🙏 What to Say AND How to Say It, Jn 12:49; Grace to Fast, Isa 58:6-14; Gracious, Comforting Words, Zech 1:13, Comfort, Isa 40:1-2; Tenderly, Hos 2:14

[Nochaeld]

What to Say and How to Say It, Jn 12:49; Grace to Fast, Isa 58:6-14; Gracious Words, Comforting Words, Zech 1:13, Comfort My People, Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, Isa 40:1-2; Speak to Her Heart in The Wilderness, Hosea 2:14...

Father, I'd like what Jesus said to be my prayer, "I don’t speak on My own authority. The Father who sent Me commands me what to say and how to say it," John 12:49 [1]. May I speak truth the right way (in love, humility and kindness) at the right time (when one isn't tired or in the right place to receive it), Prov 25:11, Thank You and you all in Jesus' Name.

I need to know what to say and how to say it, John 12:49. Like apples of gold in settings of silver, so is the right word at the right time, Prov 25:11 I know You will not give up on my wife -- Don’t allow me to give up on the one I love and am ready and willing to forgive... But without confession we can only go so far -- even YOU don't forgive people who don't confess, 1 Jn 1:9, and Your instruction to Peter in Luke is based on someone who CAME to HIM and SAYS, I REPENT -- Luke 17:3-4. So help us live in an understanding way with her, and let her see to it she respects me, but as it's evident there is no fruit for You, let me speak timely words and serve her tenderly, yet not be taken advantage of, but quietly win her over as if I were a woman with an unsaved husband, 1 Peter 3:1-2, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8, 9.

It was while they were ministering to the Lord and fasting -- please help me hunger and thirst for righteousness in these situation, and help others share this burden with me for her, me, our child, the entire situation and all that’s transpired, good, bad and ugly, to be turned for glory, praise and honor, Isa 58:6-7, 8-9, 10-11, 11-12, 13-14.

As the early church said, "fasting and giving lends wings to our prayers." The Truth is the same yesterday, but today and forever, Heb 13:8. Please grant powerful grace and strength within me, grant grace to humble my soul with fasting, to CONTROL THE TONGUE with SAYING TRUTH, sanctifying residual pockets of darkness with light, helping the word become flesh, as John says, John 1:14, to love You AND my NEIGHBOR (how much more my wife and children) with ALL my heart, soul, mind, will, emotions, physical strength and finances -- my thoughts, words, deeds, actions and especially my reactions -- let the word be engrafted as explained by James 1:22-23.

I've been sinned against A LOT by her and her family -- remove any and ALL unforgiveness and forgive me for harboring any -- again I'm still being lied to and nothing's been confessed and repented of... Salvation is still needed, 2 Tim 2:4, repentance isn't optional, 2 Pet 3:9 -- but please help me say TRUTH in LOVE, Eph 4:15, "filled with GRACE and truth, John 1:14.

Place and use the love of Jesus in me to publicly demonstrate true love of the gospel, Gal 3:1. Let me model it and teach it to myself, her, every family member, those near and dear and those far off and beyond to extended family, friends especially any who might consider me an enemy -- let me be a living ambassador Your love to be known and read by all people groups, everywhere, 2 Cor 3:2, “What to say and how to say it,” John 12:49 [1].

Do not take us out of the world, but keep us from the evil one, John 17:15. Sanctify us by the truth; Your Word is truth, John 17:17. Because I LOVE her, let me wash her with the water of the word to be a bride ready for her husband, Eph 5:25-26, 27 -- and if she could help out by reading the word and preparing herself also, Rev 19:7-8, it would be both helpful and fitting (wholly within bounds of Scripture). I'd also like to have a little respect since it's a picture of Christ and the Church Eph 5:32:33 -- hopefully we don't sit around all day, expect Christ to die for us over and over, Heb 10:26, and disrespect him and do the opposite of what he asks us, Matt 7:21, -- hopefully we don't expect him to say "how high" and don't expect to command Him to jump... We are not stronger than He, correct? 1 Cor 10:22.

Keep her, them and us from evil people, 2 Thes 3:2, temptation, Matt 6:13, sin Zeph 3:13 and the evil one, Matt 6:13. Thank you for the angels in advance -- they're real and really do get sent ahead, Heb 13, and thank You in advance for the fact "You like to make their faces change," in Jesus' Name.

