Hungry4love357
Servant of All
I cannot go into church anymore. I feel so intimidated. I have prayed forever for a special lady friend to go to church with me. It's hard for me. I see all the couple's and can't help but be jealous. Nobody cares but me I guess. I was told that I am selfish because all I think about is myself and what I don't have. Nobody understands how degrading it is to me to be a grown man who can't even make simple friendships with women or anyone else for that matter. I guess I am being selfish, but that's only because I am looking for fellowship and getting a cold shoulder. No one ever seems to bother to ask me if I'm okay, or if I need help. They just start and pass me by. I am crying for help, for love and attention and not getting anything. I want to be heard. I want connections, yet my efforts seen to be fruitless. I need someone to show me that I matter, that someone here cares about me. But nobody cares. I guess you could say I am too weak to face my anxieties. I don't know how to deal with having the fact that I am a single man, seeking a friend in a sea full of couples. It drives me crazy. Why can't I have what they have. What makes me so different. Why do I want something I can't seem to have in the first place. If I talk about it people say I'm selfish. I don't know what to say to that. I am frustrated. I pray for a friend and get nothing. I don't get it, what am I doing wrong? Why am I like this? Why won't God do something to change it. It's easy for people who get blessed by God whenever they pray for something to tell me I'm being selfish because I am upset about being single when they are married with kids, and have everything they pray for given to them wanting weeks sometimes sooner. Take that away and I want to see how positive and unselfish they can be then. They have no idea what it's like to constantly be wondering why God has not given them the desires of their hearts. I would give up every material possession I own if I knew It would give me that special friend I have been praying for. I am so upset. I cannot process this. I cannot handle it. I don't understand why God can't just meet me halfway. I don't understand why I can't have a female compainion. I give up. I am tired of waiting on God. I have been waiting for Him to introduce me to a friend for so long. I keep getting disapointed. I want a change. I want God to move, to do something, to show me that He is at lest working on it. Bit he won't even do that. I guess I'm not a real Christian. Can't even worship whole heartedly anymore. My joy is gone, my spirit is crushed. God I need you to show up. I need to know that you care. Please Father do something. I can't take it anymore. I can't even go into the worship center anymore, because I feel so worthless. I don't belong in there with all the people who get it right. With all the blessed people. I am blessed but Father I feel less than a man because I can't make friends with women. I need somebody, any one to be that good in my life. Father I need someone to show me there is hope. Father I see no hope. All I see is darkness, and all I feel is my loneliness. Father please. I can't take it. I hate being alone. Please send me a special female companion to go to church with, and read the Bible with. Father send me someone my age that I can relate to well and who will understand me, and be my true friend and not a fair weathered friend. Please Father. Don't leave hanging please. I need your help. I can't do it. I need a girl to approch me, and to talk to me first, because I am too scared of getting my hopes up for nothing. Please God send a special friend into my life that will want to be my friend, and let her talk to me first. That way I know it's her. Please Father I need this. Please answer me send her today Lord. I need this. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen
