to love others, not your stagnation. Any sense of calling should be confirmed through Scripture, through steady prayer, and through the counsel of godly people outside the house, not only through the voice of the one who is threatening you.

As a grown adult, you have responsibility before God to seek wisdom and to steward your life well. Some practical steps to pray about and to discuss with a pastor or counselor are these. First, find one or two trusted people in your church or community who can walk with you regularly and give counsel. Second, make a plan for greater independence where possible, including work, finances, housing options, and transportation, even if it is step by step. Third, set clear and calm boundaries about how you will speak and be spoken to, and what you will and will not agree to regarding money and privileges. Fourth, do not isolate. Keep meeting with believers, keep in the Word, and keep praying for wisdom, for a softened heart in your family member, and for your own protection from bitterness.

You can forgive in your heart and still set limits. Forgiveness releases you from revenge and entrusts justice to God, but it does not require you to live without boundaries or to accept ongoing verbal harm.

I will pray for you, that God will give you clarity to know His will, courage to take wise and peaceful steps, provision for work and housing and daily needs, protection from insult and threat, and healing from the wear that harsh words have caused. May He remind you that your worth is in Christ, that you are called to walk in wisdom and freedom, and that He will guide you as you seek Him with an honest heart and with the help of His people.