[1] “What to say and how to say it,” John 12:49 — Historical Comments: (What to say [εϊπω] and how to say it [λαλήσω] -- [dicam] and [loquar], Latin Vulgate), are supposed to discriminate matter and form, as another commentator says, “My words and their manner and opportunity and tone are all of them the outcome of the Father's ἐντολὴ — command, commandment, regulation, an order that has authority, injunction; a precept, commandment, law, an order, direction, edict, commission, a charge of matters to be proclaimed or received.”

What I should say, and what I should speak —It is clear that our Lord intends a distinction here between “saying” and “speaking.” We have had the same distinction in John 8:43. That which He should say was the matter of the revelation which He made; that which He should speak was rather the method in which He made it. He claims for all the authority and commission of the Father. Every truth uttered by Him, and every work and word by which it was uttered, was ordained by the Father’s will. He was Himself the Word of God. Every tone and accent in which that Word spoke was divine.

Somewhat more strictly the origin of the utterances — He did not create His teaching, ἀλλʼ ὁ πέμψας … λαλήσω, “but the Father who sent Me Himself gave Me commandment what I should say and how I should speak”. The former (what I should say) designates the doctrine according to its contents, the latter (how to speak) the varying manner of its delivery.

The word εἰπεῖν relates to the words as spoken successively; λέγειν refers to the sentiment and connection of the words.

The former relating to the SUBSTANCE, and the latter to the FORM of Jesus' utterances.

See we not that He brings His expressions with an excess of humility, that He may both win them over, and silence those who would look to come after him. This is why He utters words befitting a mere man, that He may help us bridge the severity of the sayings, as being conscious that the words belong not to Him, but The Father, and are thus tailored, even suited to the weakness of the hearers.

ANYWAY please pray the Word becomes Flesh from my Mind to My Lifestyle and Speach, not just what to say, but how to say it… I did this for two days and she called and asked for a loan payment… My counselor advised me against it, not until she comes to Home Group and Church — Pray she doesn’t sell her new engagement ring like the last one I gave her… And her wedding band… We are praying to go up there and entreat her to come back and forsake her radical independance and let me raise my son… Pray for the plan to come togerther and the mission to be successful. I offered to take her out to dinner she said only up by her mom’s. He rules the family, dad scared on another island. Bind the spirit of Jezebel and satan and his demons — we are not ignorant of his devices, 2 Cor 2:11, nor are we wrestling against “mere” flesh and blood, but must stand FIRMLY against his methodia — resist him in the faith, in submission to God and the church, and he will FLEE but we can’t “wish it” or “think it,” we have to say it, "Then Jesus said to him, 'Away with you, Satan! For it is written, "You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve."’” — Thank You in advance, Father, and thank you all in Jesus’ Name

 

[Articles]

We hear your heart, brother, and we stand with you in fervent prayer, lifting up your marriage, your wife, and your family before the throne of grace. You are carrying a heavy burden, and we join you in seeking the Lord’s wisdom, strength, and intervention. Your desire to speak truth in love, to walk in humility, and to honor God in this trial is commendable. Let us first affirm that your longing to see repentance, restoration, and godly fruit in your marriage is aligned with Scripture. The Lord does not delight in the hardening of hearts, nor does He abandon those who seek Him earnestly. But we must also speak plainly about the realities before you, for the Word of God is a sharp sword, dividing even between soul and spirit.

You have rightly identified that confession and repentance are not optional—they are the very foundation of reconciliation with God and with one another. Scripture is clear: *"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9). Yet you have also rightly noted that without repentance, there can be no true restoration. The Lord does not force Himself upon anyone, nor does He bless willful disobedience. Your wife’s refusal to confess, to turn from deception, and to submit to the Lord’s authority in her life is a grave matter. It is not unloving to acknowledge this—it is the most loving thing you can do, for *"faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are profuse"* (Proverbs 27:6).

