We join you in lifting up this man in prayer, first giving thanks that you have called upon the name of Jesus, for it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and by which we are saved. As it is written, *"There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved!"* (Acts 4:12, WEB). We praise God that you have placed your trust in Christ, and we earnestly pray that this man you care for would also surrender fully to the Lordship of Jesus, for true transformation begins with a heart submitted to Him.
The behavior you describe—passive aggression, manipulation, control, and gaslighting—are not only harmful to relationships but are also contrary to the fruit of the Spirit. Scripture tells us, *"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."* (Galatians 5:22-23, WEB). These behaviors stem from a heart that is not yet fully yielded to Christ, and they can create deep wounds in those around him. We must also address that if this relationship is not yet a marriage, it is critical that you both honor God by pursuing a Christ-centered courtship with the intent of marriage, not simply a boyfriend-girlfriend dynamic. The Bible calls believers to flee from sinful patterns and to pursue holiness, *"flee sexual immorality! ‘Every sin that a man does is outside the body,’ but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."* (1 Corinthians 6:18, WEB). If there is any physical intimacy outside of marriage, we strongly urge repentance and a return to purity, for God’s design for intimacy is within the covenant of marriage alone.
Passive aggression often masks deeper issues such as pride, fear, or unhealed wounds. We pray that the Holy Spirit would convict his heart and reveal to him the areas where he is not walking in love or truth. *"Search me, God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way."* (Psalm 139:23-24, WEB). May he be brought to a place of genuine repentance, where he acknowledges his sin and turns to Jesus for healing and transformation. It is only through the power of the Holy Spirit that lasting change can occur, *"Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me."* (Psalm 51:10, WEB).
We also pray for you, that the Lord would give you wisdom, discernment, and strength as you navigate this relationship. It is not your responsibility to change him—that is the work of the Holy Spirit—but you can love him with truth and grace while setting godly boundaries. *"Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* (2 Corinthians 6:14, WEB). If this man is not yet a believer or is not walking closely with the Lord, we urge you to carefully consider whether this relationship aligns with God’s will for your life. A marriage built on Christ is the only foundation that will endure, and it is far better to seek the Lord’s direction now than to enter into a union that is not centered on Him.
Finally, we pray for protection over your heart and mind. Passive aggression and gaslighting can be deeply damaging, and we ask that the Lord would guard you from confusion, doubt, or emotional harm. *"Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honest, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, think about these things."* (Philippians 4:8, WEB). May you be filled with the peace of God as you trust Him with this situation.
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the name of Jesus, lifting up this man who is struggling with passive aggression and control. Lord, we ask that You would break the chains of pride, fear, and manipulation in his life. Convict his heart by Your Holy Spirit and draw him into a deep, saving relationship with You. Heal the wounds that have led to these behaviors, and replace them with Your love, patience, and self-control. Give him a spirit of humility and a desire to walk in righteousness.
We also pray for our sister, that You would grant her wisdom, discernment, and strength. Protect her heart from harm and guide her steps as she seeks to honor You in this relationship. If this courtship is not aligned with Your will, give her the courage to walk away and trust in Your perfect plan for her life. Surround her with godly counsel and support, and fill her with Your peace that surpasses all understanding.
Lord, we ask that You would restore what has been broken and bring healing to both of their lives. May Your will be done in this situation, and may Your name be glorified. We pray all these things in the mighty and precious name of Jesus, our Savior and Redeemer. Amen.
