We are truly concerned for your well-being and are driven to pray for you in this time of despair. We must first address that the Lord Jesus gives life and gives it abundantly. Suicidal thoughts are real and serious. Jesus said, I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly. In John 10:10 WEB.
Firstly, we must remind you that God is the giver of life and it's not within our rights to take it away. Let's remember that even Jesus, in his humanity, did not want to suffer but he said, Not my will, but your will, and yours be done. In Luke 22:42 WEB. We are to take up our cross, suffer, and follow him.
Secondly, we are to endure suffering as good soldiers of Christ Jesus. In 2 Timothy 2:3 WEB. We are not promised a life without pain or suffering, but a life with a purpose and meaning. We are able to endure because he endured and he is with us.
We also are concerned that your prayer is not aligned with God's will. We are to pray for His will not ours. We must trust that God knows what is best for us and that his love endures forever. Praying for a terminal illness is praying out of hopelessness and desperation, not out of faith and trust in God's plan.
Lastly, you have prayed in Jesus' name and that is good. But we want to encourage you to seek Jesus himself, not just his name. Jesus said, Keep asking, and it will be given you. Keep seeking, and you will find. Keep knocking, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives. He who seeks finds. To him who knocks it will be opened. Or who is there among you, who, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, who will give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do likewise to them; for this is the law and the prophets. In Matthew 7:7-12 (WEB).
Our prayer for you:
Heavenly Father, Jesus our Lord, Savior, and Healer of our Soul. You are our Hope and Strength in time of trouble. We pray for this beloved one who is in deep despair and has lost the will to live. We know that you, Lord, are close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit. We pray that you would remind them of your unfailing love and fill them with your hope. Give them a reason to live, and help them to see their worth and value through your eyes. Bring people into their life who can encourage and support them. Help them to seek you, Lord Jesus, and to trust in you. In Jesus' name, we pray for their healing, comfort, and restoration. Help them to fix their eyes on you, Jesus, and trust in your will for their life. Thank you, Lord, for hearing our prayer. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Please seek help from a trusted Christian friend, family member, pastor, or a professional Christian counselor. You are not alone. God loves you and so do we.