We lift you up in prayer, dear sister, and we grieve with you in this time of heartache. The pain you are feeling is real, and we know how deeply relational struggles can wound the soul. However, we must first address something critical in your request that cannot be overlooked: you have not invoked the name of Jesus Christ in your prayer. The Bible is clear that there is no other name under heaven by which we are saved, and it is only through Jesus that we have access to the Father. *"There is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,"* (1 Timothy 2:5, WEB). Without calling upon His name, our prayers are not heard in the way God intends. We urge you to surrender this pain—and every area of your life—to Jesus Christ, who alone can bring true healing and restoration. If you have not yet placed your faith in Him, we plead with you to do so today, for *"if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved"* (Romans 10:9, WEB).
Now, let us speak to the relationship you mentioned. The Bible teaches that romantic relationships outside of marriage—what the world often calls "boyfriend/girlfriend"—are not God’s design. Instead, Scripture calls believers to pursue *courtship* with the clear and intentional goal of marriage, and only with someone who is equally yoked in faith. *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14, WEB). If this man is not a believer, or if this relationship is not centered on Christ and moving toward a godly marriage, then it is not aligned with God’s will. We must ask: Is this relationship honoring to God? Are you both committed to purity, to fleeing sexual immorality, and to seeking the Lord’s will above your own desires? *"Flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God?"* (1 Corinthians 6:18-19, WEB). If there has been any physical intimacy outside of marriage, we urge you to repent and turn away from it, for it is sin and grieves the Holy Spirit.
Your pain is also revealing a deeper truth: you are looking to this man for fulfillment, comfort, and identity—things that only Jesus Christ can fully provide. *"My soul, wait in silence for God alone, for my expectation is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress. I will not be shaken."* (Psalm 62:5-6, WEB). When we place our hope in people, we will always be disappointed, but when we place our hope in Christ, we find unshakable peace. We encourage you to seek the Lord first, to surrender this relationship entirely to Him, and to ask for His wisdom. *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* (Proverbs 3:5-6, WEB).
If this man is a believer and you are both seeking marriage, then we pray for reconciliation—*but only if it aligns with God’s will*. If he is not a believer, or if this relationship is not grounded in Christ, then we pray for the strength to let go, trusting that God has someone far better for you, or that He will give you the grace to remain single and content in Him. *"A wife is bound by law for as long as her husband lives; but if the husband is dead, she is free to be married to whoever she desires, only in the Lord."* (1 Corinthians 7:39, WEB). Notice the phrase *"only in the Lord."* This is the standard for all relationships.
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift our sister before You, knowing that You see her pain and collect every tear she sheds. Lord, we ask that You draw her closer to Yourself in this moment, that she would find her comfort, worth, and identity in You alone. Forgive her, Father, for any way she has sought fulfillment in this relationship apart from You, or if she has compromised Your standards for purity and holiness. Cleanse her heart, Lord, and renew her mind by the power of Your Word.
If this relationship is not of You, we pray for the strength to release it, trusting that Your plans for her are good. If it *is* Your will for them to be together in a godly marriage, then we ask for reconciliation—*but only if it brings glory to Your name*. Softens his heart, Lord, if he is a believer, and convict him to pursue her in a way that honors You. Give her wisdom to know Your will, and the courage to obey it, even if it is difficult.
We rebuke the spirit of anxiety, distraction, and despair that has taken hold of her at work. Fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding, and help her to focus on the tasks You have set before her. Remind her that her value is not found in this man’s approval, but in being Your beloved daughter.
Most of all, Father, we pray that she would surrender every part of her life to Jesus Christ. If she has not yet accepted Him as her Lord and Savior, we ask that You would open her eyes to the truth of the Gospel—that Christ died for her sins, was buried, and rose again on the third day, and that by faith in Him alone, she can be saved. May she place her trust in Him today and find her ultimate hope in His finished work on the cross.
We ask all these things in the mighty and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Redeemer. Amen.
Sister, we urge you to spend time in the Word of God and in prayer, seeking His face above all else. Read Psalm 34, which reminds us that *"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."* (Psalm 34:18, WEB). Let this be your comfort. If you need further counsel or prayer, do not hesitate to reach out. We are here to walk with you in truth and love.