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Proverbs Chapter A Day
Proverbs Chapter 20
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<blockquote data-quote="pradmin" data-source="post: 164368" data-attributes="member: 2"><p>The following discussion is from the January Reading of This Chapter of Proverbs at ericasp.com:<BR><BR></p><p></p><p><blockquote><p><strong>The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out (Proverbs 20:5)</strong>.<br /></p></blockquote><p><br />Most of my in-laws are largely incomprehensible to me. Why do they say the things they do: sounding so harsh, abrasive, offensive, and mean? Why do they make the decisions they make -- so different from how I would manage my time, money, priorities, and so on? I mean, really: What the heck is their deal?!? I often feel tempted to ask what my family member ever saw in that person they chose for their life companion. It seems so incongruent to me at times. But in the end, I know that I have to trust the judgment of my family members -- going on faith that there is <em>something </em>special about their significant other. I just have to take time and effort to figure it out...<br /><br /><img src=&quot<a href="http://;http://public.prayerrequest.com/images/pr365/" target="_blank">;http://public.prayerrequest.com/images/pr365/</a></p><p></p><p>sunlight_deep_ocean_kan.jpg" alt="water" title="water" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="300" height="300" align="right" />And here's what's crazy: When I slow down and deliberately go through this thought process for myself, I'm almost always rewarded. And I think this is basically because of the process described in Proverbs 20:5.<br /><br />Upon introspection, I can see that difficulties with in-laws really comes down to culture clash. You see, whether we put words to it or not, each family has its own culture (and a lot of times, there are even various sub-cultures within a single family!). And when cultures come together, friction automatically results. Culture clash happens when assumptions are made about actions or words that are perceived as being rude, offensive, and ill-intended -- through perhaps the motivation is actually quite the opposite. For example, I grew up in the Midwestern section of the United States of America -- where the warmest, most welcoming, most hospitible approach to welcoming a guest into one's home is to say, "C'mon in! Make yourself at home. What's mine is yours. Help yourself to anything you find in the fridge..." The idea is basically to pretend that the visitor is just a regular part of the family. But I've learned, living for the better part of the last decade in the Netherlands, that the Midwestern approach to hospitality can actually feel very rude, cold, inhospitible -- ongezellig, if you will. Eating chips from the bag while standing around the kitchen island, grabbing a Coke from the refrigerator and drinking it straight from the can, plopping down around the living room couch to watch television -- these things would be unthinkable for the Dutch host. Because in the Netherlands, the highest form of hospitality is fetching drinks, offering a carefully-considered "menu" to the guest, anticipating a guest's needs before they are even vocalized -- basically showing fore-thought, treating the guest like royalty. Midwesterners in such a setting might be tempted to think that Europeans are stiff, formal, and aristocratic -- but it's actually motivated by the exact same sense of hospitality! It's just a different culture. Neither is the "better" culture. They both have their advantages and disadvantages. But the only way to really come to a full appreciation of a different culture is to carefully draw out the motivations behind the actions.<br /><br />According to Proverbs 20:5, we need to believe the best about another person / family / culture -- realizing that we can't possibly understand another's true heart motivation. Even though their words or actions could be perceived as one thing on the surface level, we need to realize that the purposes of a man's heart are deep waters. Most people / families / cultures really value the same things, at their core: taking care of their children, making the world a better place, enjoying community with others, etc. And even though ALL expressions of humanity are tainted by imperfection and a sin nature, we need to start out by assuming that others -- even the ones who seem most rude, selfish, offensive, inconsiderate, and mean-spirited -- are <strong>not</strong> dry holes in the ground, but rather wells of deep water. And if we can get past the surface misunderstandings and draw out the deep stuff to truly connect with and relate to another person, then we'll all be that much better for the process.</p></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pradmin, post: 164368, member: 2"] The following discussion is from the January Reading of This Chapter of Proverbs at ericasp.com:<BR><BR> <blockquote><p>[B]The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out (Proverbs 20:5)[/B].<br /></p></blockquote><p><br />Most of my in-laws are largely incomprehensible to me. Why do they say the things they do: sounding so harsh, abrasive, offensive, and mean? Why do they make the decisions they make -- so different from how I would manage my time, money, priorities, and so on? I mean, really: What the heck is their deal?!? I often feel tempted to ask what my family member ever saw in that person they chose for their life companion. It seems so incongruent to me at times. But in the end, I know that I have to trust the judgment of my family members -- going on faith that there is <em>something </em>special about their significant other. I just have to take time and effort to figure it out...<br /><br /><img src="[URL=";http://public.prayerrequest.com/images/pr365/"];http://public.prayerrequest.com/images/pr365/[/URL] sunlight_deep_ocean_kan.jpg" alt="water" title="water" hspace="5" vspace="5" width="300" height="300" align="right" />And here's what's crazy: When I slow down and deliberately go through this thought process for myself, I'm almost always rewarded. And I think this is basically because of the process described in Proverbs 20:5.<br /><br />Upon introspection, I can see that difficulties with in-laws really comes down to culture clash. You see, whether we put words to it or not, each family has its own culture (and a lot of times, there are even various sub-cultures within a single family!). And when cultures come together, friction automatically results. Culture clash happens when assumptions are made about actions or words that are perceived as being rude, offensive, and ill-intended -- through perhaps the motivation is actually quite the opposite. For example, I grew up in the Midwestern section of the United States of America -- where the warmest, most welcoming, most hospitible approach to welcoming a guest into one's home is to say, "C'mon in! Make yourself at home. What's mine is yours. Help yourself to anything you find in the fridge..." The idea is basically to pretend that the visitor is just a regular part of the family. But I've learned, living for the better part of the last decade in the Netherlands, that the Midwestern approach to hospitality can actually feel very rude, cold, inhospitible -- ongezellig, if you will. Eating chips from the bag while standing around the kitchen island, grabbing a Coke from the refrigerator and drinking it straight from the can, plopping down around the living room couch to watch television -- these things would be unthinkable for the Dutch host. Because in the Netherlands, the highest form of hospitality is fetching drinks, offering a carefully-considered "menu" to the guest, anticipating a guest's needs before they are even vocalized -- basically showing fore-thought, treating the guest like royalty. Midwesterners in such a setting might be tempted to think that Europeans are stiff, formal, and aristocratic -- but it's actually motivated by the exact same sense of hospitality! It's just a different culture. Neither is the "better" culture. They both have their advantages and disadvantages. But the only way to really come to a full appreciation of a different culture is to carefully draw out the motivations behind the actions.<br /><br />According to Proverbs 20:5, we need to believe the best about another person / family / culture -- realizing that we can't possibly understand another's true heart motivation. Even though their words or actions could be perceived as one thing on the surface level, we need to realize that the purposes of a man's heart are deep waters. Most people / families / cultures really value the same things, at their core: taking care of their children, making the world a better place, enjoying community with others, etc. And even though ALL expressions of humanity are tainted by imperfection and a sin nature, we need to start out by assuming that others -- even the ones who seem most rude, selfish, offensive, inconsiderate, and mean-spirited -- are <strong>not</strong> dry holes in the ground, but rather wells of deep water. And if we can get past the surface misunderstandings and draw out the deep stuff to truly connect with and relate to another person, then we'll all be that much better for the process.</p> [/QUOTE]
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