N
nuptial -bound
Guest
lord, i'm thankful for all i have, but i'm still poor, single+lonely, can't afford a therapist but need it. i work hard+i struggle to make do w/less than most pple. i have no car, dwindling work opps lately+lost a relshp i prayed so hard for! it took me yrs to meet him. am i being punished? i have been resentful of those who have so much-husband, family, good memories to sustain them during hard times, forgive me? why am i always the one w/out a date @weddings, every sat nite+the only one in my family who cares for my sick mom? she can be mean+soo demanding-i'm exhausted, feel my countless pryrs are anathema or vile to god? i am truly weary+feel disembowled emotionally, physically. i suffered panic attacks when my older broth used to beat me+i finally recovered from head trauma from being bludgeoned to a pulp like a seal w/his fists while my mom+ i supported him financially. will life, dare i hope to ever have my own family or is that only for super lucky pple? of which eludes me, has been out of reach for me. i wither+am slowly dying w/out hope inside each day. make rivers of my desert?
