WHAT MADE YOU COME HOME?
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:1-6
"Bob, what made you come home?" I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that question. The first time was the Sunday after our remarriage and honeymoon to the Bahamas on a cruise ship for three days. Charlyne and I were in church together. A friend posed that question after hearing what had happened, but today I cannot even recall how I replied. Ask me the same question now, and my answer is ready; "The Holy Spirit of God."
It was Wednesday, July 7, 1987. I lived 100 miles away from my family. We were divorced, and yes, as what usually happens, there was someone else in the picture, and the word "wedding" was being discussed. For some unexplainable reason, except that it was the Holy Spirit, about mid-morning, I got into my car, drove two hours to Charlyne's office, tapped on her window, and asked her to go to lunch with me. I recall that she was out the door in record time. I had called earlier that day and discovered how easy it was to get a marriage license in our county. Once in the car, I asked Charlyne if she would stop praying for me if we got a marriage license. Her answer was yes to the license, but no to the prayers stopping. "I will never stop praying for you," she told me.
You see, I was sensing the same conviction that your prodigal spouse should be sensing if your prayer life and walk with the Lord is as it should be. They may be resisting and you may not even be aware of it happening. It took a long while, crisis after crisis, almost a promise of a plane crash, and even coming face to face with three visible demons in my bedroom, for me to do what the Lord desired. Yes, I had my own "free will" as people are reminding you, but it would take a book to share all the ways God used to bring my free will into alignment with His will for my life.
Shortly after noon, we easily obtained a license, and as promised, I took Charlyne to lunch at the girlfriend's favorite restaurant. (See, your prodigal's antics are right on target!) Sitting across from her, the Holy Spirit whispered, "You made the biggest mistake of your life by leaving her." To God, I must have sounded like Paul on the Damascus Road; "What do I do now?"
The bottom line is that about 90 minutes later a shocked pastor, (the same one who told her the night before court to go ahead with the divorce), remarried us in his office. The church secretary and an associate pastor were witnesses, as were two of our three children, who did not even know why they were being summoned to the church office that summer afternoon. The rest of the afternoon was taken up with a spontaneous reception at the medical office where Charlyne worked, notifying my parents and our oldest son, and yes, I had to make a phone call to that other woman. That night, six-year-old Tommy peered around the corner to see me lying in bed. He smiled and I knew that I had done what was right.
He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair–every good path. Proverbs 2:7-9
I have wondered, if the attack on our family had taken place in recent years, would our marriage ever have been restored? Back then, Charlyne had no email to report my struggles to others. There were no chat rooms where she could spend hour after hour, reading about the messes of others. Charlyne spent her time telling God, not other people, about me and then listening to her Lord speak to her.
She could not read hype on web sites about books promising to show the way to bring me home. About the only books my wife could afford were the Bible and a couple of books about prayer. In truth, she needed only one of these to see me come to my senses: her Bible. The only Charlyne Cares in those days were the short notes of encouragement I would receive from time to time from my wife, showing her unconditional love for me. (Don't you allow anyone to tell you not to contact your spouse, if the Holy Spirit is telling you to do so. Are you listening to man or to God?) On the day when I was responding to God's moving in my life, Charlyne had no time to post an online prayer request. She was prepared for my return, and went directly to God herself, praying for His intervention, not depending on others.
Charlyne and I are brokenhearted over the effect the Internet is having on some who claim they are standing for their marriage, yet putting God second to their computer. Have you spent as much time in the Bible as you have spent on the Internet this past week? Have you prayed as much as you have posted prayer requests? Have you told God as much about what is happening as you have told others? When a crisis comes today, will you run to the keyboard or to the King of Kings?
A while back, an email circulated on the Internet on how you can save yourself if you are suffering cardiac arrest. Not only was the advice to repeatedly cough deeply while pounding your chest bogus, it could have killed anyone actually having a heart attack. There is advice on the Internet regarding marriage restoration that could have the same effect; advice and direction from man could in truth kill your marriage. May you always pray and ask God's wisdom for decisions.
