Addendum to rqu.st/5278584

[Anonymous]

I cannot go back to that church since they refused three times to help me. They have five campuses throughout the Denver Metro area, and others in several states and in other countries. They may not share each church's benevolence funds, but surely one of them could help through their main campus. They brag about their work in the metro area but that is all talk. They say all the right things, but they have no true Christian authenticity.
You all tell me to wait on the Lord. I'm sorry, but it's been years and I no longer have time, or money, for patience. My world and myself are imploding and I can't stop it. I am running on panic and desperation, and maybe by DMN (Default Mode Network). It's an emotional and psychological occurrence that develops in childhood when one falls into a seemingly safe mode to survive. As a child I would freeze into a passive, paralyzed trance within to pretend what was happening wasn't really happening. That's when DMN takes over.
I know what this is probably all about. This punishment began eight years ago when I was given the chance to make a move I prayed for. I didn't want to mess things up so I was trying to make all the right decisions, take my time and plan things out. But, all I did was delay everything to the point until it was too late. Now I am stuck here and in this desperate, very uncertain situation now. Everyday I'm trying to brace myself for the final blow. If I get complacent the least bit, I will be rudely blindsided and ruthlessly ambushed. I didn't mean to ruin a possible great blessing, but it seems that's exactly what I did. I have regretted it and prayed about it many times and have asked for forgiveness, but it seems this is irredeemable. There is no penance I can pay. It seems now that the greater blessing I pray for, the greater the sacrifice, but I have nothing left in me.
I have developed digestive issues, abdominal pains, relentless headaches, dizziness (sometimes I have to hold onto to something to keep my balance). I have a nervous shake in my hands and it's embarrassing. My acid reflux, heartburn, and GERD are constant. I take ibuprofen throughout the day and antacids constantly throughout the day, and every night and sometimes during the night. I'm constantly pacing the floor praying, pleading, begging, talking (or arguing) with God.
I can't make rhyme or reason out of anything anymore and just wish God would take me in my sleep.

 

[Articles]

We hear the depth of your pain and desperation and we are lifting you up together before the Lord. You have carried this burden for years and you feel imploding, panicked, exhausted, and even wishing God would take you in your sleep. We want to tell you gently but firmly that your life is precious to God and He has not abandoned you, even when it feels that way. Psalm 34:18 says Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Psalm 61:2 says When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

We also hear your hurt toward that church that refused to help three times. It is painful when those who bear the name of Christ seem to say all the right things but do not show mercy in deed. People and even churches will fail us, but God Himself does not fail. We must guard our hearts against letting bitterness take root, because bitterness will only deepen your despair. Ephesians 4:31-32 says Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. That does not mean what they did was right, and it does not mean you must return to that same congregation, but we encourage you not to give up on gathering with God's people altogether. Hebrews 10:25 urges us not to forsake assembling together. There are faithful, Bible believing churches that do love sacrificially, and we pray God leads you to a true shepherding fellowship where you can be known and cared for, even if this one disappointed you.

You said you are told to wait on the Lord but you have no time or money left for patience, and that you are running on panic and desperation. We understand that waiting feels impossible when your body is in constant distress with digestive issues, abdominal pain, headaches, dizziness, shaking hands, acid reflux and GERD, pacing the floor, pleading and even arguing with God. Philippians 4:6-7 says In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. 1 Peter 5:7 says casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you. Waiting on the Lord in Isaiah 40:31 is not passive paralysis, it is active trusting that those who wait for Yahweh will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run, and not be weary. They will walk, and not faint. God sees your physical suffering and He cares about your body. We lovingly encourage you to seek medical care for these ongoing symptoms and to reach out to a trusted pastor or Christian counselor for support with the trauma responses you described from childhood. The freeze and trance you learned as a child to survive was a way to cope, but God wants to heal you and bring you into safety and peace in Christ. He can renew your mind and calm your nervous system as you learn to rest in Him. Matthew 11:28 says Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest.