You have asked for wisdom in *what* to say and *how* to say it, and this is a prayer the Lord delights to answer. Jesus Himself operated under the Father’s authority in every word and tone, and so must we. But let us be clear: the goal of your words must not merely be to "win her over" in the way the world defines winning. Your aim must be to speak the truth in love so that she might be saved, sanctified, and brought into alignment with Christ. This may require hard words at times, but they must always be seasoned with grace. *"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one"* (Colossians 4:6). This means your words must be truthful, but they must also be gentle, patient, and aimed at her soul’s restoration—not her temporary comfort.

You have referenced fasting, and this is a powerful weapon in spiritual warfare. Isaiah 58 is a profound passage on the kind of fasting the Lord honors—not the empty ritual of denying food while harboring bitterness or pride, but the fasting that loosens the bonds of wickedness, that breaks every yoke, and that pours itself out for the hungry and afflicted. Your fasting must be accompanied by a heart that says, *"Lord, I surrender my rights, my anger, my desire for control. I fast not to manipulate You or her, but to humble myself before You and to seek Your face."* And as you fast, remember that the Lord sees your sacrifice and will not despise a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17).

But we must also address a matter that cannot be ignored: your wife’s actions—lying, selling gifts given in love, rejecting your leadership, and refusing to engage with the body of Christ—are not merely personal failings. They are symptoms of a deeper spiritual rebellion. You have rightly identified the spirit of Jezebel at work, and we must not shrink from naming it. This spirit seeks to usurp authority, to manipulate, to resist accountability, and to lead God’s people into idolatry and immorality. It is a spirit that thrives in deception and thrives on division. But we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. Your battle is not ultimately with your wife—it is with the powers of darkness that seek to destroy your marriage, your family, and her soul. *"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places"* (Ephesians 6:12).

This means your prayers must be strategic, your words must be anointed, and your actions must be bathed in wisdom. You have already taken steps to seek godly counsel, and this is critical. Do not walk this path alone. The enemy thrives in isolation, but the Lord moves in the context of His body. We encourage you to continue in accountability with your counselor and church leadership, for *"where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety"* (Proverbs 11:14). Your plan to go to her, to entreat her to return, and to confront the spiritual strongholds in her life must be covered in prayer and undertaken with the full support of the saints.

Yet we must also caution you: do not confuse love with enabling. You have mentioned offering financial assistance, and while generosity is a fruit of the Spirit, it can also become a stumbling block if it props up sin rather than confronts it. The Lord may be calling you to a season of tough love, where you refuse to rescue her from the consequences of her choices so that she might be brought to repentance. *"For whom the Lord loves, He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives"* (Hebrews 12:6). This is not cruelty—it is mercy. The prodigal son did not come to his senses until he was feeding pigs and longing for their food. Sometimes the Lord must bring us to the end of ourselves before we will turn to Him.

And what of your own heart? You have acknowledged that you have been sinned against greatly, and it is right to grieve over that. But we must ask: have you fully released your wife to the Lord? Have you surrendered your desire for vengeance, your longing for her to "get what she deserves"? The Lord calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven, not because the offender deserves it, but because Christ has forgiven us when we did not deserve it. *"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you"* (Ephesians 4:32). This does not mean you ignore sin or pretend it did not happen. It means you release the debt to the Lord and trust Him to be the righteous Judge.

As you seek to speak truth in love, remember that your words will only carry weight if they are backed by a life that reflects Christ. Your wife must see in you a man who is gentle, patient, self-controlled, and full of grace—not a man who is harsh, reactive, or self-righteous. *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave Himself up for it; that He might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the Word"* (Ephesians 5:25-26). Your love for her must mirror Christ’s love for the church: sacrificial, purifying, and unrelenting. But it must also be truthful. You cannot love her well if you are not willing to speak hard truths when necessary.

And what of her salvation? This must be your ultimate prayer. You cannot save her—that is the work of the Holy Spirit. But you can be a vessel through which He moves. Pray that the Lord would open her eyes to the deception she is living under. Pray that He would break her heart over her sin and draw her to repentance. Pray that she would see the emptiness of her rebellion and the beauty of a life surrendered to Christ. And pray that the Lord would give you the words to speak when the time is right—words that cut to the heart, words that bring conviction, words that lead to life.

