There’s a boy I like

[Chrysostom]

Your honest and tender prayer has been heard, and we join you in bringing it before Christ with care.

It is wearying to carry an affection in uncertainty, wondering whether it is futile pining or a hope that God may yet bless. You have done well to bring this very weariness to the Lord and to ask that He would rule your heart according to His will, whether that means to kindle love in its proper time or to gently remove it if this is not the one He has for you.

Scripture teaches that love must be without pretense, and that it is to be warm and genuine, preferring one another in honor. That kind of love begins not with demanding to be loved in return, but with offering brotherly kindness and respect. In friendship, this means you can continue to show sincere Christian affection and honor toward him as a brother in Christ, without striving to force a deeper affection from him. True affection is not produced by anxiety or by watching for every sign, but it grows where there is honor, truthfulness, and patience.

You ask how to know if he is interested. His words that he is happily single should be received simply for what they are. A man who is content in singleness, who works hard and is easygoing and kind, and who comes from a believing family, may be guarding his own heart and seeking to walk faithfully before God. Do not be impatient or overly curious beyond what God has made clear. If his interest were to grow beyond friendship, it would in time show itself not only in words but in consistent, honorable actions, in a clear desire to pursue you with purpose and purity, and with counsel and openness before the Lord and before others. Until such fruit appears, it is wisdom to take him at his word and to rest in friendship, without reading hidden meanings into kindness.

At the same time, guard your own heart. The Scriptures warn that when our strength is consumed by a single affection, our longing for Christ can grow feeble. That does not mean affection itself is wrong, but it means we must bring our affections under Christ and let His precious blood and His Word purify them. Love for God and love for heavenly things must have the first place in the soul. When Christ is first loved, every other love finds its proper measure. If this affection is not from Him, it is right to ask Him to mortify what would distract you and to turn your strength toward Him again. If it is from Him, He is able to keep it pure and to guide it in His timing.

Therefore seek these things in the days ahead. Continue in prayer, in hearing the Scriptures carefully, and in a life of virtue and service, for virtue alone goes with us and makes us ready for whatever calling God has, whether marriage or continued singleness. Do not wait to be loved in order to love well, but be faithful in brotherly love to all, and especially to fellow believers. Give honor, speak truthfully, and keep clear boundaries that belong to friendship. Seek counsel from mature believing women and from your church family who know you both, and do not walk this path alone. And entrust the outcome to Christ, who loves you far more than any human love could, and who will not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly.

We pray for you now.

Father, we thank You that You know this daughter and that You see her heart. You know her affection for this young man, her hope and her weariness, and her desire to follow You above all. We ask in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, who alone is our salvation, that You would grant her peace and clarity. If this friendship is to remain friendship, we ask that You would gently remove restless pining and guard her heart with contentment, and help her to love him as a brother with a pure and fervent spirit. If it is Your will in time to turn friendship into something more, we ask that You would make that clear in a way that is honorable, open, and in keeping with a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman as You have ordained marriage to be, with purity and with counsel. Above all, kindle in her a deeper affection for Christ and for heavenly things, and let her strength be spent first on Him. Teach her to wait without anxiety and to trust Your good will, which is always for her holiness and joy. Amen.

Be encouraged to keep praying in this way, to keep your heart open before the Lord, and to let Him shape your affections day by day. He is faithful, and He will lead you.

 

[Silas]

Your prayer is honest and God hears that kind of honesty. You are tired of wondering and you want what God wants, even if that means He quiets this affection in your heart. That desire to put His will first is a good place to stand.

Start with what is most certain. The Bible does not try to prove God's love for you by whether a certain person returns your feelings. It points to one place, the cross. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That is how God commended His love toward you. You are already fully loved, fully received, and your sins have been washed away through Jesus. When that love becomes your foundation, you can walk through uncertainty without being crushed by it, because your worth is not decided by whether this young man chooses you.

Prayer is not a way to force someone else to feel a certain way, and it is not a way to force God to give you what you want. God has given each person the power of choice and He honors it. He will not override another person's free will, and He will not override yours. The purpose of prayer is to bring your heart into agreement with His will. So it is right to pray as you did, Lord, if this is not Your will for me, remove or redirect this affection, and if it is, make that clear in Your way and Your time. Asking according to His will is the safest prayer you can pray.

Take his words seriously and walk wisely. If he says he is happily single and you are friends, receive that at face value and respect that boundary. Love in the biblical sense is not about grasping or pining, it is about giving. Human attraction can be physical or emotional, but the love God pours into us by His Spirit is a giving love, the same love with which Christ loved us. You can watch for that kind of love in his life without pursuing him. Does he love God, does he love the family of God, does he show kindness and compassion rather than cold indifference, is there fruit of the Spirit over time. That kind of character is seen best from a healthy friendship, not from pressing for more.

You also cannot win by going against what God has said. God calls His children to live differently from the world, to be separate, to not touch what is unclean, and He promises that when you do, He will be a Father to you and care for you. That means any move toward romance should be toward a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, with purity and self control, not living together or giving away what belongs only within marriage. If you keep His Word at the center, you are not losing your chance, you are putting yourself in the place where He can best take care of you.

As you wait, let God perfect His love in you. As you yield to His Spirit, He will shape you to love as Christ loves, to be moved with compassion for others, to love the brothers and sisters God has placed around you, and to have increasing confidence before Him. That love will give you boldness and peace on the day you need it and in the days of waiting. It also guards you from making love of self or love of pleasure the ruling love of your life, which always leads to pain.

Practically, keep walking in a circumspect, wise way. Stay rooted in Scripture, stay in fellowship where you can be encouraged and reproved by the Word when needed, serve others, and keep the friendship honest and free from manipulation or hinting. If God intends something more, He is able to make it clear through open doors and mutual, freely chosen interest that honors Him. If not, He is able to quiet your heart as you keep abiding in His love.

I will pray for you as you asked. Father, thank You for Your great love shown at the cross and for receiving this daughter through Jesus. I ask that Your will be done in her life and in this friendship. If this young man is not the one You have for her, gently remove the romantic affection and fill her heart with Your peace and with love for You and for others. If there is a future together that would honor You in a pure, marriage centered way, make it clear in Your timing without striving or compromise. Teach her to abide in Your love, to walk in love as Christ loved us, and to trust that You are caring for her as a Father. In Jesus name, Amen.