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:10-11
In 1994 or 1995 I wrote an article in our newsletter entitled, "The Internet or Satan's Net?" In those early days of the Internet, we had no intention of having a web site. Several months later, I was regretting having written that piece. Now, many years later, I am not so sure I was wrong. We are constantly hearing from abandoned spouses whose now-prodigal husbands and wives became addicted to Internet pornography or Internet gambling. Men and women are leaving home to be with someone else they met in a chat room, or to become reacquainted with a "first love" they located online.
Standers are also in danger of being harmed by the Internet. Time that should be spent privately with the Lord is given to online prayer rooms. Through email, standers confide in a faceless stranger what they should be telling only to the Lord. Given enough time, "innocent" male-female relationships can turn into something more, regardless of geographical hindrances.
When we were divorced, Charlyne loved me with unconditional love, just as Christ loves each of us. She loved me and forgave me, regardless of what I was doing. The burden was off of her because she left my correction up to God.
Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways… Proverbs 2:12-13
Our goal is not simply for your prodigal mate to walk back in the door, but for them to come to the Lord, and for them to stay at home, breaking off any and all relationships with any other person. If Charlyne had followed some quick-cure plan back in 1987, it is doubtful I would be sitting here today. I question if I would even be alive. Charlyne and I love you and desire God's best for you, a restored marriage, with everyone loving and serving the Lord. That is going to happen when you turn to the Bible and to your Lord, not to the computer, for your help.
"Bob, what made you come home?" The answer is the Holy Spirit, in response to a wife who had allowed Him to become her husband for a season. If a restored marriage is your heart's desire, you need to discover a more powerful Christ, standing on the Promises of God, not on the computer.
May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your request. Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:4-7
By the way, you have just read what made me come home. I also feel led to share what made me stay home. It was my breaking off all contact with the other person. There is no room in a restored marriage for a friendship with that other person. Your prodigal spouse may come home dirty, but one step in getting cleaned up is to sever all ties with that other person. Now pray for that that to happen suddenly!
Have a blessed day,
Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:1-6
"Bob, what made you come home?" I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that question. The first time was the Sunday after our remarriage and honeymoon to the Bahamas on a cruise ship for three days. Charlyne and I were in church together. A friend posed that question after hearing what had happened, but today I cannot even recall how I replied. Ask me the same question now, and my answer is ready; "The Holy Spirit of God."
It was Wednesday, July 7, 1987. I lived 100 miles away from my family. We were divorced, and yes, as what usually happens, there was someone else in the picture, and the word "wedding" was being discussed. For some unexplainable reason, except that it was the Holy Spirit, about mid-morning, I got into my car, drove two hours to Charlyne's office, tapped on her window, and asked her to go to lunch with me. I recall that she was out the door in record time. I had called earlier that day and discovered how easy it was to get a marriage license in our county. Once in the car, I asked Charlyne if she would stop praying for me if we got a marriage license. Her answer was yes to the license, but no to the prayers stopping. "I will never stop praying for you," she told me.
You see, I was sensing the same conviction that your prodigal spouse should be sensing if your prayer life and walk with the Lord is as it should be. They may be resisting and you may not even be aware of it happening. It took a long while, crisis after crisis, almost a promise of a plane crash, and even coming face to face with three visible demons in my bedroom, for me to do what the Lord desired. Yes, I had my own "free will" as people are reminding you, but it would take a book to share all the ways God used to bring my free will into alignment with His will for my life.
Shortly after noon, we easily obtained a license, and as promised, I took Charlyne to lunch at the girlfriend's favorite restaurant. (See, your prodigal's antics are right on target!) Sitting across from her, the Holy Spirit whispered, "You made the biggest mistake of your life by leaving her." To God, I must have sounded like Paul on the Damascus Road; "What do I do now?"
The bottom line is that about 90 minutes later a shocked pastor, (the same one who told her the night before court to go ahead with the divorce), remarried us in his office. The church secretary and an associate pastor were witnesses, as were two of our three children, who did not even know why they were being summoned to the church office that summer afternoon. The rest of the afternoon was taken up with a spontaneous reception at the medical office where Charlyne worked, notifying my parents and our oldest son, and yes, I had to make a phone call to that other woman. That night, six-year-old Tommy peered around the corner to see me lying in bed. He smiled and I knew that I had done what was right.
