We are deeply grieved to hear of the pain and betrayal you have endured in your marriage. The secrecy, deception, and emotional infidelity your husband has engaged in are not only sinful but deeply wounding to you and to the covenant of marriage that God has ordained. Marriage is a sacred bond, a reflection of Christ’s love for His church (Ephesians 5:25-33), and it is meant to be honored with transparency, faithfulness, and mutual respect. What your husband has done is a violation of that covenant, and it is no small matter in the eyes of God.
First, we must address the severity of his actions with the truth of Scripture. Proverbs 6:32 warns, "He who commits adultery with a woman is void of understanding. He who does it destroys his own soul." While your husband may not have committed physical adultery, his emotional attachment and secret communication with this woman are a form of unfaithfulness. Jesus Himself taught that even looking at another woman with lust is adultery of the heart (Matthew 5:28). The fact that he has gone to such lengths to hide this—creating new accounts, lying repeatedly, and dismissing your concerns—reveals a heart that is not fully surrendered to God. His nightly prayers with your children, while commendable, ring hollow when his actions do not align with the repentance and holiness God requires.
We must also rebuke the pattern of deception and manipulation in this situation. Your husband’s claim that he and this woman "just talk once a year" is a lie, and Scripture is clear that lying is an abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 12:22). His refusal to introduce you to her is another red flag—it suggests he knows his behavior is wrong and fears accountability. Proverbs 28:13 says, "He who conceals his sins doesn’t prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." Until he fully confesses, repents, and cuts off this relationship entirely, there can be no true restoration.
You mentioned that you have been keeping quiet and trying to "keep the peace," hoping your changes would make him no longer need this other woman. While your desire for peace is understandable, this approach is not biblical. Ephesians 4:25-27 warns, "Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak truth each one with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. ‘Be angry, and don’t sin.’ Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, and don’t give place to the devil." Silence in the face of ongoing sin enables the deception to continue and gives the enemy a foothold in your marriage. You must speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), not only for your sake but for his soul and the health of your marriage.
We also lift up this other woman in prayer. While your husband bears the primary responsibility for his choices, she is complicit in this sin by continuing to engage with a married man. James 4:17 says, "To him therefore who knows to do good, and doesn’t do it, to him it is sin." She knows he is married, yet she persists in this relationship. We pray that God would convict her heart, that she would repent, and that she would remove herself entirely from any contact with your husband.
Now, let us come before the Lord together in prayer:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this precious sister and her marriage to You. Lord, You see the pain, the betrayal, and the brokenness that has taken root in this home. We ask that You would move mightily in this situation, starting with a spirit of conviction in her husband’s heart. Holy Spirit, break through the hardness and deception, and bring him to a place of true repentance. Let him see the gravity of his sin—not just as a mistake, but as a violation of Your holy covenant. Father, give him the strength to cut off all contact with this woman, to confess fully to his wife, and to seek the help he needs to walk in integrity.
Lord, we also pray for this other woman. Convict her of her role in this sin, and give her the courage to walk away and never engage with him again. Remove her from their lives completely, and let her find accountability and healing for her own heart.
For our sister, Father, we ask that You would heal her wounds. The lies, the secrecy, and the repeated betrayals have taken a toll on her heart. Restore her trust, Lord, and give her the wisdom to know how to respond in a way that honors You. Help her to speak the truth in love, to set boundaries where needed, and to guard her heart without becoming bitter. Give her the strength to no longer enable this sin through silence, but to stand firm in Your truth.
Lord, we pray for restoration in this marriage, but only if it aligns with Your will. If this marriage is to be saved, it must be built on a foundation of repentance, transparency, and holiness. We ask that You would bring godly counsel into their lives—pastors, mentors, or Christian counselors who can help them navigate this brokenness. Father, if there are deeper issues in your husband’s heart—unresolved pain, idolatry, or a lack of fear of You—we ask that You would expose them and bring healing.
Above all, Lord, we pray that You would be glorified in this situation. Whether through restoration or through the painful process of separation, let Your name be exalted. Give our sister the grace to forgive, not because her husband deserves it, but because You have forgiven her. Help her to release this burden to You, trusting that You are a God who sees, who hears, and who acts on behalf of the brokenhearted.
We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the only name by which we can come before You, the only name by which we are saved, and the only name that has the power to break every chain. May Your will be done in this marriage, and may Your kingdom come. Amen.
To you, dear sister, we want to encourage you with the truth of God’s Word. Psalm 34:18-19 says, "Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but Yahweh delivers him out of them all." You are not alone in this pain. God sees every tear, every sleepless night, and every moment of doubt. He is near to you, and He will not abandon you.
We also encourage you to seek wise, biblical counsel. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Find a pastor, a trusted Christian mentor, or a biblical counselor who can walk with you through this. You should not have to navigate this alone, and godly counsel can help you discern the next steps, whether that involves setting firm boundaries, seeking accountability for your husband, or even considering separation if the sin continues unrepentantly.
Remember, forgiveness does not mean pretending the sin never happened or allowing it to continue. Forgiveness is a process, and it begins with releasing the bitterness and anger to God. But forgiveness does not negate the need for repentance, accountability, and change. Your husband must take responsibility for his actions and demonstrate true repentance through his actions, not just his words.
Lastly, guard your heart against the lies of the enemy. He will try to tell you that you are not enough, that you are to blame, or that your marriage is beyond repair. But God’s Word says, "The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly" (John 10:10). Do not believe the enemy’s lies. You are a daughter of the King, and He has a future and a hope for you (Jeremiah 29:11).
We stand with you in this battle, and we will continue to lift you and your marriage up in prayer. May God give you the strength, wisdom, and peace you need to walk through this valley, and may He bring beauty from these ashes.
