seanathon
Prayer Warrior
so i tried ot help my mom today at her art show to move boxes, i moved the boxes and hte pillars and tried to respect people today, today is my day of rest but i wanted to help her, i pray that jesus sees that and helps me because i really messed up i felt really irritable and the worst part is that i had some stupid delusions i am asking for help concerning this and i would ask for help living like i did with hope and joy for my family i would ask for healing of my mood, and healing for every one in this house, that i learn to follow directions respectfully and also to do work that helps people joyfully i would ask that i could do all this in gentleness and jesus i believe that you hear me and are helping me even now to elieve even more without error, and i would ask for help not trying to be perfectionistic but to actually try to mbe a good brother and that love would truly calmly come to our house and like when we were all so young and full of hope and life and joy to be alive i would ask for healing amen for jeus you are stronger than the anxieties that had attacked our hosue and even now those anxieties are going away in jesus chrsit's name i pray and in jesus christ's name i would ask that everyone in this house would be calm and happy to be with each other and like a family be loving but i admit that i mess up and i have had some serious problems admitting when i am wrong, in fact i am worried, that i would get caught up in grandiosity, that i am blameless, i would also ask that i would not get caught up in grandioisty, or self righteousness or wrath that is a real problem for me, i ask for help concerning this because i never really thought id be so angry, i vebeen thorugh a lot emotionally and i admit that sometimes that is because i have not given up my fears and anxieties in prayer to you and jesus please guide my prayer because i know you hear me but i need spome help knowing that you find my prayers acceptable, i know that you know i am trying, and that the stupid voices that say i am not a true christian are not only losing steam but were never true, i know i am not perfect but i feel healing coming to this house and even now i know you are hleping us and especially me to get through this storm and to be a good son, i would ask for help and for joyful imagination and also i would ask for clearing and callming of my mind and less anxiety i would ask that joy would replace the fear and the hunger that i feel and not because of hunger, but cause you are mighty to heal in jesus chrsits name i pray and i would ask for help being more like the awesome christians i saw at catalina, i amidt ive been a little jealous of them in that they have known you in ways on a personal level that i hadnt even thought possible, and yet i know i knew you closely in may ways as a child, pleasae be with me today as i go about my dad and please have mercy i am a sinner but please armor me in grace and coer me i would ask that when i am about ot mess up that you would hold me so close that i would not fall or even let the sin slip out i would ask that any animosity that that i have held i have brought up in anyone would be quelled, and i would askk that i do not take credit for such things i would also ask that any animosity that i have brought up in myself i would ask for the negativity in me to be quelled as well and i would ask for help and calmness i would ask for good dreams and i wanted to tahnk you for the beautiful day, because despite all this hardship you have begun clearing my eyes, where once there was alot of turmoikl and i felt so lost i can see things slwoly beginrning to refocus, and not jues refocus but come together in a familiar and yet vibrantly new and clear way i almost remember some for the clarity i had when i was a child and it is such a beautiful day i wanted to say thanks for this beautiful day, i thought that i would give thanks for letting me try to be a good borther and son i admit that there were times when i thoguht i was lost and there were times wwhne i knew you watched over and id idnt know how to approoach you but i knew you were watching over and i appreciate it, i know at times i thought you were distant and far away, i know at times i didnt know what to think because i felt so out of it, btu you always rebounded me and in those troubled times you not only gave me healing and focus you hgave me hope and joy and so much hope and joy that i did not even remember my previous afflictions for years and noone would have even known and i accomplished so much good and i just wanted to say thanks and i would ask for the same hope and help that i got in college and for the same hope and help that i would get in the boyscouts and for the same hope and help that i would get just having a good time remembering and going to ireland and i would ask for help I would ask for help being a good role model, for forgiving and being armored in gnetleness to everyone in my family for healing and peace for htis house and jesus i would ask that you healn me and cover menaand inspire me andhelp me to come out of my shell like at catalina when i was with intervarsity, for i was