Anonymous
Beloved of All
I am sitting here as a young adult wondering where it all went wrong. I had so much love for life at one time, but now I don't know if life is worth living at all.
I feel that when I wake up, I am still dreaming; it's just a nightmare. My mind is so heavy I feel like I am dead, just going round in auto mode. I can't remember the last time I smiled and it was actually genuine.
I don't get out anymore with no friends. Most friends I cut off along the way due to depression.
My exposure to porn started when I was 12, and that and eating were my outlets for any pain I went through in life. My mum eventually died when I was 14, and it crushed me; she was my world, and when I needed her most, she was taken away from me.
I quickly grew up. I made sure I never touched drugs or got into trouble.
But little did I know the real threat was the porn, which I slowly became more and more exposed to.
Now I feel I have let the only person who cares for me down. The person she once knew, the charismatic, happy-go-lucky, intelligent, God-loving son has gone, and I worry I will never get it back.
My social skills have gone out the window, and even though I would do anything for anyone and wouldn't harm a soul, I just feel bad inside.
My confidence as a person is non-existent, and my self-esteem is low. I feel even worse after I confided in some Christian friends who just shunned me.
When I am low, I either eat or turn to porn, which is okay for a bit, but then I feel worse and spend to feel better; it's a vicious circle.
I just want to be happy again and achieve my dreams, but at the moment, I feel I can't go on. I don't know what it is that is keeping me alive.
I don't know if it's hope or something else; I just seem to keep going on. However, I can't keep living like this.
Please pray for my deliverance from masturbation and pornography. I only want to be happy again, to serve God, achieve my dreams, and be put back into the community.
I feel that when I wake up, I am still dreaming; it's just a nightmare. My mind is so heavy I feel like I am dead, just going round in auto mode. I can't remember the last time I smiled and it was actually genuine.
I don't get out anymore with no friends. Most friends I cut off along the way due to depression.
My exposure to porn started when I was 12, and that and eating were my outlets for any pain I went through in life. My mum eventually died when I was 14, and it crushed me; she was my world, and when I needed her most, she was taken away from me.
I quickly grew up. I made sure I never touched drugs or got into trouble.
But little did I know the real threat was the porn, which I slowly became more and more exposed to.
Now I feel I have let the only person who cares for me down. The person she once knew, the charismatic, happy-go-lucky, intelligent, God-loving son has gone, and I worry I will never get it back.
My social skills have gone out the window, and even though I would do anything for anyone and wouldn't harm a soul, I just feel bad inside.
My confidence as a person is non-existent, and my self-esteem is low. I feel even worse after I confided in some Christian friends who just shunned me.
When I am low, I either eat or turn to porn, which is okay for a bit, but then I feel worse and spend to feel better; it's a vicious circle.
I just want to be happy again and achieve my dreams, but at the moment, I feel I can't go on. I don't know what it is that is keeping me alive.
I don't know if it's hope or something else; I just seem to keep going on. However, I can't keep living like this.
Please pray for my deliverance from masturbation and pornography. I only want to be happy again, to serve God, achieve my dreams, and be put back into the community.
