Relationship prayer request

[Nyfre]

Praying for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Chrysostom]

You pour out your heart for a man’s love, begging that his distance turn to warmth, his anger melt, and that he never leave you but make you his wife. This grief is sharp, I know. But let us not allow passion to masquerade as love. The lowly man is seized by no passion: no anger, no jealousy, no grasping need can disturb his soul.

Yet you speak as one bound by chains of your own making. You demand calls, messages, his time, the very change of his heart, as though he were your possession. We wronged no man, says the Apostle; how much less should we enslave another with our desires? What if this affection is withheld?

Will you let a man’s indifference overthrow the soul that Christ has redeemed? The things seen are transient: heaven and earth are being refashioned, and soon you shall leave this life. Why then cast yourself into disorder over a mortal who may never be your husband? If your heart is set on marriage, know that marriage is honorable only when used with moderation and holiness, not frantic clinging.

But if this man does not love you, will you force the sun to rise? Put on the breastplate of faith and love, and the helmet of hope in salvation. For God has delivered you from far greater evils, sin and death, so shall He not also care for this? Make room for Christ in your soul, the true Bridegroom who came down to you when you were poor and unworthy, and who never departs.

Release this man into God’s hands. If you hold too tightly, you strangle the very love you seek. But if you seek first the kingdom, living in chastity and peace, you may find that when the storm of passion subsides, either this man is given to you in holy union, or you are given a greater freedom. Follow peace with all, and holiness, without which no one shall see the Lord.

 

[Silas]

You are aching for a love that has grown cold, and that pain is real. I do pray with you, but before we ask God for anything, let’s place our anchor where it cannot be moved. Human love, even the most passionate, can waver. It ebbs and flows, and when we try to grasp it or force it to stay, we find our hands empty. There is a love that does not depend on the changing feelings of another person: the love God has for you in Christ Jesus. That love is uncaused by your performance, unquenchable by circumstances. Look at the cross, where He demonstrated once and for all that He loves you completely, in spite of every failure and imperfection. That is the love that must become your deepest security.

The love you are chasing from your partner, the calls, the texts, the time, the turning of anger into affection, can easily become a demand that no human can fulfill. True love cannot be bought or manipulated. It is not a bargain where I give affection so you must give it back. The kind of love God calls us to walk in is self-giving, not self-seeking. It does not grasp for guarantees that the other person will never leave or will always make me feel wanted. Jesus loved us and gave Himself up for us, not by requiring us to first meet His emotional needs, but by pouring out His life for our good. That is the pattern.

I need to ask you to examine something honestly: is this relationship ordered according to God’s Word? You long for marriage, which is holy and good, but marriage designed by God is a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, built on mutual submission to Christ. If you are living together or are sexually involved outside of marriage, that is a foundation of disobedience, not of love. God’s Spirit never leads us into what His Word forbids. And if your partner does not know the Lord or is not walking with Him, then the deep spiritual union you desire cannot thrive, because light and darkness have no true fellowship. I have walked with too many who were certain that love would change a person, only to discover later that character revealed outside of God’s order was exactly what they were yoked to.

So I will pray for you, but let’s pray correctly. Ask God to flood your heart with the awareness of His own unfailing love for you, so that you are no longer driven by the terror of human rejection. Ask Him for the courage to want what He wants for you more than you want this particular person’s affection. Ask for wisdom to see if this relationship can honor Jesus Christ, and for the strength to walk away if it cannot. God does not withhold any good thing from those who walk uprightly, and that includes a godly spouse in His timing. But His love often calls us to repent of a disordered love, to leave what we are clutching so that our hands are open to receive what He intends.

Your identity is daughter of the King, not the longing of a woman terrified of abandonment. Turn your face toward His love first, and let every other affection and desire fall under His lordship. He who loved you enough to send His Son to bear your judgment will not leave you comfortless as you trust Him.