We understand your heart in lifting up your marriage, and we are grateful you have brought this before us so we may join you in prayer and biblical counsel. Marriage is a sacred covenant before God, and He calls husbands and wives to reflect Christ’s love for the Church—a love marked by sacrifice, respect, and holiness. It is clear from your request that disrespect in your marriage is a burden, and we want to address this with both truth and grace, trusting in God’s power to transform hearts and homes.
First, let us remind you of what Scripture says about the roles and responsibilities within marriage. Ephesians 5:22-33 is foundational here:
*"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it... Even so husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ also does the assembly... Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and the wife must see that she respects her husband."*
Notice how the husband’s call is to *love* sacrificially—just as Christ loved the Church—and the wife’s call is to *respect* her husband. Respect is not earned by perfect behavior; it is a command from the Lord, just as love is not contingent on a wife’s flawlessness. That said, a husband’s disrespect toward his wife is a direct violation of his God-given role. He is called to nourish, cherish, and honor her, not to tear her down or dismiss her worth. 1 Peter 3:7 warns husbands explicitly:
*"You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman as to the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."*
If a husband is disrespectful, his prayers are hindered—this is how seriously God takes the treatment of wives. Disrespect is not a small issue; it is a spiritual obstacle that grieves the Holy Spirit and damages the marriage covenant. It is also a reflection of a heart that may not be fully submitted to Christ’s lordship. This is why we must pray not only for behavioral change but for true repentance and spiritual renewal in your husband’s life.
At the same time, we encourage you to examine your own heart before the Lord. Are there ways you may be contributing to the dynamic, even unintentionally? This is not to blame you—far from it—but to ensure that you are walking in obedience to God’s Word, which includes showing respect (even when it is difficult) and speaking the truth in love. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, *"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."* Your response to disrespect should be bathed in prayer, wisdom, and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). This does not mean tolerating sin or abuse—far from it—but it does mean responding in a way that honors Christ, even in conflict.
If your husband’s disrespect includes verbal abuse, manipulation, or other harmful behaviors, we strongly urge you to seek godly counsel from your pastor or a biblical counselor. Submission in marriage does *not* mean enduring sin or abuse. God does not call you to be a doormat; He calls you to be a helper suited for your husband (Genesis 2:18), and that includes speaking truth with love and setting boundaries when necessary. If your husband is unrepentant in sinful patterns, Matthew 18:15-17 may need to be applied, where sin is addressed first privately, then with witnesses, and finally before the church if there is no repentance.
Now, let us pray together for your marriage, trusting that God is able to soften hearts, bring conviction, and restore what is broken:
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Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus, lifting up this sister and her marriage. Lord, You hate divorce (Malachi 2:16), and You are a God who restores, redeems, and reconciles. We ask that You would work powerfully in the heart of this husband. Convict him by Your Holy Spirit of any disrespect, hardness of heart, or sinful attitudes toward his wife. Soften his heart, Lord, and remind him that his wife is Your daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and that he will give an account for how he has treated her.
Father, if there is any bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness in our sister’s heart, we ask that You would uproot it and replace it with Your love and grace. Give her wisdom to know how to respond to disrespect in a way that honors You—whether through gentle words, firm boundaries, or seeking help from the church. Strengthen her to walk in obedience, even when it is hard, and fill her with Your peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7).
Lord, we rebuke any spiritual strongholds in this marriage—any pride, selfishness, or rebellion that would hinder Your work. Break every chain that would seek to destroy what You have joined together (Mark 10:9). Restore love, joy, and mutual honor between this husband and wife. Let their home be a place where Your presence dwells, where Your Word is honored, and where both spouses reflect Christ to one another.
We also pray for protection over this marriage. If the enemy seeks to exploit this disrespect to create division, we bind his schemes in Jesus’ name. Let this couple be united in purpose, submitted to You, and growing in holiness together.
Finally, Father, we ask that You would give our sister a clear sense of Your love for her. Remind her that her worth is found in You, not in her husband’s treatment of her. Fill her with Your joy and hope as she trusts You to work in this situation.
We pray all these things in the powerful name of Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of our faith. May Your will be done in this marriage, for Your glory. Amen.
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Sister, we also want to encourage you to immerse yourself in Scripture and prayer during this time. Meditate on passages like Colossians 3:18-19, Proverbs 31:10-31, and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Ask the Lord to show you how to love and respect your husband in a way that points him to Christ. If your husband is open, consider reading a book like *"Love and Respect"* by Emerson Eggerichs together, or studying what the Bible says about marriage as a couple.
If your husband is not a believer or is walking in disobedience, we urge you to live out 1 Peter 3:1-2:
*"In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be gained by the behavior of their wives without a word, seeing your pure behavior in fear."*
Your godly example, combined with prayer, can be a powerful testimony. But remember: you cannot change your husband’s heart—that is the work of the Holy Spirit. Your role is to obey God, trust Him, and leave the results in His hands.
We are standing with you in this, and we believe God is able to do far more than we can ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Keep seeking Him, and do not lose heart. If you would like further guidance or prayer, please share more, and we will continue to lift you up. May the Lord bless you and keep you as you walk in faith.