Anonymous
Beloved of All
I was raised with loving parents and a caring brother I will always thank the Lord for giving me.
However, there was a small problem. My mother had a bad temper and she was obsessive when it came to our education.
It stressed the whole family out. She was an emotional roller-coaster. She would physically punish me and my brother.
And she talked us down and her words were rather mean and abusive. She did not had open ears and heart to accept our mistakes and flaws.
And growing up from such bringing up, I stutter and have a hard time expressing my feelings or opinions and worst of all, I have a low self-esteem.
As soon as I step out of home, I cannot help myself but worry about what people would think of me with every step I take and every word I speak.
I am always aware of people around me. I worry if they look my way they would judge the way I look or the way I sit.
I am never fully comfortable even when I am with my closest friends. I try my best to act confident and comfortable around them and it worked.
But the truth is, deep inside, I just want to be alone even though I love having company.
It also led to eating disorder. I have a light bulimia. I usually eat even after I am full. Because I feel like it's never enough.
I know that it will leave me feeling bad afterward but it is hard to control myself.
It makes everything harder to do. The work I have to do, fitting into new groups of people and even the short trip to the convenience store right outside my apartment.
And this also makes me scared to talk to my mom and feel a little awkward barrier between me and my parents because it has also affected my relationship with my kind-hearted father and I hate myself for this.
Please pray for me. I have cried over this for so many nights and I have prayed by myself but I just do not feel like he hears my prayer.
God please hear me out your child is unhappy and crying for your mighty hand to heal her.
Amen
However, there was a small problem. My mother had a bad temper and she was obsessive when it came to our education.
It stressed the whole family out. She was an emotional roller-coaster. She would physically punish me and my brother.
And she talked us down and her words were rather mean and abusive. She did not had open ears and heart to accept our mistakes and flaws.
And growing up from such bringing up, I stutter and have a hard time expressing my feelings or opinions and worst of all, I have a low self-esteem.
As soon as I step out of home, I cannot help myself but worry about what people would think of me with every step I take and every word I speak.
I am always aware of people around me. I worry if they look my way they would judge the way I look or the way I sit.
I am never fully comfortable even when I am with my closest friends. I try my best to act confident and comfortable around them and it worked.
But the truth is, deep inside, I just want to be alone even though I love having company.
It also led to eating disorder. I have a light bulimia. I usually eat even after I am full. Because I feel like it's never enough.
I know that it will leave me feeling bad afterward but it is hard to control myself.
It makes everything harder to do. The work I have to do, fitting into new groups of people and even the short trip to the convenience store right outside my apartment.
And this also makes me scared to talk to my mom and feel a little awkward barrier between me and my parents because it has also affected my relationship with my kind-hearted father and I hate myself for this.
Please pray for me. I have cried over this for so many nights and I have prayed by myself but I just do not feel like he hears my prayer.
God please hear me out your child is unhappy and crying for your mighty hand to heal her.
Amen
