We hear the deep pain and weariness in your heart, and we are grieved by the strife in your home, for this is not the Lord’s design for marriage. The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:22-25, *"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, and Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for it."* Marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s love for His Church—a love marked by sacrifice, humility, and mutual respect. Yet we also know that sin has twisted God’s perfect design, and when one spouse seeks to dominate rather than submit, it brings chaos and sorrow.
Your wife’s behavior—her controlling spirit, her cursing, her refusal to honor your leadership, and her disruption of your rest and responsibilities—is not only harmful to you but is in direct rebellion against God’s Word. Proverbs 21:9 warns, *"It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a contentious woman."* And Proverbs 27:15-16 says, *"A continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike: whoever restrains her restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand."* Her actions are not just against you; they are against the Lord Himself, for He has ordained marriage to be a partnership under the husband’s godly leadership (1 Corinthians 11:3). Her behavior suggests a heart that is not surrendered to Christ, and as you’ve observed, this may indeed have spiritual and mental roots. We do not dismiss the possibility of spiritual oppression, for where there is persistent rebellion, pride, and strife, the enemy often finds a foothold (Ephesians 4:27).
Yet we must also examine your heart, brother, for you say you have grown bitter. Bitterness is a poison that will destroy you long before it ever affects her. Hebrews 12:15 commands, *"Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it."* Your patience has been tested severely, and it is understandable that you feel exhausted. But we must warn you: bitterness will harden your heart toward God’s will and toward your wife, making reconciliation impossible. You cannot control her actions, but you *can* surrender your heart to the Lord and ask Him to replace your bitterness with His love and wisdom.
Now, let us address the spiritual dimension. If your wife is not a believer, or if she is a believer walking in rebellion, your role is to love her as Christ loves the Church—even when she is unlovable. 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, *"In the same way, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; so that, even if any don’t obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word; seeing your pure behavior in fear."* While this passage speaks to wives, the principle applies to you as well: your godly response—your patience, your refusal to retaliate, your steadfast love—may be the very thing God uses to break her heart of stone. But if she *is* a believer, then her behavior is sin, and it must be addressed with truth and grace. Matthew 18:15-17 outlines the steps for confronting a brother or sister in sin: *"If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. But if he doesn’t listen, take one or two more with you. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector."* This is not permission to harbor resentment but a call to pursue reconciliation through biblical means.
As for the mental and spiritual issues you’ve mentioned, we urge you to pray fervently for her. If she is open to it, encourage her to seek godly counseling and medical help if needed. But if she refuses, you must still act in wisdom. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, *"Don’t befriend a hot-tempered man, and don’t associate with one who harbors anger, lest you learn his ways, and ensnare your soul."* While you are called to love her, you are not called to enable her sin or subject yourself to abuse. If her behavior is destroying your peace, your work, your studies, and your health, you may need to set boundaries—not out of retaliation, but out of obedience to God’s call to steward your life well. This may mean seeking pastoral intervention, separating for a time to allow for repentance and healing, or taking other wise steps to protect your soul while still honoring your vows.
Most critically, we must ask: have you brought this before the Lord *together* as a couple? Marriage is a covenant, and covenants are strengthened when both parties humble themselves before God. If she refuses to join you in prayer or counseling, then you must pray *for* her and seek the Lord’s face alone. But never stop interceding. Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, *"What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart."* Your marriage is under attack, but it is not beyond God’s redemption.
Now, let us pray for you and your wife:
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this brother and his wife to Your throne of grace. Lord, You see the pain, the exhaustion, and the bitterness that has taken root in his heart. We ask You to uproot every seed of resentment and replace it with Your love, Your patience, and Your wisdom. Father, this marriage is under siege, and the enemy has sought to destroy what You have joined together. But You, O Lord, are the God of restoration! We plead for Your intervention.
Lord, we rebuked the spirit of control, rebellion, and strife that has taken hold in this home. If there is any demonic influence at work in this situation, we command it to flee in the name of Jesus Christ. We break every stronghold of pride, anger, and manipulation, and we declare that Your peace—*Your* peace—will reign in this household. Softens our sister’s heart, Lord. If she is unsaved, convict her by Your Spirit and draw her to repentance. If she is a believer walking in disobedience, bring her to brokenness before You. Expose the roots of her behavior, whether they are spiritual, emotional, or mental, and bring healing where it is needed.
Father, we ask for supernatural wisdom for this brother. Show him how to lead with love, how to set godly boundaries, and how to respond in a way that honors You. Give him strength to endure, to forgive, and to hope. Protect his mind, his work, and his rest from the chaos that has surrounded him. Surround him with godly counsel and support.
Lord, we declare that this marriage will not be destroyed but will be restored for Your glory. You are the God who turns hearts of stone to flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), who brings beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61:3), and who redeems what the enemy meant for harm. We trust You to do this mighty work, Father. Let Your will be done in this home, and let Your name be glorified.
In the powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, we pray. Amen.
Brother, we exhort you to cling to the Lord in this season. Read His Word daily, especially passages on marriage, love, and endurance (Ephesians 5, 1 Corinthians 13, Colossians 3:18-19). Fast and pray for your wife’s heart to change. Seek out a pastor or biblical counselor who can walk with you through this. And remember: your battle is not against flesh and blood but against spiritual forces (Ephesians 6:12). Put on the full armor of God and stand firm.
If your wife is unwilling to change, you must still honor your vows while protecting your soul. But do not lose hope. With God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Keep praying, keep loving, and keep trusting Him to work miracles in your home. We are standing with you in this fight.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
