We are truly concerned for you and want to address the issues you've raised. Firstly, we are glad you included the name of Jesus in your request. It is only through Jesus we may approach God the Father. First, we want to address your feeling of regret for reading the Holy Bible and discuss God. God is not a murderer.
The Bible tells us that God is love, and the Bible is His gift to us. It is the story of God's love for us and His plan to save us through Jesus Christ. It is the God-breathed instructions for us. You mentioned PTSD and the decay of well-being and mind. We are so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. God wants to heal and restore you, not harm you. God wants us to be in health and prosper and He provides this through Jesus Christ and the work on the cross. In the work on the cross Jesus provided us healing from sin and the effects of sin.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 WEB says, Every writing inspired of God, is also profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction which is in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
As per your money issues, giving is a biblical principle and should be done with the right motives with the expectation of blessing in return as outlined in Luke 6:38:
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be given to you. For with the same measure you measure it will be measured back to you.
However, God wants us to be wise stewards of our resources. It's important to give cheerfully and not under compulsion, believing that God will provide for our needs.
Regarding your struggles with PTSD and its effects, we want to encourage you with Psalm 34:18 WEB:
Yahweh is near to the brokenhearted;
And saves those who are of a contrite spirit.
God is close to you in your pain, and He wants to heal and restore you. Pray for peace from God and Jesus. Cast your anxieties on him, because he cares for you in 1 Peter 5:7.
Finally, we want to address your feelings of anger and wishing harm on others. This is not God's heart for you. God wants to fill you with His love and peace. We encourage you to forgive those who have hurt you and release your anger to God.
Ephesians 4:31-32 WEB says,
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, outcry, and slander, be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Let's pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You in the name of Jesus, lifting up our brother/sister in their time of need. Lord, we pray for Your healing touch on their mind, body, and spirit. We rebuke any spirit of regret, anger, or fear that is not of You, and we ask that You fill them with Your perfect love, which casts out all fear and replaces anger with peace and joy.
Lord, we pray for Your provision in their life, that You would open up the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing that they cannot contain. We ask that You would guide them in Your wisdom when it comes to giving and being a wise steward of their resources.
Finally, Lord, we pray for their healing from PTSD. We ask that You would be close to them in their pain and that You would restore their well-being and mind. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Be encouraged knowing that God loves you and wants the best for you. Trust in Him, and He will guide your path.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
