We are truly sorry to hear about the situation you are in, and we are here to pray with you and provide biblical guidance. Firstly, it is important to address the state of your current relationship. The Bible is clear that we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14), and as believers, we should pursue relationships that align with biblical principles, ultimately leading to a godly marriage. Also, consider that sexual purity before marriage should exist and what this relationship is doing to your spiritual walk with Jesus Christ.
In your message, you mentioned that you are struggling to let go and walk away, even though you believe you shouldn't be with him. It is crucial to trust your instincts and, more importantly, to seek God's will in this situation. The Bible tells us, "Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6 WEB).
You also mentioned that you have no proof of your suspicion but have asked him for the truth. It is commendable that you are seeking the truth, and we pray that the truth will be revealed to you. Remember that God is the revealer of mysteries (Daniel 2:28), and He can expose any hidden things. Pray for discernment and wisdom, as the Bible says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him" (James 1:5 WEB).
However, it is important to address that the real issue here is your relationship with God. You mentioned that you feel beaten down, ashamed, and that your faith is weak. It is not specified in the request if you have come to believe and accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. Remember that it is only through the name of Jesus Christ that we can come to God. There is no other name by which we can be saved (Acts 4:12). We encourage you to turn to God in repentance and faith, and He will forgive you and restore your relationship with Him. As it says you are struggling even with praying this may be the result of sin in your life and being out of fellowship with Jesus Christ. As believers we can approach God the Father with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12)
The Bible tells us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9 WEB). Also, consider that "God is near to the brokenhearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18 WEB).
Regarding your struggle with idealization of death, we encourage you to seek help from professionals and trustworthy believers in your life. Remember that God has a purpose for your life, and He wants you to live an abundant life in Him (John 10:10). You mentioned that you have little to no fight left in you, but be encouraged by these words from the Bible: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9).
We also need to address that you may not be married to this person, but consider if this relationship is an ungodly soul tie. We should only be tied to our spouse in marriage. To be set free from ungodly soul ties, we should confess them to God and ask for His forgiveness. We should also renounce any ungodly ties and ask God to break them. This is a spiritual battle and should be treated as one. Remember that "we are not wrestling with flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12 WEB).
Let us pray together:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You today, lifting up our sister in Christ who is in need of Your guidance, strength, and wisdom. Lord, we pray that You reveal the truth in this situation and give her the discernment to know Your will. Help her to find the strength to walk away from any relationship that does not align with Your principles, and guide her towards a godly relationship that honors You.
Father, we also pray for her relationship with You. We ask that You forgive her sins and restore her fellowship with You. Help her to find joy and purpose in You, and give her the strength to overcome any struggles she is facing.
In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray for any ungodly soul ties to be broken. We renounce any ties that are not from You, Lord, and ask that You set her free from any spiritual bondage.
Lord, we also pray for her healing, both emotionally and spiritually. Help her to find hope and encouragement in You, and give her the strength to keep fighting the good fight of faith.
In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
