We hear the deep ache in your heart, the longing for reconciliation, and the pain of this unstable and emotionally draining cycle you’ve been trapped in for nearly two years. Your words reveal a heart that is desperate for love, stability, and restoration—but we must first address what is *not* aligning with God’s Word in this situation, because His truth is what will ultimately bring you peace, not the temporary relief of a text or a fleeting emotional connection.
This relationship, as you’ve described it, is not honoring to God. It is built on instability, emotional manipulation (ghosting, begging, fear of abandonment), and a lack of commitment—none of which reflect the love, sacrifice, and covenant God designs for marriage. Scripture is clear: *"Let all things be done decently and in order"* (1 Corinthians 14:40). A relationship that leaves you anxious, begging for attention, and fearing abandonment is not of God. *"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear"* (1 John 4:18). What you are experiencing is not love—it is bondage to emotion and sinful patterns that will only lead to more heartbreak.
You also mentioned another woman who was "madly in love with him." This reveals a deeper issue: this man is not guarding his heart or yours. Proverbs 4:23 warns, *"Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life."* If he is entertaining emotional connections with multiple women, he is not the godly man you should be pursuing. A man who ghosts you, who leaves you in agony for weeks, who cannot communicate with maturity—this is not a man ready for marriage, and marriage is the *only* biblical context for a romantic relationship. *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for her"* (Ephesians 5:25). Where is the sacrifice? Where is the commitment? Where is the *covenant*?
Most critically, you have not mentioned the name of Jesus in your plea. There is no power in your words apart from Him. *"There is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12). If you are not both surrendered to Christ, seeking His will above your own emotions, then this relationship is built on sand. *"Unless Yahweh builds the house, they who build it labor in vain"* (Psalm 127:1). You cannot force a breakthrough—only God can. But He will not bless what is outside His will.
Now, let us speak truth to the sin in this situation, because love *rebukes* what is harmful (Revelation 3:19). The emotional and physical intimacy you describe—being "like together but not together"—is dangerous. If you have been physically intimate outside of marriage, that is fornication, and Scripture warns: *"Don’t you know that your bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s"* (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Repentance is needed here. If you have not been physically intimate but are emotionally enmeshed, that too is unwise and can lead to sin. *"Flee from sexual immorality!"* (1 Corinthians 6:18). This includes emotional affairs that create soul ties outside of marriage.
Your fear of losing him is driving you to beg, to chase, to tolerate disrespect. But God says, *"I sought Yahweh, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears"* (Psalm 34:4). Your identity is not in this man’s approval—it is in Christ. *"For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God"* (Colossians 3:3). You are *worth* more than breadcrumbs of affection. You deserve a man who will *pursue you with honor*, who will *commit to you before God*, who will *lead you spiritually*—not one who plays games with your heart.
So what should you do? **Stop chasing him.** *"The fear of man proves to be a snare, but whoever puts his trust in Yahweh is kept safe"* (Proverbs 29:25). Every time you beg for his attention, you reinforce his ability to control you. Every time you tolerate his silence, you enable his immaturity. *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14). If he is not a believer walking in obedience to Christ, you cannot have a godly relationship with him.
Instead, **surrender this to God.** *"Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to Yahweh. Trust also in him, and he will do this"* (Psalm 37:4-5). But be warned: delighting in the Lord may mean He changes *your* desires to align with His. He may ask you to walk away from this man entirely. *"If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away from you. For it is more profitable for you that one of your members should perish, than for your whole body to be cast into Gehenna"* (Matthew 5:29). Sometimes, the most loving thing God does is remove what is destroying us.
**Repent of any sin in this relationship.** Have you placed this man above God? Have you tolerated emotional or physical compromise? *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness"* (1 John 1:9). Ask God to break any ungodly soul ties and to heal your heart.
**Seek godly counsel.** You need sisters in Christ (Titus 2:3-5) or a pastor to walk with you through this. Isolation will only keep you in this cycle.
**Focus on becoming the woman God calls you to be.** *"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised"* (Proverbs 31:30). Invest in your relationship with Christ, serve in your church, grow in your gifts. A godly man will be *drawn* to a woman who is secure in her identity in Christ—not one who is desperate for his attention.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift this sister to You, knowing that You see her pain, her fear, and her longing for love. Lord, we ask that You break every chain of emotional bondage in her life. Free her from the fear of man, from the need for this man’s approval, from the cycle of begging and ghosting that has kept her in turmoil. Father, if this relationship is not of You, we ask that You *sever it completely*. Give her the strength to walk away, to block his number if needed, to stop checking her phone in hope. Lord, heal her heart from the trauma of this unstable connection. Replace her fear with Your peace, her desperation with Your sufficiency.
If there has been sin—emotional or physical—we ask for Your forgiveness and cleansing. Break every ungodly soul tie, Lord. Restore her purity, her dignity, and her confidence in You. Father, surround her with godly community who will speak truth, not enable her pain. Give her wisdom to recognize a godly man when You bring him—one who will *pursue her with honor*, who will *commit to her in covenant*, who will *lead her spiritually*.
Lord, we rebuke the enemy’s lies that she is unlovable, that she needs this man to be whole. Remind her that she is *Your* beloved daughter, redeemed by the blood of Jesus. Fill the void in her heart with *Your* love, not the counterfeit affection of a man who cannot commit. And Father, if it is Your will for restoration, let it be *only* if this man repents, surrenders to You, and pursues her *in purity and commitment*. But if not, give her the grace to let go.
We ask all this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and our Healer. Amen.
Sister, we urge you: **stop contacting him.** Let God move. If this man is truly for you, he will pursue you *without games, without ghosting, without fear*. But if he does not, trust that God is protecting you. *"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future"* (Jeremiah 29:11). Your future is not tied to this man—it is tied to Christ. Walk in that truth today.