You shared that you believe this is punishment for a delayed decision eight years ago, that you missed a blessing you prayed for, that you have regretted it and asked for forgiveness but feel it is irredeemable and that no penance can pay for it. We must lovingly correct this, because this belief is not biblical and it is crushing you. There is no penance you can pay. Jesus Christ already paid it all on the cross. Romans 8:1 says There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. 1 John 1:9 says If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If you have confessed that delay and any sin in it to God, He has forgiven you. God is not holding an irredeemable punishment over you. Lamentations 3:22-23 says It is because of Yahweh's loving kindnesses that we are not consumed, because his compassion doesn't fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Joel 2:25 says I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten. God is able to redeem even years that feel wasted. Your mistake did not disqualify you from His grace. Romans 8:28 says We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

You said you wish God would take you in your sleep. We must address this with great compassion and truth. That desire to die, even passively, is not God's will for you. He created you, He loves you, and He has purpose for your life. Jeremiah 29:11 says For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future. Psalm 118:17 says I will not die, but live, and declare Yah's works. We urge you, if these thoughts grow stronger or you feel unsafe, to immediately reach out to a trusted person, a pastor, a counselor, a medical professional, or a crisis helpline in your area. You do not have to carry this alone and you do not have to be ashamed to ask for help.

We also noticed your prayer refers to God but does not mention Jesus Christ. We say this in love because there is no other way to the Father except through Him. John 14:6 says Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. Acts 4:12 says There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. It is only by the name of Jesus that we have access to God, that our sins are forgiven, and that our prayers are heard. If you have not already, we encourage you to put your complete trust in Jesus Christ, that He died for your sins and rose again, and to call upon His name. Romans 10:9 says that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

We are praying for you now.

Father in heaven, we come before You together in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this dear one who is overwhelmed, panicked, exhausted, and in physical pain. Lord, You see every headache, every dizzy spell, every shaking hand, every night of acid reflux and pacing the floor. We ask for Your healing touch on this body and for wise medical help and relief. Lord, calm this troubled heart and quiet the panic with Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Heal the deep childhood wounds that taught this heart to freeze and hide, and teach this soul to rest safely in Your arms. Father, forgive any sin and wash away all condemnation, for Your Word says there is no condemnation in Christ. Break the lie that this is irredeemable punishment and that penance must be paid, and let Your grace and restoration be known. Where there is bitterness toward that church, bring forgiveness and lead to a faithful, loving fellowship that will reflect Your authenticity. Lift this death wish and breathe hope and a future again, for You are near to the brokenhearted. Help this dear one to wait on You not in desperation but in trust, knowing Your compassions are new every morning. We ask that You provide for every financial and practical need according to Your riches in glory, and that You make a way where there seems to be no way. Draw this heart fully to Jesus, the only way to You, and let Your will be done in this life for Your glory. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to keep crying out to Jesus honestly, to stay in His Word daily even in small portions, and to let others walk with you. You are not forgotten. Lamentations 3:22-23 reminds us His mercies never end. We are continuing to pray that God will lift this heavy burden, provide for you, heal your body and heart, and show you His redeeming purpose in the days ahead.

 

[hostadmin]

We are so concerned to read that you are wishing God would take you in your sleep and feeling like you are imploding. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and trained people are ready to help right now. We also urge you to reach out today to someone you trust in your life.

We hear how heavy this has been, years of waiting and praying, feeling panicked and desperate, and hurt after being turned away three times by that church. It makes sense you would feel exhausted and on edge, pacing and pleading with God, and carrying deep regret about a decision eight years ago that you now see as irredeemable. We want you to know we do not see you as beyond grace. Forgiveness is not something you have to earn with penance when you have nothing left to give.

You mentioned ongoing digestive pain, headaches, dizziness where you need to hold on for balance, shaking hands, and constant reflux while taking ibuprofen and antacids through the day and night. Please see a medical professional promptly for those symptoms, alongside prayer and not instead of it, so you can be checked and cared for safely. It would also help to share how you are feeling emotionally with a doctor, counselor, or trusted pastor in your area, so you do not carry this alone.

Father, we lift our friend to You in Jesus name. You see their weariness, pain, and fear of being blindsided. Hold them close tonight, give them safety, rest, and clear next steps, and guide them to caring help. Lead them in Your mercy and remind them they are still Yours. Amen.

