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Before I began speaking up about sex in marriage, I looked to see what resources were already out there. It was over 15 years ago that I hunted for books on the subject and came across four or five. Some of that content involved stereotypical assumptions and/or weren’t all that practical.
After I launched my website in December 2010, I discovered several others blogging on the topic—some of whom would go on to publish books. Now and then, another author would enter the arena with a book on sex, and then the speed of publications increased. Book after book after book about marital sex came out, and also social media content, podcasts, and online courses.
These days, we don’t lack for resources written by Christians that address sex in marriage. Why such a shift in such a short time?
When my grandparents, my parents, and I grew up, sex simply wasn’t an open topic like it is in today’s culture. We had written and unwritten rules about what could be talked about publicly, aired on radio or TV, and shared in magazines or publications.
I’m not saying no one talked about sex. Of course they did! But there was scant sex education, sex-related statements or lyrics were often metaphoric, and most adults were hesitant at best to talk about sex with others.
Now, people are largely comfortable talking about everything from bodies, to masturbation, to sex toys, to fantasies and experiences. Often shared with words once considered profane or at least crass.
Given that the whole culture has shifted, it’s no wonder that Christians are also more comfortable talking about sex. Even if we speak more responsibly about it, it’s not that big a deal anymore to discuss it.
The Church always has messages it needs to correct. There’s never been one era for which we could say, “They did Christianity right all the way around.” Just read the New Testament letters (aka epistles), and you’ll see how quickly and easily churches can mess up.
But in the area of sexuality, churches have failed a lot of people. Some grew up with silence so oppressive, they had no place to turn when they experienced trauma, betrayal, or simply confusion. Others soaked in the messages of Purity Culture, which often overemphasized abstinence to the point of missing redemption and preached a sexual prosperity gospel for those who waited until marriage. And then, there are the numerous sexual scandals in which we learned not only that there were predators among us, but that many of them had been protected and enabled by supposed spiritual leaders.
While the Christian resources out there didn’t promote sexual abuse, they often didn’t address it. They also didn’t address other situations spouses struggled with, such as sexual pain, pornography use, recovering from trauma, and higher desire wives and lower desire husbands.
Some messengers didn’t care that much about godly sexuality, but others did the best with what they knew and still got things wrong. We needed to take a fresh look at God’s design for sexuality and create resources that helped people navigate their challenges in a more informed, compassionate way.
As a young person, what I learned about sex from Christians mostly came from my parents, my church, and my youth group. Once I was an adult, the Church actually talked less about sex, despite the expectations that we marrieds were having it.
But now, we have many ways to get the message across! No longer must we wait for the pastor to deliver an awkward sermon about God’s plan for sex or that one class in our church’s marriage course that mentions prioritizing “intimacy.”
In addition to books, we have websites, social media, search engines, and even AI (for those using it). We have videos on YouTube, podcasts on players, apps on our phone, and reels on Instagram and TikTok. I’ve participated in webinars, online conferences, and live Q&As.
With so many options, people with different teaching and learning styles can find a medium that works for them. Christians can, and should, make use of various tools to share the good news about Christ . . . and the good news about God’s plan for our sexuality.
Let’s be honest: many people will spend money in the pursuit of better sex. That can be a twisted thing, but it can be a good thing. For instance, when you buy my books! ~smile~ Actually, my point here is that Christian authors, businesses, and entrepreneurs figured out that this was an area ripe for sales.
Christian publishers that wouldn’t have touched a book with the word “vagina” in it twenty years ago are now happy to turn out several books on sex each year, because they expect to make money on them. Oh, and help people. I’m not saying they don’t want to help people, but they’re also trying to pay staff and turn profits.
Authors who previously wrote about marriage in general decided to jump on this train and put out a book on sex. Again, they likely did so to help people as well, but writing a book isn’t easy, so it’s motivating to know you can find an audience for it.
And plenty of others jumped into this space, believing that they could offer not only wisdom but get paid something for it. And they should get paid for their labor. As Jesus Christ himself cited, “the worker deserves his wages” (Luke 10:7).
Mind you, not everyone who has worked in this space has made a living. For instance, me. But that’s a story for another day. The story I’m sharing here is that there’s greater supply because there’s greater demand. As long as people are willing to pay for Christian sex resources, we’ll continue to get Christian sex resources.
God redeemed my sex life. But I didn’t share my story widely for a long time. As I said on my blog: “While some people’s faith testimonies are easily proclaimed in public, my biggest witness is not. How do I admit in the middle of a Bible class that my Amazing Grace moment should be sung ‘that saved a wench like me’?”
I had good reason to believe that judgment and shame would be heaped upon me for past sins. I’d witnessed it happen to others and experienced it a bit myself. But an odd thing happened when I finally decided to step out and talk about it: Far more people thanked me for my candor than disparaged me for it. Yes, there were detractors, but most people were thirsty for openness and insight about sex.
Moreover, once a few people started talking about this topic—I definitely wasn’t alone in this!—more people felt free to share. And more and more and more.
We discovered and demonstrated that our testimonies matter. For God’s glory, for ourselves, and for others. As Psalm 66:16 says: “Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.” As we share our stories, we can “comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).
For many of us, it’s not about being pro-sex as much as being pro-God. We wanted to highlight sex not for its own sake but so that more couples can experience the healing God can provide, the bonding that couples in Christ can have, and those glimpses of intimacy that God longs to have with us.
If you can help out my research project with Regent University, please complete our 20-minute survey!
Take the 20-minute Survey
The post What’s Behind the Boom in Christian Sex Resources? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.
Continue reading...
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Before I began speaking up about sex in marriage, I looked to see what resources were already out there. It was over 15 years ago that I hunted for books on the subject and came across four or five. Some of that content involved stereotypical assumptions and/or weren’t all that practical.
