We lift you up in prayer, brother, and we grieve with you over the deep pain and turmoil you are experiencing in your marriage. The behaviors you describe—your wife’s persistent contact with her ex-boyfriend, her disrespect, her refusal to fulfill her responsibilities in the home, and her hostility—are not only hurtful but also clear violations of God’s design for marriage. The Bible is explicit about the roles and responsibilities within a marriage, and what you are enduring is not what the Lord intends for a husband or wife.
First, let us address the spiritual condition of your wife. You mentioned that you are unsure if she is even saved, and this is a critical concern. The fruit of her life—her actions, words, and attitudes—do not reflect the work of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, *"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravening wolves. By their fruits you will know them. Do you gather grapes from thorns or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree produces good fruit; but the corrupt tree produces evil fruit. A good tree can’t produce evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree produce good fruit. Every tree that doesn’t grow good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore, by their fruits you will know them"* (Matthew 7:15-20, WEB). If your wife is not walking in repentance, faith, and obedience to Christ, then her heart is not surrendered to Him. This is not a matter to take lightly. We urge you to pray fervently for her salvation, for *"the husband who doesn’t believe is sanctified in the wife, and the wife who doesn’t believe is sanctified in the husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy"* (1 Corinthians 7:14, WEB). Your marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33), and if she is not in Christ, she cannot fulfill her role as a wife in a way that honors God.
Her repeated contact with her ex-boyfriend is a serious red flag. Jesus taught that *"whoever looks at a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart"* (Matthew 5:28, WEB). While we cannot know her heart, her actions suggest emotional and possibly physical unfaithfulness. This is not something to ignore or wait to "see what happens." Adultery is a grievous sin that destroys marriages, families, and lives. The Bible commands, *"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed is undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers"* (Hebrews 13:4, WEB). You must address this with her directly, in love but with firmness. If she refuses to repent, you may need to involve your pastor or biblical counselors to intervene. If she continues in this path, you must be prepared to take further steps to protect your heart, your marriage, and your walk with Christ. Jesus Himself said, *"Whoever puts away his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery"* (Matthew 19:9, WEB). While divorce is not the ideal, it is permitted in cases of unrepentant sexual immorality. However, reconciliation should always be the goal if she turns back to the Lord.
Her disrespect and hostility toward you are also deeply concerning. The Bible commands wives to *"be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord"* (Ephesians 5:22, WEB) and to respect them (Ephesians 5:33). Her cursing at you and refusing to fulfill her responsibilities in the home is rebellion against God’s order. Proverbs 21:9 says, *"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a contentious woman."* While this is not a call to abandon her, it highlights the severity of living with someone who is consistently hostile and unrepentant. You are not wrong to feel as though you are dealing with an "immature teenager"—her behavior is childish and sinful. However, you must also examine your own heart. Are you loving her as Christ loves the Church? Are you leading her spiritually, even in her rebellion? *"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it"* (Ephesians 5:25, WEB). This does not mean enabling her sin, but it does mean loving her sacrificially, praying for her, and setting a godly example.
You mentioned the possibility of demonic influence, and we do not dismiss this. Where there is unrepentant sin, there is often an open door for the enemy to work. The apostle Paul warned, *"Don’t give place to the devil"* (Ephesians 4:27, WEB). If your wife is entertaining sin in her heart—whether it be bitterness, lust, or rebellion—she may indeed be under spiritual oppression. This is why prayer is so critical. We must bind the works of the enemy in Jesus’ name and pray for her deliverance. However, we must also remember that *"our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places"* (Ephesians 6:12, WEB). Your battle is spiritual, and you must be armed with the full armor of God: truth, righteousness, the Gospel of peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer (Ephesians 6:13-18).
Brother, we also notice that your prayer request did not invoke the name of Jesus. This is not a small matter. The Bible is clear: *"There is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus"* (1 Timothy 2:5, WEB). There is no other name by which we can approach the Father. Jesus said, *"No one comes to the Father except through me"* (John 14:6, WEB), and *"most certainly I tell you, whatever things you ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you will ask anything in my name, I will do it"* (John 14:13-14, WEB). It is only through the name of Jesus that we have authority, access, and power in prayer. If you are not praying in His name, you are not praying in the way God has ordained. We encourage you to always come before the Father in the name of Jesus, for it is the name above all names (Philippians 2:9-11).
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up our brother who is enduring such deep pain and turmoil in his marriage. Lord, You see his heartache, his frustration, and his desire to honor You even in the midst of his wife’s rebellion. We ask for Your protection over him—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Shield him from the schemes of the enemy, who seeks to destroy his marriage, his peace, and his faith. Lord, we bind every demonic influence in his home and in his wife’s life. We command every spirit of lust, rebellion, bitterness, and deception to flee in the name of Jesus. No weapon formed against our brother shall prosper, and every tongue that rises against him in judgment, You shall condemn (Isaiah 54:17).
Father, we pray for his wife. If she is not saved, Lord, convict her heart and draw her to Yourself. Let her see her sin and her need for a Savior. Soften her heart, Lord, and break her of her rebellion. If she is saved but walking in disobedience, we pray that You would discipline her as a loving Father. Bring her to repentance, Lord, and restore her to a right relationship with You and with her husband. Expose any hidden sin in her life, especially her contact with her ex-boyfriend. Lord, if she is entertaining adultery in her heart or in her actions, convict her deeply and turn her away from it. Let her see the destruction that path will bring.
Father, give our brother wisdom. Show him how to love his wife as Christ loves the Church, even while setting godly boundaries. Give him the courage to confront sin in love and the strength to lead his home spiritually. If she refuses to repent, Lord, prepare him for the difficult decisions that may lie ahead. Surround him with godly counsel—pastors, elders, or brothers in Christ who can support him and guide him biblically.
Lord, we pray for peace in his home. Where there is strife, bring harmony. Where there is laziness, bring diligence. Where there is disrespect, bring honor. Father, we ask that You would restore this marriage if it is Your will, but above all, we ask that Your will be done and that Your name be glorified. Strengthen our brother’s faith, Lord. Remind him that You are his refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). Let him feel Your presence and Your comfort in this difficult season.
We rebuke the enemy’s attempts to destroy this marriage. Satan, you have no authority here. We command you to flee in the name of Jesus. Lord, let Your light shine in the darkness of this home. Let Your truth expose every lie and every sin. Bring healing, restoration, and redemption, Father. We ask all these things in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
Brother, we encourage you to stand firm in your faith. Do not grow weary in praying, but also do not neglect to take action where necessary. If your wife is unrepentant, you may need to seek biblical counseling or pastoral intervention. You cannot change her heart—that is the work of the Holy Spirit—but you can remain faithful to God’s Word and trust Him with the outcome. *"Commit your way to Yahweh. Trust also in him, and he will do this: he will bring out your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noon day sun"* (Psalm 37:5-6, WEB).
Stay in the Word, brother. Let it be your guide and your comfort. *"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path"* (Psalm 119:105, WEB). Surround yourself with believers who can support you and hold you accountable. And remember, *"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit"* (Psalm 34:18, WEB). You are not alone in this. We are standing with you in prayer, and most importantly, Jesus is with you always, even to the end of the age (Matthew 28:20).
