Soafield
Disciple of Prayer
I'm in such a season where I'm devastated in every way. I love Jesus so much and also believe in him. He delivered me from grave situations, preserved my life at my birth so I do not believe he brought us this far to leave us here. He also restored our broken family that I did not even truly believed was possible as it was so broken. God gave us many promises and got us so far but lately I feel as if everything turned worse. It's unbearable. Miraculously even my previously mislead father believes in God for the best of our family. He's shaking too saying he'll leave God if he didn't see that we will be well after a lifetime of pain and struggle I know he don't mean it. But that's why it is so fragile. God redeemed him and brought him this far his life is also a dessert of mistakes, regret and pain. But he also long to see God's hand at work in his life. It's his disappointment and pain that's causing him to speak like that. So his faith is also fragile that's why I keep telling God he has a to come through because so much depend on his loving hand. Not to force his hand but I also long to see all he promised come to pass after enduring so much things by his grace only. The hardest hit came when my father finally did something for us as a father. He went and brought a house. Half our lives we've been praying for that and also when this one house seem to be highlighted. All four of us prayed continually for months for it to disappear if it's not God's will and on the way to buy it also there were so many signs and such things before too I feel all of us saw. But it's so far, a totally new environment and I felt fear mixed with moments of peace from the beginning. But I'm so scared because on our way more than one time we were fighting too because of the tension. How can this problem be the end I know God is bigger than this but I'm scared too. Even now we're unsure but somehow the house is still there. And even on our way to buy the house my father held my hand took courage and went ahead saying God won't give us anything bad and he is able to bring good out of everything. It surprised me and calmed my anxious mind too but now there are issues with the house and we're shaking again. This whole process took incredible faith and nothing else yet when I look at the problems I lose sight and gets scared. But how did we come this far when we didn't even push it. It puzzles me too. I feel we often feel fear mixed with fear. God had too many chances to stop if it wasn't his will that's what I don't understand. I truly don't know though. And I also saw how problems were followed up by solutions. But I'm terrified because all this is totally new for us. This house is a marker of a great shift from all we've known. As It's far we would have to leave everything we know behind. That's what terrifies us. And now God has to come through for us. I mean he has to show his glory and give us beauty for ashes. Only then will his name will be glorified right. I refuse to believe this is the end holding unto the lord desperately. I do not believe he brought us this far and did that many miracles to leave us here. Yet if I do say everything seems to have come to an end yet I'm not anxious enough for what's happening. I believe it's the Lord consoling me yet I feel unsure and scared. Despite all that's going south I still believe in him and I don't panic enough for all that's going on as I have this quiet reassurance or consolation inside of my spirit. God says there is a season for everything our life been a lifetime of weeping so please pray that he'll bring a lifetime of joy to compensate as the Lord is just. Also there this one promise I kept remembering that he gave us. That is he'll raise us from the dead like Lazarus. I still believe there's more for us. Because only he can save us now. The God of new beginnings. Please pray that instead of the end I dread he'll bring resurrection in Jesus name. Amen. P.s: Sorry for the long message my heart has been so heavy with this I wanted to pour everything out.
