My husband and I are going through the same things you are. My husband had a stroke which affected his right arm and leg and now he has giving up playing drums at the church and I was forced to leave the housekeeping position of the church, befriended by the Pastors and other members. My husband hates God, church and pretty much everything else. I do not know why I am drawn to stay at that church but I know there is no mercy, no compassion, no love, backbitting, spiritual pride, self rightenouness and they think they are pleasing and serving God. When I first started at this church, we had about 60 members. The church has continually diminished and on a good Sun am service -we might have 20 or 30 people, and 12 to 18 on a wed night or sun night service. I have confronted the pastors on what I believe, what the desires of my heart are, I believe they think I want their position and their church, The pastors wife is very domineering, happy life, happy wife is the husband motto, they let the administrator run the church, which I believe is their biggest problem. They were put over the head of the church. they think they are God ordained and are pleasing to God. They use the word of God to hind behind their mistakes . I know I am called of God and that they are hindering the walk of the sheep and it is having an effect on our walk and our health and finances. This is the problem with the church today, people think they are called or want to be called, they think they are right and you try and correct them and then they turn on you. A good shephard is to watch over his sheep, the ones that God has sent them, they are to love God, love people, but too many of them put limitations and put conditions on their sheep. God is an unconditional God. He takes you the way you are, He molds you and transforms you. He does not put limitation, restrictions on you. People put conditions on you, if you don;t do this or don't do that, then I won't do this or that for you. That is a self rightous and spiritual pride spirit that runs rapid in the churches today and peoples eyes are blinded or they try to keep other peoples eyes blinded and Satan will use anyone and anything to hinder us in our walk with God. I know this for a fact because I am going through alot of what you are going through. I know I am called to a higher level, my hearts desire is to fulfil the will of God, to hear Him say, well done, my good and faithful servant, I have the desire to walk as Enoch did with God, to walk and talk to God in the midst of the garden and to go into the holies of holies, the ark of the convenant. People, Pastors will use the word of God just to benefit themselves. there are all kinds of spirits in the church, in people and running rapid in the churches today. Things are changing in the atmosphere today just as I am writing, God is awakening his people whom He has called, the true worshippers who worship in spirit and truth. Father God, in the name of Jesus, I pray for all who are going through trials and tribulation , persecutioners and the peace stealers , that you call your people, your servants to rise up, take hold, access your kingdom and occupy til you come back, Lord, and we bind anything, spirit, people, lust or anything that would hold us and cause us to be bound by Satan, to keep us from fulling your callings and your will for us and we call our ministering angels , commanding and demanding that they bring forth our blessings to us and you have us fulfil the purpose for what you created us to be, to worship you in spirit and truth, that you put Godly Pastors, godly people, godly christans in our paths and cause us to hook up with them and take the gospel to the world and that we are spir
