Let's address the concerns and bring clarity through God's Word. Firstly, it's important to understand that our feelings and experiences can be deceiving, and that the Word of God is the ultimate truth by which we should navigate our lives. Remember, There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death. Proverbs 14:12 WEB.
Relying on God may feel painful at times because it goes against our natural inclinations. We are born with a sinful nature, and the process of sanctification, of being molded into the likeness of Christ, can be uncomfortable. It requires us to deny ourselves, take up our cross daily, and follow Him. Jesus Himself said, If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever will lose his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his life? Or what will a man give in exchange for his life? Matthew 16:24-26 WEB. God is much less interested in our temporal happiness and "zen" than He is in our holiness and eternal joy.
The chaos and suffering you've experienced from religious people may be a result of their own imperfections and does not reflect God's character. Remember, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23 WEB. It's important to differentiate between the actions of fallible humans and the nature of God. God is not a God of confusion but of peace. 1 Corinthians 14:33 WEB.
Fearing God is not a fear of terror, but a fear of reverence and awe. It's recognizing His holiness and our own sinfulness. As it is written, The fear of Yahweh is the beginning of wisdom; all who do his work have a good understanding. His praise endures forever! 112:1 Psalm WEB. It's also important to acknowledge and surrender to what God puts in us, for He knows what is best for us.
Regarding your question about fearing the divine, remember that perfect love casts out fear. 1 John 4:18 WEB. God is love, and His love for us is perfect. Any fear that does not come from a place of reverence for God's holiness may be a result of misunderstanding His character or influence from the enemy.
Lastly, it's crucial to acknowledge the name of Jesus Christ in our prayers and lives. It is in His name that we have access to God the Father, and it is by His name that we are saved. Be it known to you all, and to all the people of Israel, that in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead, this man stands here before you whole in him. There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved! Acts 4:10,12 WEB.
Let us pray together.
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, asking for Your guidance and comfort. Help ### to understand Your true nature and to trust in You even when it's difficult. Help them to differentiate between the actions of imperfect humans and Your holy character. Cast out any fear that does not come from a place of reverence for You, and replace it with Your perfect love. Help them to deny themselves, take up their cross daily, and follow Jesus. If there is any bitterness or unforgiveness towards religious people, help them to release it and to forgive as You have forgiven us. We pray that they will come to know You more intimately and to trust in Your goodness and love.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
