Anonymous
Beloved of All
Why is it that everyone references the fact that Jesus, and Paul were single and content, whenever they're trying to make me feel better about single life. I want a help-mate. I want a beautiful loving bride to share life's journey with. But every time I open up to people about this they don't listen, but they always have the answer. I just have to say that the lack of support in this matter makes me wonder if Baptists really care about people as much as they say they do. I honestly am wondering why fellow Christians run my dreams of getting married in the ground. I hear all the time "Well maybe you're just meant to be single." "Singleness is a gift." "Stop being so selfish." "Paul was single." I don't care what Paul was. I'm not Paul. I'm me. I'm wired differently, I desire marriage, intimacy with my helpmate. Yet I'm called people don't take time to look at it from my standpoint. Maybe I'm not the one being selfish. Maybe I am seeking God but I can't find him because every person I talk to, who claims to be a "Christian", is too busy telling me how they see it, and how wrong I am for not thinking like they do. I can't find God because the people who are supposed to be Christians don't want to show me God. I don't see Jesus in people who say I'm selfish, just because they are content and I'm not. I shut down immediately when someone says I'm being selfish, because the message they just sent me, is, "don't bring your problems anywhere near me, I'm too good for that. And I don't care about you, or your problems." As if they're above me somehow, and they don't want to be around a Christian that's going through a spiritual struggle or is not happy all the time. I feel like some "Christians" just have this attitude that just because they saved and have Christ that they should be happy all the time, and if you're sad or going through depression that the spirit is not with you or you're being selfish, or fill in the blank. I don't confide in anyone about my desires for a wife, and my fears of not finding her anymore because it usually ends with them jumping to a conclusion and saying hurtful things to me. People don't care about me. I know, it's hard to put up with someone like me, who never seems to be happy or has depression issues. I try not to be negative. But it does not help when people say negative things to me, like "you're just being selfish," "you need to think about other people besides yourself," "Maybe you're just supposed to be single." Some of these statements are true. I do need to think about other people, I do need to try and be less selfish. But when I'm already run down the last thing I need is for someone to beat me down even more and then make me feel guilty for asking for help and support. Would you tell someone who's just lost a loved one to "just snap out of it, you're being selfish, you need to stop grieving over your loved one because it could be worse." I would sure hope not. Now I know that's a bit of an exaggeration, but from that person's point of view nothing can make it worse. My point to all this is put yourself in someone else's shoes, look at it from their perspective. If you were in their shoes how would you feel. I feel like I am a loser, that every woman who sees me thinks I'm ugly. I fear not finding my helpmate, and I am very, very lonely. I desire physical touch that only my wife can give me. But I get rejected or stood up by every girl I ask on a date. I get false phone numbers, mean looks, have had girls say eww, and that I was ugly right in front of me. And because of all that I get myself to sleep at night, I don't like to go out, I am depressed all the time, and have no confidence in my ability to get dates or court women. To have someone tell me that I'm meant to be single, after I have kept myself a virgin, and written letters to my future wife is very discouraging. I came really close to those letters because of that. I already have enough negativity that I pile on myself because I feel less than confident in my abilities to find a helpmate. I don't need people adding to it by putting me down or whatever. Just pray that I meet a special lady friend that will see past the surface and see the potential in me, love me for me, and not try to change me or fix me. Pray for someone to understand me, and see the world the way I see it, or at least understand it. I have autism, which makes it very difficult for me to pick up on hints and social cues. I get easily flustered by too much stimulation, and I sometimes overreact, or get too hyped up about things. I need someone who can see past those flaws, because while I can control these to a certain extent, I still have had days. I need someone who understands that. I hope my helpmate is high-functioning autistic as well, and understands it. Because most people freak out when they learn that I'm autistic. They tend to stop talking to me or ignore me. Please I pray that my bride shares and interests in video games, hunting, fishing, shooting, movies, cosplay, swimming, the beach, but most importantly, church and worshiping God. I long for us to sit together in church, and to pray, and study the Bible together. I want my first kiss to be with her. God I literally the only one who can get me a wife because I can't. I'm too shy. Please pray that I meet this woman soon. I want to be her Link, and her be my Zelda. I want to wake up in the morning and see her beautiful face. I want to cuddle with her, and look into her eyes. Please pray for this in Jesus name, Amen.