After I launched my website in December 2010, I discovered several others blogging on the topic—some of whom would go on to publish books. Now and then, another author would enter the arena with a book on sex, and then the speed of publications increased. Book after book after book about marital sex came out, and also social media content, podcasts, and online courses.
These days, we don’t lack for resources written by Christians that address sex in marriage. Why such a shift in such a short time?
We’re more comfortable talking about sex.
When my grandparents, my parents, and I grew up, sex simply wasn’t an open topic like it is in today’s culture. We had written and unwritten rules about what could be talked about publicly, aired on radio or TV, and shared in magazines or publications.
I’m not saying no one talked about sex. Of course they did! But there was scant sex education, sex-related statements or lyrics were often metaphoric, and most adults were hesitant at best to talk about sex with others.
Now, people are largely comfortable talking about everything from bodies, to masturbation, to sex toys, to fantasies and experiences. Often shared with words once considered profane or at least crass.
Given that the whole culture has shifted, it’s no wonder that Christians are also more comfortable talking about sex. Even if we speak more responsibly about it, it’s not that big a deal anymore to discuss it.
We had a lot we needed to correct.
The Church always has messages it needs to correct. There’s never been one era for which we could say, “They did Christianity right all the way around.” Just read the New Testament letters (aka epistles), and you’ll see how quickly and easily churches can mess up.
But in the area of sexuality, churches have failed a lot of people. Some grew up with silence so oppressive, they had no place to turn when they experienced trauma, betrayal, or simply confusion. Others soaked in the messages of Purity Culture, which often overemphasized abstinence to the point of missing redemption and preached a sexual prosperity gospel for those who waited until marriage. And then, there are the numerous sexual scandals in which we learned not only that there were predators among us, but that many of them had been protected and enabled by supposed spiritual leaders.
While the Christian resources out there didn’t promote sexual abuse, they often didn’t address it. They also didn’t address other situations spouses struggled with, such as sexual pain, pornography use, recovering from trauma, and higher desire wives and lower desire husbands.
Some messengers didn’t care that much about godly sexuality, but others did the best with what they knew and still got things wrong. We needed to take a fresh look at God’s design for sexuality and create resources that helped people navigate their challenges in a more informed, compassionate way.
We have more ways to communicate.
As a young person, what I learned about sex from Christians mostly came from my parents, my church, and my youth group. Once I was an adult, the Church actually talked less about sex, despite the expectations that we marrieds were having it.
But now, we have many ways to get the message across! No longer must we wait for the pastor to deliver an awkward sermon about God’s plan for sex or that one class in our church’s marriage course that mentions prioritizing “intimacy.”
In addition to books, we have websites, social media, search engines, and even AI (for those using it). We have videos on YouTube, podcasts on players, apps on our phone, and reels on Instagram and TikTok. I’ve participated in webinars, online conferences, and live Q&As.
With so many options, people with different teaching and learning styles can find a medium that works for them. Christians can, and should, make use of various tools to share the good news about Christ . . . and the good news about God’s plan for our sexuality.
We realized that sex sells.
Let’s be honest: many people will spend money in the pursuit of better sex. That can be a twisted thing, but it can be a good thing. For instance, when you buy my books! ~smile~ Actually, my point here is that Christian authors, businesses, and entrepreneurs figured out that this was an area ripe for sales.
Christian publishers that wouldn’t have touched a book with the word “vagina” in it twenty years ago are now happy to turn out several books on sex each year, because they expect to make money on them. Oh, and help people. I’m not saying they don’t want to help people, but they’re also trying to pay staff and turn profits.
Authors who previously wrote about marriage in general decided to jump on this train and put out a book on sex. Again, they likely did so to help people as well, but writing a book isn’t easy, so it’s motivating to know you can find an audience for it.
And plenty of others jumped into this space, believing that they could offer not only wisdom but get paid something for it. And they should get paid for their labor. As Jesus Christ himself cited, “the worker deserves his wages” (Luke 10:7).
Mind you, not everyone who has worked in this space has made a living. For instance, me. But that’s a story for another day. The story I’m sharing here is that there’s greater supply because there’s greater demand. As long as people are willing to pay for Christian sex resources, we’ll continue to get Christian sex resources.
We became willing to share our stories.
God redeemed my sex life. But I didn’t share my story widely for a long time. As I said on my blog: “While some people’s faith testimonies are easily proclaimed in public, my biggest witness is not. How do I admit in the middle of a Bible class that my Amazing Grace moment should be sung ‘that saved a wench like me’?”
I had good reason to believe that judgment and shame would be heaped upon me for past sins. I’d witnessed it happen to others and experienced it a bit myself. But an odd thing happened when I finally decided to step out and talk about it: Far more people thanked me for my candor than disparaged me for it. Yes, there were detractors, but most people were thirsty for openness and insight about sex.
Moreover, once a few people started talking about this topic—I definitely wasn’t alone in this!—more people felt free to share. And more and more and more.
We discovered and demonstrated that our testimonies matter. For God’s glory, for ourselves, and for others. As Psalm 66:16 says: “Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.” As we share our stories, we can “comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).
For many of us, it’s not about being pro-sex as much as being pro-God. We wanted to highlight sex not for its own sake but so that more couples can experience the healing God can provide, the bonding that couples in Christ can have, and those glimpses of intimacy that God longs to have with us.
Quick Reminder to Wives
If you can help out my research project with Regent University, please complete our 20-minute survey!
Take the 20-minute Survey
The post What’s Behind the Boom in Christian Sex Resources? appeared first on Hot, Holy & Humorous.
Continue reading...
```
