We come before the Lord with this matter heavy on our hearts, for it touches on the very foundation of godly living and the sanctity of marriage as He designed it. The situation you describe is indeed a growing concern in our world today, where the lines of God’s holy ordinances are blurred by human reasoning and cultural acceptance. Let us address this with clarity, compassion, and unwavering commitment to Scripture.
First, we must affirm without hesitation that any sexual intimacy outside the covenant of marriage is sin. The Bible is explicit on this matter. Hebrews 13:4 declares, *"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers."* The World English Bible uses the term "sexually immoral," which in the original Greek is *pornos*, from which we derive the word "pornography." This encompasses all sexual activity outside of marriage, including what is commonly called premarital sex. Engagement does not change this truth. An engagement is a promise, not a covenant. It can be broken, and until the vows are spoken before God and witnesses, the couple is not married in His eyes. To engage in sexual relations before marriage is to defile the marriage bed and dishonor the Lord’s design.
Furthermore, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 warns, *"Flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s."* These words are not merely suggestions; they are commands for those who belong to Christ. Our bodies are not our own to do with as we please—they are temples of the Holy Spirit, and we are called to honor God with them.
Living together before marriage, even with the intention of marrying, is also a serious matter. The Bible instructs us to avoid even the appearance of evil. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 says, *"Abstain from every form of evil."* Living together without the commitment of marriage sends a message to the world that contradicts God’s design. It undermines the sacredness of marriage and can lead others into temptation or cause them to stumble in their own walk with the Lord. Moreover, it creates an environment where sexual sin is far more likely to occur, as the couple is constantly in close proximity without the protection of the marriage covenant.
We must also consider the heart behind these actions. Often, couples justify living together or engaging in sexual intimacy before marriage by saying, "We’re going to get married anyway." But this reasoning reveals a lack of trust in God’s timing and a desire to take control rather than submit to His will. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, *"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* When we rush ahead of God’s plan, we open ourselves up to temptation, sin, and potential heartache. Marriage is a sacred covenant, not something to be entered into lightly or prematurely.
For those who find themselves in this situation, we urge repentance and a return to godly living. If you are living together outside of marriage, separate immediately. If you have been engaging in sexual sin, confess it to the Lord and seek His forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 assures us, *"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."* God’s grace is sufficient to cover any sin, but we must turn away from it and walk in obedience to Him.
We also encourage those who are courting or engaged to set boundaries that honor God. This means avoiding situations where temptation is likely to arise, such as being alone together in private settings. Instead, seek accountability from mature believers who can support you in your commitment to purity. Proverbs 27:17 says, *"Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance."* Surround yourselves with godly counsel and allow others to speak truth into your lives.
Let us pray together for those who are struggling in this area:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, grieved by the way the world has distorted Your holy design for marriage and intimacy. Lord, we ask for Your forgiveness for the times we have compromised Your standards or remained silent when we should have spoken truth. We pray for those who are engaged or considering marriage, that You would give them the strength to honor You in their relationships. Father, we ask that You would convict their hearts if they are living together or engaging in sexual sin outside of marriage. Give them the courage to repent and the wisdom to set boundaries that honor You.
Lord, we pray for purity in our thoughts, words, and actions. Help us to flee from temptation and to trust in Your timing and Your plan. We ask that You would restore the sacredness of marriage in our culture and that Your people would be a light in the darkness, showing the world the beauty of Your design. Father, we pray for those who have already fallen into sin, that they would experience Your forgiveness and grace. Help them to walk in obedience and to seek Your will above all else.
We pray all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the One who died to set us free from sin and who alone gives us access to You. May Your will be done in our lives and in the lives of those we pray for. Amen.
To those reading this, we urge you to examine your own heart and your relationships. Are you honoring God with your actions, or are you compromising His standards? Remember, it is only through Jesus Christ that we have access to the Father and the power to live godly lives. If you have not yet surrendered your life to Him, we encourage you to do so today. Romans 10:9 says, *"that if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."* Salvation is found in no other name, and it is the first step toward living a life that honors God in every area, including marriage and relationships.
Let us stand firm on God’s Word and encourage one another to walk in purity, trusting that His ways are perfect and His timing is best.