 

[EnricoLange]

Lord Jesus please richly bless, protect, heal and guide them. Please help them in accordance with your perfect will Father. Thank you and praise you. In your holy name I pray. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

Your letter has been read with much care and sorrow, and the weight you describe is not overlooked. To be refused help when in need, to feel abandoned by those who speak of Christian love, to carry years of waiting that has turned into panic and desperation, to live with daily pain in body and trembling in hands, pacing and pleading through the night, this is a heavy affliction indeed. And to carry besides the thought that a past delay has made you irredeemable, and to wish that God would take you in your sleep, reveals how deeply you are pressed down.

Hear first what the Word of God says concerning the thought that your sin or delay has placed you beyond hope. You write that it seems there is no penance you can pay and that your case is irredeemable. That word does not belong to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Scripture says, I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions. It is a divine forgiveness. If all men refused you, yet God Himself can forgive. It is a surprising forgiveness, so surprising that the Lord repeats, I, even I, as if to remove all doubt. And it is a complete forgiveness. Suppose you call on your creditor and say, I have nothing to pay with. The Lord proclaims oblivion to all your debt to every sinner who will put trust in Christ. It is not a forgiveness up to a certain point or up to a certain date, but with no abridging or qualifying words whatever.

There is forgiveness. That is the whisper that must drive away despair. The psalmist does not say there is forgiveness for this sin or for that, but there is forgiveness. Where God draws no limit, do not you draw any. And that forgiveness is not to be earned by penance, nor is it to be waited for until you have suffered enough. There is forgiveness now, at this moment, for the chief of sinners, through Jesus Christ alone. He not only forgave at the first, but He continues daily to forgive, and the forgiveness which He gives for Christ's sake is an eternal forgiveness. The gifts and calling of God are without repentance. He never plays fast and loose with men. If you tremble and shake for fear, and with a penitent heart desire forgiveness, however sinful your life may have been up until now, there is forgiveness with God even for you, because Jesus died, the Just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God.

You speak of waiting on the Lord for years and having nothing left, of running on panic and of that childhood freezing into a passive trance, and of bracing every day for a final blow. It is no small thing to live in such a state of alarm, and it is not surprising that your body bears witness with digestive pain, headaches, dizziness, reflux and constant unrest. These sufferings are real and deserve care. I urge you, as you seek the Lord, to also seek help for your body and mind from a trusted physician and from a faithful pastor or counselor who can walk with you steadily. To pace the floor praying and pleading is not wrong, but you need also the help of those who can sit with you, listen, and help bear the burden. If you find yourself wishing for death in sleep, please do not remain alone with those thoughts. Turn at once to someone you trust, a pastor, a family member, a counselor, or a medical provider, and tell them plainly how you are suffering, so that you are not left to face the night by yourself.

You are not being punished in a way that makes you irredeemable. Many are brought low with labor and fall with none to help, not because forgiveness is withheld, but because the Lord would have them see that forgiveness is to be obtained from Him alone, through His Son. The delay you regret eight years ago, the opportunity you feel you ruined, is not beyond the reach of His mercy. You have prayed and asked forgiveness many times. Believe the promise rather than the fear. Do as one in dark distress was once told, do you not say, I believe in the forgiveness of sins? Now believe in the forgiveness of sins for yourself. Where the offense went, from that very place the forgiveness comes. There is forgiveness with Him.

Concerning the church that refused you, it is right to feel the wound. Yet do not let the failure of men become your measure of God's authenticity. Men may be shaken and found wanting, but the Lord is not like them. Seek a faithful congregation where the Word is preached and where mutual forgiveness is practiced, for it is a joint work of forgiving one another even as Christ forgave you. You need not return to where you were hurt to find the help of God's people elsewhere.

May the Lord give you to hear this full, distinct, unquestionable assurance today, there is forgiveness, there was forgiveness, there will be forgiveness as long as life lasts, and it is to be found with Him. Look to Christ alone for salvation, trust Him now, and ask Him to be your peace in place of panic, your rest in place of that frozen watchfulness, and your healer of soul and body. He does not forgive and afterwards accuse. His forgiveness is perfect and divine.

I pray for you that you will know this forgiveness as your own, that you will find relief for your body through proper care, that you will be surrounded by faithful help, and that the Lord will lift the despair that now hangs over you and give you hope to live day by day in His keeping.

 

[usha rani]

Praying for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Jonathan_M]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

Healed Spirit Soul And Body

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