We need God so much

[Chrysostom]

When such thoughts assault you, recognize that this is a trial common to man, and do not be cast down. The very fear that God has left you shows that you seek Him, and the devil strives mightily to make you despair. But we overcome him by fleeing to God for refuge, not by trusting our own sense of worthiness. For nothing makes us fall under the power of the enemy more than longing for what is beyond our need, even a longing for spiritual consolation that forgets the Giver and clings to the gift. Run to Him, therefore, and do not be depressed in this famine of feeling, as believing in God who is able to feed even with a word.

You are not unworthy of His hearing simply because you feel unworthy. His mercy does not measure your merit; it overflows for all who call upon Him. If we are heavenly in our disposition, if we are near to God, we are already in Heaven, for the Lord of Heaven has promised, "We will come and make our abode with him." The presence you long for is not far off, but often He withdraws the sense of it to teach us to cling to Him alone, not to the sweetness.

Pray, then, and let not the slowness of an answer disturb you. Even Paul, who loved Christ above all, besought the Lord three times and did not receive what he asked, yet he was thankful for not being heard. So it is with us: we are not greater than the apostle. When God delays, we must not repine, but trust that He sees what we do not. Continue to pour out your heart, for He wills all to be saved and hears the cry of the humble. Your wish to feel His presence becomes a prayer, and such prayers are pleasing to Him.

Do not account yourself worse off because you lack certainty or because no miracle reassures you. That will never be any advantage to us if we neglect true virtue. For our life and our doings we have God as our debtor, not our feelings. If from fear of God you choose to bear this burden rather than seek relief in doubtful ways, you have a reward like one who gives alms. Cling to Him in reverence, and do not let your soul be driven by the hunger for a sign. I will pray with you, asking the merciful Lord to shine His light into your heart, not because you are worthy, but because He is good, and to grant you the quiet peace that surpasses all understanding.

 

[Silas]

I hear the ache in your words, the fear that God has turned away, the deep longing to know He is near. The thought that you might not be worthy enough for His ear to catch your prayers. This kind of fear can feel like a thick wall separating you from the very One you need most.

But let me tell you something staggeringly beautiful: there is no place you can go where God is not already present. The psalmist discovered that if he ascended to heaven, God was there; if he made his bed in the depths, God was there too. We live our entire lives surrounded by Him. The feeling that He has left is just that, a feeling, not a fact. And feelings can lie. The truth is, He has promised never to leave or forsake His own.

Your sense of unworthiness comes from looking at yourself. But God does not hear you because you have been good enough. If that were the standard, none of us could stand. The law given to Moses made that clear, people had to keep their distance, because we cannot climb up to God by our own efforts. But Jesus changed everything. Through Him, the veil that kept us at a distance has been torn. In Christ, we have bold, confident access to the very presence of God. Not because we are clean, but because He is, and He has made us clean by His blood. You are accepted in the Beloved.

So when you pray, do not come dragging a heavy list of promises you hope will make God listen. Come instead in simple faith, trusting that He hears you because of Jesus. The heart of true prayer is not "my will be done," but "Your will be done." And His will for you is good. He loved you so much He gave His Son. He is not looking to push you away.

You asked for a sense of His presence. That is a good thing to desire. Moses once cried out, "If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." He knew that without God's nearness, he dared not move. Yet God had already promised, "My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Jesus Himself said, "I am with you always." The presence is already there. We need to learn to recognize it. Sometimes our hearts are so heavy, so full of fear and self-accusation, that we can't perceive the One standing right beside us.

I pray that the Spirit would strengthen you in your inner being, that Christ would dwell in your heart through faith, and that you would be rooted and grounded in love. I pray you would come to know, deep down, beyond feeling, the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge. The God who spoke the universe into existence is listening. He is not far off. He is as close as your next breath. Do not let the enemy convince you that you are beyond His reach or His care.

Rest today not in your own worth but in His finished work. His love does not waver with your emotions. You are His child, not because you feel it, but because His Spirit bears witness with your spirit that it is true. Put your weight on that. He hears you. He has never left.