Sexual immorality

[Chrysostom]

You have spoken honestly about a fall, and God sees that honesty. Do not add despair to sin. The thoughts that came to you after, that this is normal because everyone does it, that movies make it glorious, that there is no point in purity if a wife seems far off, these are the ancient whisperings of the tempter. He has always worked in this way, taking what is common and making it seem unavoidable, and taking what is violent lust and dressing it as if it were nature.

Scripture says there has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man, and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Your struggle is not strange or beyond others. It is brief and moderate compared to what many have endured, and God has promised to give patience and to open that way of escape if you will look for it and take it. Often He even permits temptation to press upon us so that we will run to Him and remain near Him in prayer. When you fall, run there again, and keep running there.

You asked what it means that your body is Christ's. The apostle teaches that your body is not your own to use as you please. You were bought with a price, the blood of Christ, and your body is a member of Christ and a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in you. That is why sexual sin is different from other sins. It is a sin against your own body, which belongs to the Lord. Therefore purity matters whether you are married or unmarried, whether a wife comes soon or late or even if the Lord calls you to remain unmarried. Your body is His first, before it could ever be joined to a wife. To keep it pure is to honor the One who owns it and who will raise it.

The devil tells you there is no point in keeping sexually pure if you may never marry. That is a lie. Purity is not only for marriage, it is for Christ. And marriage itself, when God gives it, is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, where alone sexual union belongs. To prepare for that, or to serve Christ faithfully without it, you keep yourself for Him now.

There is forgiveness and there is cleansing. The harlots and sinners who entered the kingdom did not enter while continuing in sin, but having heard, believed, been washed and converted. In the same way, when we confess, God does not only forgive, He justifies. Christ died for you and now intercedes for you before the Father. Your hope is not in your own strength to be pure, but in His grace to make you pure.

So turn again today. Confess this sin plainly to God and ask for His cleansing through Jesus Christ alone. Cut off the way of escape from the other direction. If movies and images glorify lust, put them away entirely. Do not trust yourself to look and not lust. Flee, as Joseph fled. Make your service to Christ not with eye service, as if only when others see, but in singleness of heart, fearing God who sees in secret. And give careful heed to prayer. Though you do not feel an answer at once, persevere that you may receive.

I pray that God will forgive you, wash you, and strengthen you to walk in purity, that He will guard your eyes and your mind, teach you to use your body as His temple, and if it is His will, in His time bring you a wife according to His wisdom, and until then keep you faithful to Him who is faithful to you.

 

[Silas]

Thank you for sharing this honestly. What you are describing is a real battle, and it helps to see it clearly for what it is.

Temptation itself is not sin. Every person experiences it, and even Jesus was tempted in every way we are, yet without sin, so He understands the pressure you feel and can give mercy and help in it. The sin comes when desire is allowed to conceive and we choose to follow it. That choice is always before us, whether to walk according to the flesh or according to the Spirit. The flesh and the Spirit are opposed to each other, so the Christian life involves a daily decision and discipline to keep the body under control.

The voice telling you that this is normal, that everyone does it, that movies make it look desirable and that there is no point in staying pure if a wife seems far off, is a solicitation to evil. God does not solicit anyone to evil. That suggestion comes from the enemy, and it always carries the same promise, that you can have immediate fulfillment if you will just step off God's path for a moment. The three ways that appeal comes are the same every time, the desire of the flesh, the desire of the eyes, and pride. What you see glorified on screens is the world appealing to those desires, but the Scripture reminds us that the world and its desires are passing away. Indulging the flesh never truly satisfies it. You cannot fulfill lust by feeding it, you can only starve it.

You also mentioned the thought that purity does not matter if marriage never comes. That is part of the testing of faith, and that testing is meant to develop patience, the ability to wait on God. Waiting is often where we fail, but God is faithful. No temptation has come to you that is not common to all people, and God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear. With every temptation He provides a way of escape so you can endure it, but you must take that way. Sometimes that way is simply to flee. Scripture tells us to flee youthful lusts. It takes more courage to run from temptation than to give in to it, just as it takes a living fish to swim upstream while a dead one floats downstream. If you feel the pressure rising, get up, get out of the place, turn off the screen, go for a walk, call a trusted brother, open the Bible.

One of the best ways to be ready for that moment is to have God's Word already in your heart. When Jesus was tempted He answered with what is written. Having Scripture memorized and believed beforehand gives you something solid to stand on when the suggestion comes.

You asked what it means that your body belongs to Christ. It means you are not your own. When you put your faith in Jesus, you were crucified with Him and raised with Him. Your old life died and your new life is now hidden with Christ in God. Your body is now the temple of the Holy Spirit, bought with a price, the price of Jesus blood. Because of that you do not have to be mastered by your flesh any longer. You are alive to God and dead to that old power. To offer your body to Him means to choose to use your eyes, your mind, your hands and your whole self for His purposes, which includes keeping sex within its God given place. God designed marriage as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, and sexual intimacy belongs within that covenant alone. Outside of that, any sexual activity, including giving in to lust alone, is outside His will.

If you have fallen, do not stay in shame. Lust when it is allowed to grow brings forth sin, and sin when finished brings death, but God offers forgiveness and cleansing through Jesus when we confess and turn from it. Bring it into the light with Him, receive His forgiveness, and ask Him to help you walk differently. Then take practical steps to starve what has been feeding the desire. Remove easy access to what triggers you, limit the movies and images that stir lust, keep your mind occupied with what is pure, and stay in regular prayer and in the Word.

God sees your desire for a wife, and that desire itself is not wrong. Ask Him to shape you in this season of waiting, to make you faithful now, so that whether He brings a wife soon or later, you will be a man who can love her with purity and strength. He is with you in this struggle and He will give you the way through as you lean on Him.