To be completely honest, I'm tired of being a Christian, because I'm so sick of feeling like the only way I can get out of my marriage is for my husband to die. I don't want to be married to this horrible guy anymore, he's an emotional abuser who's only getting worse as the years go on. Of course that's no grounds for divorce. I just have to keep praying and praying for things to get better. I don't know. I'm just so frustrated. I can't wait to hear you guys blame me for being a terrible wife. Let's hear it, Christians.
"Jesus said, if any man come after me, let him first deny...why? You were never created for you, you were created for Him and His glory. Anger, pride, frustration, jealousy, bitterness, wrath, malice, unforgiveness is not normal. It's not your created value, it's what we became through the fall. We think it's normal because it's all we've ever known.
My wife was hurting, she renounced her faith because she prayed for me because she knew that if God touched me it would make her life better. In other words a spouse prays for a spouse because the spouse isn't doing so hot and they're hard to live with and they're frustrating a person and they pray to God because they're so aware of what's wrong with their spouse, so for 13 years my wife was saying...you need to change this knucklehead. God you need to do something with him, he's so frustrated, he so angry. I was all that...I am so 180...augh! Come on, I didn't pray some prayer yesterday and I'm on a high. I'm 13 1/2 years in this thing and I'm like this every day without even trying. I've never bit my lip to be a Christian. It was never noontime, and I said, 'oh that's right, I'm saved.'
And my wife said (to God), 'and you! I prayed for him for 13 years and You've done nothing! If you've loved me, you would have changed him by now! How much do you expect me to take?! I can't take anymore! I'm done with him and I'm done with You!' That's what she said; and she was justified because her eyes were on me and my wrong.
It's called 'rightness'. When you see somebody's wrong, it makes you right. And God's 'righteous.' Any man can hold another man accountable for his sin. Anybody can live, 'he said,' 'she said.' When sin against you produces sin in you, you've been deceived cause love covers the multitude of sin. Love is never reproduced by it. When you let sin against you produce sin in you, you've been deceived. When you found the right to have a right you're already off the beaten path of truth. It is so true. So here's a hurting, angry wife that's justified her anger. I go to work and get radically born again. Imagine that. She's sitting in the yard drinking a mixed drink, smoking a joint of marijuana , which she's never done, only cause she's in pain; and she met a girl that said, 'come on, run with me.' My wife, unthinkable, so not her. She's on a lawn chair, saying, 'you know it'd be just like my husband come home and say, 'I found the Lord.' I call her five minutes later, overwhelmed, freaked out and broken by the reality of God, knowing that I lived my whole life apart from him; so aware that I was so selfish, so full of pride, such a hypocrite, so about me, I broke and was undone and I cried out from my heart, "if you're real", cause I didn't know, I was so lost, I didn't even know if God was real. I said, "I believed in Him " but I sure didn't know Him. I stood in my workplace, crying like baby, bawling loud and hard, looking at a bunch of metal rafters. "If You're really real, if you love me and forgive me of all these things and have a plan for my life…' I pointed to the ceiling, I was never so serious in my life, I said, "I will live for you!" and I can't even explain it, He made himself known to my heart. I said, "If You're real, I'm yours!" Boop…'you're real!' times that by a hundred, because I went ballistic at work. Spinning, jumping, freaking out, screaming. I couldn't even hardly bear the God reality that came upon me. Thirty minutes before that, I was sure I hated my wife. I was 33, I was looking in the mirror saying things like, 'you're not the sharpest looking cat on the planet but you're not that bad, you can start over.' So I was talking myself into a new model. Let's try this thing again. The first round didn't work, I've wasted (this is what I was telling myself), I've wasted 13 years of my life with that woman. What a fool! I need to go find something better. I was cheering myself on, that where I was heading, and now He came. I was doing what every other man feels is right cause he justifies it and now He came. Thirty minutes into that experience, I thought of my wife and I can't even explain it, I knew I loved her. For the first time in my life, I loved. Cause God is love and without God you can't love; it's human feeling and emotion, sentiment, it actually has a self serving root."
What you just read was an excerpt from a teaching by Dan Mohler called Becoming Love. You can find it on youtube.
Father, I thank you for this amazing woman whom you love. I ask for your mercy be poured over her and a revelation of your love drop down, just like Dan had. Touch her life and let her be overwhelmed with your goodness for you. In Jesus name. Amen. An in that same encounter, touch her husband so that he can come to the knowledge of the truth and become love. In Jesus name, let hope arise in this woman's heart. Amen.