He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair–every good path. Proverbs 2:7-9
I have wondered, if the attack on our family had taken place in recent years, would our marriage ever have been restored? Back then, Charlyne had no email to report my struggles to others. There were no chat rooms where she could spend hour after hour, reading about the messes of others. Charlyne spent her time telling God, not other people, about me and then listening to her Lord speak to her.
She could not read hype on web sites about books promising to show the way to bring me home. About the only books my wife could afford were the Bible and a couple of books about prayer. In truth, she needed only one of these to see me come to my senses: her Bible. The only Charlyne Cares in those days were the short notes of encouragement I would receive from time to time from my wife, showing her unconditional love for me. (Don't you allow anyone to tell you not to contact your spouse, if the Holy Spirit is telling you to do so. Are you listening to man or to God?) On the day when I was responding to God's moving in my life, Charlyne had no time to post an online prayer request. She was prepared for my return, and went directly to God herself, praying for His intervention, not depending on others.
Charlyne and I are brokenhearted over the effect the Internet is having on some who claim they are standing for their marriage, yet putting God second to their computer. Have you spent as much time in the Bible as you have spent on the Internet this past week? Have you prayed as much as you have posted prayer requests? Have you told God as much about what is happening as you have told others? When a crisis comes today, will you run to the keyboard or to the King of Kings?
A while back, an email circulated on the Internet on how you can save yourself if you are suffering cardiac arrest. Not only was the advice to repeatedly cough deeply while pounding your chest bogus, it could have killed anyone actually having a heart attack. There is advice on the Internet regarding marriage restoration that could have the same effect; advice and direction from man could in truth kill your marriage. May you always pray and ask God's wisdom for decisions.
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:10-11
In 1994 or 1995 I wrote an article in our newsletter entitled, "The Internet or Satan's Net?" In those early days of the Internet, we had no intention of having a web site. Several months later, I was regretting having written that piece. Now, many years later, I am not so sure I was wrong. We are constantly hearing from abandoned spouses whose now-prodigal husbands and wives became addicted to Internet pornography or Internet gambling. Men and women are leaving home to be with someone else they met in a chat room, or to become reacquainted with a "first love" they located online.
Standers are also in danger of being harmed by the Internet. Time that should be spent privately with the Lord is given to online prayer rooms. Through email, standers confide in a faceless stranger what they should be telling only to the Lord. Given enough time, "innocent" male-female relationships can turn into something more, regardless of geographical hindrances.
When we were divorced, Charlyne loved me with unconditional love, just as Christ loves each of us. She loved me and forgave me, regardless of what I was doing. The burden was off of her because she left my correction up to God.
Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways… Proverbs 2:12-13
Our goal is not simply for your prodigal mate to walk back in the door, but for them to come to the Lord, and for them to stay at home, breaking off any and all relationships with any other person. If Charlyne had followed some quick-cure plan back in 1987, it is doubtful I would be sitting here today. I question if I would even be alive. Charlyne and I love you and desire God's best for you, a restored marriage, with everyone loving and serving the Lord. That is going to happen when you turn to the Bible and to your Lord, not to the computer, for your help.
"Bob, what made you come home?" The answer is the Holy Spirit, in response to a wife who had allowed Him to become her husband for a season. If a restored marriage is your heart's desire, you need to discover a more powerful Christ, standing on the Promises of God, not on the computer.
May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed. We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will lift up our banners in the name of our God. May the LORD grant all your request. Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed; he answers him from his holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. Psalm 20:4-7
By the way, you have just read what made me come home. I also feel led to share what made me stay home. It was my breaking off all contact with the other person. There is no room in a restored marriage for a friendship with that other person. Your prodigal spouse may come home dirty, but one step in getting cleaned up is to sever all ties with that other person. Now pray for that that to happen suddenly!
Have a blessed day,
Charlyne Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
