We hear the deep pain and betrayal in your heart, and we grieve with you over the injustice youâve sufferedâespecially in what should have been a place of safety and godly love. The body of Christ is called to be a refuge, not a place where wounds are ignored or excused under the guise of "spiritual maturity." What happened to you was wrong, and your feelings of humiliation, anger, and brokenness are valid before the Lord. He sees your tears, and He is not indifferent to your suffering. The fact that leadership failed to address this sin openly has compounded the harm, and that is not the heart of Christ. Let us turn to Scripture to ground our response, for Godâs Word is the plumb line by which all thingsâincluding the actions of pastors and believersâmust be measured.
The Bible commands us to confront sin within the church, not sweep it under the rug. In **Matthew 18:15-17 (WEB)**, Jesus teaches, *"If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother. But if he doesnât listen, take one or two more with you. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the assembly. If he refuses to hear the assembly also, let him be to you as a Gentile or a tax collector."* This was not a private offenseâit was a public humiliation, and it *should* have been addressed publicly by the pastor for the sake of righteousness, your protection, and the repentance of the one who sinned against you. The pastorâs silence has sent a dangerous message: that unrepentant sin can flourish unchecked in the church. That is not the way of Christ. **1 Timothy 5:20 (WEB)** says, *"Those who sin, reprove in the sight of all, that the rest also may be in fear."* When leaders fail to act, they enable further harm and dishonor the name of the Lord.
You are not wrong for struggling with forgiveness in this moment. Forgiveness does *not* mean pretending the offense never happened or allowing yourself to be repeatedly mistreated. Forgiveness is releasing the debt to God, but it does *not* erase the need for repentance, justice, or wise boundaries. **Proverbs 26:11 (WEB)** warns, *"As a dog that returns to his vomit, so is a fool who repeats his folly."* If this woman has a pattern of cruelty and remains unrepentant, you are *not* obligated to place yourself in harmâs way. In fact, **Proverbs 22:24-25 (WEB)** says, *"Donât befriend a hot-tempered man, and donât associate with one who harbors anger: lest you learn his ways, and ensnare your soul."* You have every right to protect your heart and your spiritual well-being. If returning to that church means subjecting yourself to further abuse without correction, then you must prayerfully consider whether that is where God is calling you to remain. He may be leading you to a place where His people *will* honor His command to *"bear one anotherâs burdens"* (**Galatians 6:2**) rather than pile more onto you.
As for the pastorâs favoritism toward this woman, we must remind youâand himâthat **James 2:1-4 (WEB)** rebukes such partiality: *"Donât hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ of glory with partiality. For if a man with a gold ring, in fine clothing, comes into your synagogue, and a poor man in filthy clothing also comes in; and you pay special attention to him who wears the fine clothing and say, âSit here in a good placeâ; and you tell the poor man, âStand there,â or âSit by my footstoolâ; havenât you shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?"* If the pastor is extending grace to her *without* requiring repentance, he is not acting as a shepherd but as an enabler. True love *"rejoices with the truth"* (**1 Corinthians 13:6**), and truth demands that sin be named and turned from.
Now, to your question about not wanting to return to that church: **Do not let anyone condemn you for this.** You are not in rebellionâyou are wounded, and the Lord tends to the brokenhearted. **Psalm 34:18 (WEB)** says, *"Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."* If your spirit is crushed, it is *right* to step back and seek healing. You do not have to force yourself into an environment where your pain is dismissed and your abuser is coddled. That is not submission to Christâthat is submission to manâs failure, and God does not require you to endure abuse in His name. **1 Corinthians 10:13 (WEB)** promises, *"No temptation has taken you except what is common to man. God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but will with the temptation also make the way of escape, that you may be able to endure."* If this church is no longer a place of spiritual safety for you, then pray for the Lord to show you where He *would* have you worship and serve. He may be preparing a new place of fellowship where you will be valued, protected, and built up.
As for your role as an intercessor: **Your pain does not disqualify youâit may very well deepen your prayers.** Some of the most powerful prayers in Scripture came from places of deep anguish (see **Psalm 22, Psalm 69, Lamentations 3**). But be careful not to let bitterness take root. **Hebrews 12:15 (WEB)** warns, *"Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and many be defiled by it."* It is right to feel what you feel, but do not let the enemy twist your pain into resentment toward the Lord or His people. Keep bringing your raw honesty before God. He can handle your anger, your confusion, and your grief.
Finally, we must address something critical: **You mentioned loving this woman who has hurt you.** If by "###" you mean a romantic relationship outside of marriage, we urge you to examine this carefully in light of Scripture. The Bible is clear that intimate relationships are reserved for marriage between a man and a woman (**Genesis 2:24, Hebrews 13:4**). If this is a romantic attachment, it is not aligned with Godâs design, and that may be part of why there is so much spiritual warfare in this situation. The enemy loves to exploit relationships that are outside of Godâs will to bring confusion and pain. If this is the case, we gently but firmly urge you to repent and seek the Lordâs direction for godly, Christ-centered relationships that honor Him. **2 Corinthians 6:14 (WEB)** says, *"Donât be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? Or what communion has light with darkness?"* If she is not a believerâor if this relationship is not one that glorifies Godâthen the conflict youâre experiencing may be the Lordâs mercy, calling you to walk away from what will only bring more sorrow.
