Suki
Disciple of Prayer
Hello Everyone. I want to update you about my son. On Monday June 19th I was told that my son did not have a heartbeat and had been deceased in the womb for about 2 weeks, by a Doctor at my ultrasound appointment. Despite hearing that news I held onto my faith and hope that this was not my testimony and that my case was different. I stood on the word of God and his promises to me in Jesus mighty name and I continued to claim in Jesus name that my story would be a testimony and my son would be a miracle. I told you prayer warriors my story and told you that I would update you on my second opinion ultrasound.
On Monday June 26th, My water broke at 1am in the morning. I have never experienced water breaking in my life so I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was just unable to hold my bladder. Anyway I realized that something was wrong when I went to wipe myself and felt what I thought was my baby in my vagina area. I quickly got into a cab and went to the ER. The ER was empty and I was seen right away. I spoke to the woman at the desk and told her that I think I might be having a miscarriage. She asked me how many weeks I was? and I told her that I was 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant. She immediately had me transported to delivery part of the hospital where I was given another ultrasound and still no heartbeat. As a matter of fact they could not see my son on the screen. Even with the Doctor telling me there was no heartbeat, I told her that I wanted a third opinion. I was still holding onto my faith that my baby would be a miracle.
I watched as the Doctor looked at her colleagues. She then turned back to me and she said, Suki we will do whatever you want to do. If you want a third opinion then you are entitled to a third opinion. What is that you would like to do? I said I would like another opinion. The Doctor agreed. She then said, let me examine you eternally to make sure that everything is ok with your son. She gloved her hands and when she inserted her fingers into my vagina she made a startling discovery. She could feel the digits of either my son's fingers or toes. And she said, Suki the reason we cannot see your baby on the monitor is because he is already making his way out of your vagina. At that point every bit of sadness within my body escaped and I started crying. Even with my tears the Doctor and her staff said, we will do whatever you want. Just tell us what you want us to do?
I very well knew that there was no way that any Doctor would try to save my son's life who has already been documented as deceased for a few weeks, nor would they operate on a 22 week and 2 day "fetus" so I opted to stay and receive care.
The Doctor said to me, we can deliver your son for you so that you spend time with him. We will treat this delivery as we would for a woman who carried all 9 months and whose baby has a heartbeat. I could not believe it especially when the first Doctor who discovered my son did not have a heart beat told me that I had to do a DNC and would be asleep during the whole thing and would never get the chance to see my son.
I called my best friend, Stephanie and she came to be by my side. The Doctors and staff told me that they would not start the delivery process unless I had support with me. And keeping to their word they did not start the delivery until my best friend Stephanie was present.
I went through the whole delivery with no pain meds. I experienced what it is like to have delivered a child. I had absolutely no pain and today feel as I felt before getting pregnant. No pain or discomfort whatsoever within my body.
I had to stay overnight in the hospital for around the clock observation and support. The Doctor and Nurse even gave me a keepsake of my son that included his complete name, and his footprints. I couldnt believe that they cared so much about me.
I will add that before delivering my son I prayed to God that I would not suffer any pain and that I would be able to have more children in the near future. I also prayed that he surrounded me with God fearing Doctors, Nurses and staff, and he answered all of my prayers in that respect. Although I know the lord works in mysterious ways I still do not know why it was so easy for him to quickly answer my prayers concerning delivering my son but he did not save my son's life and he has the power to do so? I guess I will never understand the answer to that question even if it were told to me by God himself.
Right now I am praying and holding onto my faith. Its been three days since the delivery of my son. And already I am finding it hard to come to the realization that my son will not be making his grand appearance in October. God has tested my faith many times. Before this pregnancy I had an ectopic pregnancy where my right fallopian tube was removed. So, you can imagine when I became pregnant with my son I thought God had blessed me. And that is why my faith was unwavering because I believed, despite all the bad news, that God sees something in me as a mother that I did not see in myself.
I am grateful for the all the Doctors, Nurses and hospital staff who were there for me 100%. I pray for them daily and express my gratitude for them daily. I also pray to God daily but sometimes my talks with him are not all loving. I do get upset and I do say things to him that later I have to ask his forgiveness for. I know God knows my heart and hopefully he does not hold anything against me.
