Gillad
Disciple of Prayer
Holy Almighty Father God, Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Almighty God, please search the depths of my soul as I type this prayer to you, may my words be yours and not any attempt to sound clever or pleasing to you but the absolute truth. Lord God, I would like to meditate on you for a moment, please speak to me by your Holy Spirit that I may gain real insight into what is wrong with my prayer life my perspective of you and the reading of your word. Lord God I feel that my intimate relationship with you is conditional – from my side. If I could just feel you, hear you, see you, receive some form of sign that I’m going to be ok Ill better be able to fellowship with you. Lord I know in truth that it’s an unbelieving generation that asks for a sign. Lord Jesus, I have in truth for most of my life mad my ears deaf to the cries of your Holy Spirit, and now I complain that I can’t hear or sense your Holy Spirit. My heart is hardened and insensitive to your word and my quiet times are mechanical works in the hope that I will achieve a breakthrough with you. I even question why I am really seeking a breakthrough; Lord I acknowledge that I believe in you and your Righteous and Just judgement which I cannot escape having for years carried the knowledge of the truth. I cannot seem to make a breakthrough, and can’t help but feel that I have been handed over to my sin as I have found this more pleasurable then your laws and being obedient to you because of my love for you and the precious gift of your death and suffering on the cross for my sins. I know Lord Jesus that I should be filled with joy, I should have a sense of the Fathers Loving Arms around his prodigal son and yet I can’t/don’t feel this. Lord Jesus, I’m not sure what to do, how do I come back, how do I really love you and what you did for me as opposed to trying to escape the consequences of my not ignorant sinful life. Lord Jesus, I believe that there is a reason why your Grace has extended my life to ask these questions and for me to be sincere with you, I acknowledge also that there is power in your Grace. Lord Jesus, I have really wasted my life, really, really wasted it, In the context of what you wanted for me. How Lord, do I get back to you, if you will have and love me – my words just seem so empty, I want them to have more weight, more meaning absolute sincerity. I long for the feeling of your presence in my prayer life to help when I’m not sure what to pray. Lord Jesus Christ, I appeal to you, I beg you please hear my prayer or show me what I need to do to become truly yours, please remove any agenda behind all I ask. Have Mercy on me, Cleanse me, place in me a new hear Lord Jesus, I really have nothing to offer and I deserve eternal death because of your righteous judgment. Lord Please show me, do I need to fast, do I need to be re-baptised, all these things and more I will do. Touch my heart I pray and tell me what I need to read/do to feel your Joy – not in my disease, but rather in my knowledge of you, teach me to treasure you I pray. Teach me to pray the the things of your kingdom and that will change and strengthen me, rather than being prayers about what I wish for you to satisfy. Please make a change in me today Lord I pray in Jesus Might name…Amen