We also lift up your son in this. The Lord has entrusted him to you, and you must be a godly example to him in this trial. Do not speak evil of his mother in his presence, but do not pretend that her choices are without consequence. Teach him what it means to love God, to honor marriage, and to walk in truth. *"Fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord"* (Ephesians 6:4). Your son needs to see a man who trusts God even when life is hard, who loves his wife even when she is unlovable, and who stands firm in the truth even when it costs him.

Now, let us pray:

Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up our brother and his marriage. Lord, You see the pain, the confusion, and the spiritual battle raging in this home. We ask that You would move in power, breaking every chain of deception, rebellion, and hardness of heart. Father, we pray for our brother’s wife. Soften her heart, Lord. Open her eyes to the truth of her sin and the beauty of Your grace. Bring her to a place of genuine repentance, where she turns from her ways and surrenders fully to You. We rebuke the spirit of Jezebel that seeks to destroy this marriage, and we command it to flee in the name of Jesus. Let no weapon formed against this family prosper, and let every tongue that rises against them in judgment be condemned.

Lord, we ask for wisdom for our brother—wisdom in what to say and how to say it. Give him words that are seasoned with grace and truth, words that cut through deception and bring life. Help him to love his wife as Christ loves the church, with a love that is sacrificial, purifying, and unrelenting. Guard his heart from bitterness, anger, and despair. Fill him with Your peace, Your strength, and Your hope. Let him be a man who walks in humility, who fasts not for his own gain but for Your glory, and who speaks not to win an argument but to win a soul.

Father, we pray for their son. Protect his heart and mind from the confusion and pain of this situation. Let him see Your love and faithfulness through his father’s example. Give our brother the wisdom to raise him in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, even in the midst of this trial.

Lord, we ask that You would bring godly counsel and support around this family. Raise up intercessors who will stand in the gap for them. Give their church leaders wisdom and discernment as they walk alongside them. And Father, we pray for a miracle—a miracle of restoration, of repentance, and of revival in this home. Let Your name be glorified, whether through healing or through the refining fire.

We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, the name that is above every name, the name by which we are saved and through which we have access to You. We declare that no weapon formed against this marriage will prosper, and that every tongue that rises against them in judgment will be condemned. We stand on Your promises, Lord, and we trust You to work all things together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose.

In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

Hi there,

Firstly, I want to commend you for your commitment to seeking God's wisdom and guidance in this challenging situation. It's clear that you're genuinely concerned about your wife's well-being and the health of your marriage, and that's a testament to your love for her.

I want to encourage you to keep praying fervently, as you've been doing. The Lord sees your tears and hears your cries. He's close to you, and He's working things out in His perfect timing. Trust in His faithfulness; He won't let you down.

Now, let's talk about some practical steps you can take:

1. ** you've mentioned that you've been offering financial assistance to your wife. While it's commendable to be generous, it's also important to ensure that this assistance isn't enabling her to continue in her sinful ways. It's crucial to have open and honest conversations about boundaries and consequences. Be willing to say 'no' when necessary, and to support her in finding alternative ways to meet her needs.

2. Communication is key in any relationship. Make sure you're expressing your feelings, needs, and concerns clearly and respectfully. Use "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, instead of saying "You always...", try "I feel... when...". Active listening is also vital. Give her space to express herself, and truly listen to her perspective.

3. It's essential to address the spiritual aspect of this situation. Have you considered fasting and prayer as a couple? This can be a powerful way to seek God's intervention and guidance. It's also an opportunity to model unity and commitment to your wife.

4. Seek professional help if needed. A Christian counselor or a trusted pastor can provide valuable insights and guidance tailored to your unique situation. They can also help you navigate the emotional rollercoaster you might be experiencing.

5. Lastly, remember that you can't control your wife's actions, but you can control your own. Focus on your own heart and behavior. Keep growing in love, patience, and self-control. This doesn't mean you should tolerate unacceptable behavior, but rather that you should strive to respond in a way that honors God and reflects His love.

Keep holding on, brother. The Lord is with you, and He's working things out. Trust in His timing and His plan.

In Jesus' name, I pray for you, your wife, and your family. May God grant you wisdom, strength, and peace in this challenging time.

Blessings,
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[Woulor]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.