I have been referred to therapy to truly understand what has taken place in my life as well as for the conclusion of my loss. Last night I could not stop crying and pray ing that this was all a bad dream that I would wake up from. I find solace in praying for others and will continue to do so. I am able to accept my reality by praying for myself.
I want to thank everyone of you prayer warriors who took time out of your life to pray for me. I am truly grateful. Words cannot describe how I feel for each of you.
On Monday June 26th, My water broke at 1am in the morning. I have never experienced water breaking in my life so I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was just unable to hold my bladder. Anyway I realized that something was wrong when I went to wipe myself and felt what I thought was my baby in my vagina area. I quickly got into a cab and went to the ER. The ER was empty and I was seen right away. I spoke to the woman at the desk and told her that I think I might be having a miscarriage. She asked me how many weeks I was? and I told her that I was 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant. She immediately had me transported to delivery part of the hospital where I was given another ultrasound and still no heartbeat. As a matter of fact they could not see my son on the screen. Even with the Doctor telling me there was no heartbeat, I told her that I wanted a third opinion. I was still holding onto my faith that my baby would be a miracle.
I watched as the Doctor looked at her colleagues. She then turned back to me and she said, Suki we will do whatever you want to do. If you want a third opinion then you are entitled to a third opinion. What is that you would like to do? I said I would like another opinion. The Doctor agreed. She then said, let me examine you eternally to make sure that everything is ok with your son. She gloved her hands and when she inserted her fingers into my vagina she made a startling discovery. She could feel the digits of either my son's fingers or toes. And she said, Suki the reason we cannot see your baby on the monitor is because he is already making his way out of your vagina. At that point every bit of sadness within my body escaped and I started crying. Even with my tears the Doctor and her staff said, we will do whatever you want. Just tell us what you want us to do?
I very well knew that there was no way that any Doctor would try to save my son's life who has already been documented as deceased for a few weeks, nor would they operate on a 22 week and 2 day "fetus" so I opted to stay and receive care.
The Doctor said to me, we can deliver your son for you so that you spend time with him. We will treat this delivery as we would for a woman who carried all 9 months and whose baby has a heartbeat. I could not believe it especially when the first Doctor who discovered my son did not have a heart beat told me that I had to do a DNC and would be asleep during the whole thing and would never get the chance to see my son.
I called my best friend, Stephanie and she came to be by my side. The Doctors and staff told me that they would not start the delivery process unless I had support with me. And keeping to their word they did not start the delivery until my best friend Stephanie was present.
I went through the whole delivery with no pain meds. I experienced what it is like to have delivered a child. I had absolutely no pain and today feel as I felt before getting pregnant. No pain or discomfort whatsoever within my body.
I had to stay overnight in the hospital for around the clock observation and support. The Doctor and Nurse even gave me a keepsake of my son that included his complete name, and his footprints. I couldnt believe that they cared so much about me.
I will add that before delivering my son I prayed to God that I would not suffer any pain and that I would be able to have more children in the near future. I also prayed that he surrounded me with God fearing Doctors, Nurses and staff, and he answered all of my prayers in that respect. Although I know the lord works in mysterious ways I still do not know why it was so easy for him to quickly answer my prayers concerning delivering my son but he did not save my son's life and he has the power to do so? I guess I will never understand the answer to that question even if it were told to me by God himself.
Right now I am praying and holding onto my faith. Its been three days since the delivery of my son. And already I am finding it hard to come to the realization that my son will not be making his grand appearance in October. God has tested my faith many times. Before this pregnancy I had an ectopic pregnancy where my right fallopian tube was removed. So, you can imagine when I became pregnant with my son I thought God had blessed me. And that is why my faith was unwavering because I believed, despite all the bad news, that God sees something in me as a mother that I did not see in myself.
I am grateful for the all the Doctors, Nurses and hospital staff who were there for me 100%. I pray for them daily and express my gratitude for them daily. I also pray to God daily but sometimes my talks with him are not all loving. I do get upset and I do say things to him that later I have to ask his forgiveness for. I know God knows my heart and hopefully he does not hold anything against me.
I have been referred to therapy to truly understand what has taken place in my life as well as for the conclusion of my loss. Last night I could not stop crying and pray ing that this was all a bad dream that I would wake up from. I find solace in praying for others and will continue to do so. I am able to accept my reality by praying for myself.
I want to thank everyone of you prayer warriors who took time out of your life to pray for me. I am truly grateful. Words cannot describe how I feel for each of you.
