Irasil
Disciple of Prayer
I’m writing to you today because I need to share something personal that I've been struggling with for a while.
I've always held the belief that God allows suffering to build character and deepen our relationship with Him. Lately, however, I've been experiencing a significant amount of mental and spiritual pressure. I’ve started calling these feelings "shocks" or "jolts," and they feel physically real, like a transfer of aggressive energy. It's a pain that I’m finding hard to reconcile with a loving God.
What makes it even more difficult is that I feel these "shocks" are pushing me away from God, not drawing me closer. I don't feel like I can seek community with God in the same way a child seeks comfort from a parent. Instead, I feel a great distance, almost as if I'm being treated worse than a pet, which we as humans wouldn't think of punishing in that way. I was on my way to church today but I stopped, something inside me refused to continue.
Much of this spiritual struggle seems to be directly connected to my previous work situation. I experienced a level of stress and pressure that went beyond what could be considered normal. There was a constant sense of being exposed to hidden aggression and dysfunctional group dynamics, which left me feeling powerless and confused. At times, the pressure was almost supernatural and "projected" onto me, which made me feel deeply shaken and out of control.
What makes this even more unsettling is that I’ve experienced similar supernatural events and spiritual influences in other professional settings (and not only at work) as well, incidents that felt completely beyond my or anyone else's control. For example, at a previous job, I once unknowingly sat in a chair that a colleague normally used. She immediately sent out one of these mental shocks, as if to mark her territory. On other occasions, I've witnessed an entire room darken—a sudden dimming strong enough to feel like the lights were physically turned down. This happened, for instance, during a disagreement with a colleague. It was as if "heaven" was making a kind of statement, as if she held special significance to them, like she was—not an angel perhaps—but something like it. This makes it incredibly difficult to navigate relationships, feeling as though certain people have a special status and must be treated with extreme caution. It's like having to walk on eggshells around them.
This recurring pattern leads me to question whether the divine order has been affected in some way, or if these are simply signs of the end times, where chaos is becoming more tangible in every aspect of life. I don't know if anyone else has experienced anything similar?
I don't really know how to navigate this, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Have any of you ever experienced spiritual pain that made you question God's presence, especially when it's linked to a painful life situation? Are there any biblical passages or theological ideas that might help me understand this feeling of being pushed away? I don't like this type of top-down pedagogy. I don't treat my pets this way, giving them mental shocks of pressure to correct their behavior. At the same time, there are examples in the Bible where people are tested and chastised and have to suffer both this and that so that God can teach us a lesson, which in many cases has been necessary.
This is a really difficult time for me, and I would be grateful for any type of response. How should I go on and cope with these kinds of situations?
I've always held the belief that God allows suffering to build character and deepen our relationship with Him. Lately, however, I've been experiencing a significant amount of mental and spiritual pressure. I’ve started calling these feelings "shocks" or "jolts," and they feel physically real, like a transfer of aggressive energy. It's a pain that I’m finding hard to reconcile with a loving God.
What makes it even more difficult is that I feel these "shocks" are pushing me away from God, not drawing me closer. I don't feel like I can seek community with God in the same way a child seeks comfort from a parent. Instead, I feel a great distance, almost as if I'm being treated worse than a pet, which we as humans wouldn't think of punishing in that way. I was on my way to church today but I stopped, something inside me refused to continue.
Much of this spiritual struggle seems to be directly connected to my previous work situation. I experienced a level of stress and pressure that went beyond what could be considered normal. There was a constant sense of being exposed to hidden aggression and dysfunctional group dynamics, which left me feeling powerless and confused. At times, the pressure was almost supernatural and "projected" onto me, which made me feel deeply shaken and out of control.
What makes this even more unsettling is that I’ve experienced similar supernatural events and spiritual influences in other professional settings (and not only at work) as well, incidents that felt completely beyond my or anyone else's control. For example, at a previous job, I once unknowingly sat in a chair that a colleague normally used. She immediately sent out one of these mental shocks, as if to mark her territory. On other occasions, I've witnessed an entire room darken—a sudden dimming strong enough to feel like the lights were physically turned down. This happened, for instance, during a disagreement with a colleague. It was as if "heaven" was making a kind of statement, as if she held special significance to them, like she was—not an angel perhaps—but something like it. This makes it incredibly difficult to navigate relationships, feeling as though certain people have a special status and must be treated with extreme caution. It's like having to walk on eggshells around them.
This recurring pattern leads me to question whether the divine order has been affected in some way, or if these are simply signs of the end times, where chaos is becoming more tangible in every aspect of life. I don't know if anyone else has experienced anything similar?
I don't really know how to navigate this, but I would really appreciate your perspective. Have any of you ever experienced spiritual pain that made you question God's presence, especially when it's linked to a painful life situation? Are there any biblical passages or theological ideas that might help me understand this feeling of being pushed away? I don't like this type of top-down pedagogy. I don't treat my pets this way, giving them mental shocks of pressure to correct their behavior. At the same time, there are examples in the Bible where people are tested and chastised and have to suffer both this and that so that God can teach us a lesson, which in many cases has been necessary.
This is a really difficult time for me, and I would be grateful for any type of response. How should I go on and cope with these kinds of situations?