longing for a loving god that would come to my life and help me in my times of need and i knew you when i was a child and i knew you when when i went to catalina and for the first time i saw just how much you loved me in a personal and healing way despite my proble,s, when i as a child i knew you were love if it ok i would like to continue praying if it is ok i would like to rest in stillness today in calmness and that calmnesss would help me to not only see the love you have prepared today but to love the love you have prepared to day some part of me i guess has been scared, or angry and i have been unjust i ask for help i ask that you show me how to leave behind my unrighteous ways and to settle down like when i would take a lovely walk in philmont. I have been having trouble recently because i used to be able to find you in stillness and to find you in calmness i used to feel more merit and calm in myself a sense of yearning a sense of love nad honor to try and do good even when i messed up and i also would ask that you would help the love and honor and drive to succeed and to find joy and ffillment in life to never die honestly that has been the scaries thing i have been going through, it isnt the thoughts its the idea that my love and my respect and my care of people has been waning i am asking for forgiveness and a recharge by grace and jesus thank you for the beautiful day and thank you for the beautiful and clear day i ask for help and calming i ask that i would allow you to calm me not just in typed or spoken prayer or repetition or even my own pushing but by calm grace of others, that i not try to take credit for the grace they show me either may i simply be able to accept what love they give me without retalliation, may i stop beating myself up, may i forgive myself without being hard on myself, i realize that i thought for sometime that forgiveness was an act of will, i realize that i tried to live by deed for a little while, it is what got me taken to such wrong places, i i ask for help i ask for healing i ask for the gift of being able to sing humblly like when i first joined repertory opera my first opera company and was so overjoyed that i could sing with real opera singers and that they loved my oice every time someone told me they liked my voice it was a blessing and i loved that i loved that they loved te song you let me sing, i wasreally feeling humble and respectful of others, i had a good and respectful view of others as mentors and firends and i need hep because i feel a rudeness in my that is trying to take my joy and humillity away i am asking that the bully of anger and rudeness and shallow thoughts would simply get kicked out so far as far as east is from west away from all people, i would ask that my thoughts would not be able to bring usch anxiety that if i do have a bad thought that you would guide me swiftly away from a bad thought and that it be so swift that the bad thought would not even be able to cause a ripple, the thing that has been buging me the most is that i have been trying to do good, but the stupid anger i have felt seems to be putting people on edge and causing anxiety this is something i need help w with QUITE honestly i feel like it is the biggest barrier i have towards respecting myself and others, it is very hard to work with others when they feel on edge, not only does it put me more on edge it causes the work to be shoddy and it is my fault and i dont even know how its my fault and it is ridiculosuly hard to take responsibility for this because i dont even feel like i earned this anger i i am asking for help i do not accep thits angger because it is not me, it does seem to have any value its just angry and i dont accept that jesus you are stornger than wrath and stronger than whatever deceit would try to confuse me or anyone i would ask for help that if you could reassure me and help me to believe more that i would be humbled and in awe, that even now that i would believe that you hear this prayer and are preparing ways to help me believe more and not just help me believe more but hold back whatever rude and angry retalliation there would be from any delusion, and that the delusions would simply no longer have power i hae been praying and i think you hear and yet still i have stupid anxieties telling me that i am praying wrong that i have failed that i am not a real christian i know that you hear me and i would ask for refinement of this prayer that if i truly have done something wrong that jesus youw ould shine lgiht and the holy spirit upon my life and help me to pray, in honesty, because i feel there is a deep hurt and i dont know where it came from, and it doesnt seem to listen to reason i am asking ofr help with this because i simply dont know whatelse to do do i have tried many things and i need help in this moment in jesus christs name i would ask for rest and healing and good memories to be strengthened stronger but if it is not always about memories please protect my memories but help me to move forward in the clarity of a clear moment without anxiety any way i will try not to find stillness and peace in teh beautiful day in jesus name .