---
**Let us pray together for you:**
Heavenly Father, we lift up Your daughter to You, who is carrying a burden too heavy for her to bear alone. Lord, You see the humiliation she endured in Your houseâa place that should have been a refuge. You hear the cries of her heart, the confusion in her mind, and the weariness in her spirit. We ask You, Father, to be her Defender, her Comforter, and her Justice. **Psalm 9:9 (WEB)** says You are *"a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble."* Be that refuge for her now.
Lord, we rebuke the spirit of shame that has clung to her. **Isaiah 54:4 (WEB)** declares, *"Donât be afraid, for you will not be ashamed. Donât be confounded, for you will not be disappointed. You will forget the shame of your youth. You will no longer remember the reproach of your widowhood."* Father, lift this shame from her. Replace it with the truth of who she is in Christ: beloved, valued, and seen by You.
We pray for wisdom for her next steps. If this church is no longer a place of safety, show her where You would have her go. Surround her with believers who will *"weep with those who weep"* (**Romans 12:15**) and who will stand for righteousness, not enable sin. Give her the courage to set boundaries that honor You, even if others misunderstand.
For the woman who has hurt her, we ask for conviction. **John 16:8 (WEB)** says the Holy Spirit *"will convict the world about sin, about righteousness, and about judgment."* If she is unrepentant, let the weight of her actions press upon her heart until she turns to You. And for the pastor, we pray for repentance if he has shown favoritism or neglected justice. Raise up godly leaders in that church who will *"speak the truth in love"* (**Ephesians 4:15**) and not shrink back from hard conversations.
Most of all, Father, we ask for healing. **Psalm 147:3 (WEB)** says, *"He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds."* Bind up her wounds, Lord. Restore her joy in worship. Renew her strength to intercede without bitterness. And if there is any relational sin in her life, expose it with Your gentle but firm hand, and lead her to repentance and freedom.
We declare **2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (WEB)** over her: *"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."* Let her pain become a testimony of Your faithfulness.
In the mighty name of Jesus, who was despised and rejected so that we might never be abandoned in our suffering, we pray. **Amen.**
---
**A word of encouragement to you:**
You are not wrong for feeling what you feel. Jesus Himself was *"a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief"* (**Isaiah 53:3**). He understands betrayal, false accusations, and the pain of being wounded by those who should have protected Him. But He also rose in victory, and He will lift *you* from this place of brokenness. **Do not rush your healing.** It is okay to grieve. It is okay to need space. And it is *more* than okay to seek a church where you are truly seen and shepherded.
If you are struggling with forgiveness, ask the Lord to help youâ*not* because you must pretend nothing happened, but because bitterness will only harm *you* in the end. **Forgiveness is for your freedom, not the offenderâs excuse.** And if you need to step away from that church for a season (or permanently), do so with the confidence that God is leading you. He is not confined to four walls. He is with you *always* (**Matthew 28:20**).
Lastly, if this "###" is a romantic relationship outside of marriage, we urge you to surrender it to the Lord. No relationship is worth your peace, your purity, or your alignment with His Word. He has someone *far better* for youâa spouse who will cherish you as Christ cherishes the church (**Ephesians 5:25**), not one who tears you down. **Trust Him in this.**
You are loved. You are heard. And you are *not* forgotten. Keep seeking Him. He will restore what the locusts have eaten (**Joel 2:25**).
still until this day The Pastor Never Addressed it I am a member this was her first time visiting SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN MEAN TO ME. anybody She See Shows Me Love She try to ruin it. I am a prayer intercessor I still feel so Humiliated I have prayed and prayed with no relief. When She made the Out burst in Church The pastor did not address it because he feels God has chose Him to save Her. What about Me what about My feelings of Humiliation. And they still expect Me to Come to a church I have been wounded at with No Apologies from her and no peace for Me
VE THE LORD BUT I HAVE BEEN WOUNDED AND I FEEL BROKEN I JUST FEEL LIKE CRAWLING UNDER A ROCK IT'S BEEN THIS WAY MY WHOLE LIFE, PEOPLE OFFENED AD IF I EVEN THINK ABOUT SPEAKING UP FOR MYSELF THE SAY OH BUT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A CHRISTIAN OR YOU SUPPOSED TO BE SAVED. ITS BEEN HEAVY WARFARE PLEASE PRAY FOR ME IN JESUS NAME ON I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT MY MIND AND HEART IS FULL.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesusâ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
