We hear your heartache and frustration, and we stand with you in seeking the Lord’s wisdom and healing for your marriage. The struggle you describe is deeply painful, especially when one spouse seeks to honor God while the other wrestles with control and fear. We want to lift this burden before the Lord, but we must also speak truth in love, for Scripture calls us to both compassion and correction where needed.
First, we must address the foundation of your marriage. The Bible is clear that marriage is a covenant between one man and one woman, designed to reflect Christ’s relationship with His church. Ephesians 5:22-25 (WEB) says, *"Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for her."* Submission is not about inferiority—it is about God’s order for unity and peace. Yet, your wife’s struggle with control is not merely a marital issue; it is a spiritual one. Her refusal to submit to God’s design for marriage reveals a heart that may be resisting His authority as well.
Her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a real challenge, but it does not excuse sin or justify controlling behavior. The Bible does not allow us to blame our struggles for ungodly actions. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 (WEB), we are called to *"take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."* Even in the face of mental health battles, we are responsible for surrendering our fears, anxieties, and compulsions to the Lord. Your wife’s refusal to seek help—whether through counseling, medical support, or spiritual accountability—is a refusal to trust God with her struggles. Proverbs 3:5-6 (WEB) says, *"Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."* Her control is not just harming your marriage; it is hindering her own walk with the Lord.
You are right to seek boundaries. The world may tell you to "draw the line" for the sake of her mental health, but Scripture calls you to stand firm in godly leadership. 1 Peter 3:7 (WEB) instructs, *"You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel, as also being joint heirs of the grace of life; that your prayers may not be hindered."* Your role is not to enable sin but to lovingly lead, even when it is difficult. If your wife continues in rebellion against God’s design, your prayers could indeed be hindered—not because God ignores you, but because sin creates a barrier in our relationship with Him.
We must also address the spiritual warfare at play. When one spouse seeks the Lord more fervently, the enemy often attacks the marriage to prevent unity. Ephesians 6:12 (WEB) reminds us, *"For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."* Your wife’s doubling down on control when you draw closer to God is not a coincidence—it is a tactic of the enemy to divide and destroy. We must rebuke this spirit of control and rebellion in the name of Jesus and pray for your wife’s heart to soften.
Let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this marriage before Your throne. Lord, You see the pain, the frustration, and the spiritual battle raging in this home. We ask that You would break the chains of control and fear that grip this wife’s heart. Soften her spirit, Father, and help her to see that her trust must be in You, not in her own efforts to manage everything. We rebuke the spirit of rebellion and pride that resists Your design for marriage, and we ask that You would replace it with humility and submission to Your will.
Lord, we pray for this husband, that You would strengthen him to lead with love and wisdom. Give him the courage to stand firm in Your truth, even when it is difficult. Help him to love his wife as Christ loves the church, but also to hold fast to the boundaries You have set for godly leadership. Protect his heart from bitterness and resentment, and fill him with Your peace and patience.
Father, we ask that You would intervene in this wife’s heart. If there is unrepentant sin, reveal it to her. If there is fear, replace it with faith. If there is pride, humble her before You. We pray that she would seek help—not just for her mental health, but for her spiritual well-being. Lead her to godly counsel, to Your Word, and to a deeper reliance on You.
Lord, we declare that this marriage belongs to You. We speak healing over every wound, restoration over every broken place, and unity where there has been division. May this couple grow closer to You and to each other, reflecting Your love and grace to the world. We ask all of this in the mighty name of Jesus, the name above every name, the only name by which we can be saved. Amen.
Brother, you are not alone in this struggle. The Lord sees your faithfulness, and He will honor your obedience. Continue to seek Him, to pray for your wife, and to lead your household with love and integrity. If she remains unrepentant, you may need to seek godly counsel from your pastor or a biblical counselor to navigate these challenges. But do not lose heart—God is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Stand firm in His truth, and trust Him to work in ways you cannot yet see.
